Coffee of the Day
by authors-anonymous
Summary: This is a SATIRE that I wrote in a rage after reading stories that twisted the characters for their own sick ends. Tristan is back (how convinient), and Rory is single again. Prepare to be amuzed.
1. Chocolate, Coffee and Tristan

Author's Note:  
  
This is my first fan fic. I've read lots of them, but I've never actually been brave enough to write one. I've had some ideas for a few, but I think I'd rather start with a satire on some of the types here. I'm really sorry if the following story is similar to yours, and I promise it has nothing to do with you. My inspiration is being angry with authors who make Rory a simpering dominatrix type character and Tristan a nice guy deep deep down. Don't get me wrong, I've read some of those stories, and they're excellent. But really, how realistic is that? So, for the last time, I apologize if I offend any authors or readers. As everyone knows, reviewing is great, but unless I get a major power trip from reading them, I'm not going to stop the story if people don't review. Now, I'm going to say none of the characters belong to me (well, except Jess, but that's another story) and if you sue me, I have about 63 cents. With that said, please enter the world of the Gilmore Girls, and prepare to be amazed.  
  
--authors_anonymous  
  
Rory Gilmore woke up to the sound of Lorelai screaming. Before she could move, Lorelai burst in and started jumping up and down on her bed.  
  
"Mom!" yelled Rory, trying to understand what her clearly deranged mother was saying to her.  
  
"Ror, I got it! I got it!" shrieked Lorelai, still bouncing.  
  
"What?" she managed to sit up, and held her mother's wrists. "What did you get?"  
  
"The perfect coffee!" she said, and dragged Rory out of bed, much to her protest. Rory sat down sulkily and waited for Lorelai to pour her a cup of what she had called 'miracle coffee'. Rory sipped it, and a smile spread across her face. It really was miracle coffee. While she drank greedily, Lorelai told her how she had accidentally mixed black roast beans with chocolate chips in the grinder, because Sookie had borrowed it for a new creation that involved bags and bags of organic chocolate chips (sadly, it didn't work-but sacrifices do have to be made for perfection Lorelai pointed out at the time).  
  
Three and a half cups later, Rory looked at the time. It was too early to get ready for school, but she was too wired to go back to bed. Lorelai was still dancing around the kitchen, singing odes to the ambrosia she had made. Seeing no better option, Rory put on some jeans and a thick sweater and went for a walk.  
  
Chilton, as usual, was hell. For some strange reason, Tristan was back from military school. Coincidently, he was in every single one of her classes, and he sat right behind her in each one. He hadn't actually spoken to her yet, but she had a sinking feeling that very soon he would be entangled in her life. Oh how right she was.  
  
"Mom! I'm home!" called Rory.  
  
"Hey you! How was hell?" asked Lorelai, walking out from the kitchen. Rory sniffed the air suspiciously. "Have you been making coffee?" said Rory accusingly.  
  
"No, just grinding it up" said Lorelai, and walked back into the room.  
  
"Did you go to work at all?" asked Rory when she saw the amount of coffee lying all over the counters.  
  
"Uhh...so, how was your day?" asked Lorelai, avoiding the question neatly.  
  
"Ohh, remember Tristan?" asked Rory, when she sat down with a hot cup of coffee.  
  
"Tristan? Tristan as in that hot boy with gorgeous spiky blond hair, the rich parents, and the troubled life? Tristan as in the boy that for some reason I have called 'devil spawn', 'bible boy', 'devil child', 'evil Tristan', and so many other ridiculous names that I have lost count? Tristan as in the boy of got shipped off to North Carolina to go to military school, but keeps coming back to serve as a romantic item for my daughter, and sometimes impregnates her, but says he loves her? Tristan who cries in his lonely heart when he thinks about how his parents ignored him? Tristan who gets it on with any girls that aren't inanimate? Tristan who loves Rory when most girls would put out for him after the first date while she won't even look at him? Tristan who is unfulfilled with all the gorgeous girls he goes out with because he wants a mind, and a body? Tristan who dreamt about you ever night at military school? Tristan who I completely trust after awful things happen to my daughter and I'm swamped at work so I'm not there for her and I'm still called a good mother? Tristan DuGrey who has his own fan club, groupies, and a weekly newsletter? That Tristan?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Oh. How is he?"  
  
"I don't know. He's back at Chilton..."  
  
"Why am I not surprised?"  
  
"...and he's in all my classes..."  
  
"Still not surprised..."  
  
"...and he sits behind me in every one, even though it's the middle of the year and by right someone else should have sat behind me by now."  
  
"Hmmm..."said Lorelai, stirring her coffee with her finger. "I don't know. Do you think he likes you?"  
  
"Obviously," said Rory. "The question is, should I like him?"  
  
Lorelai pondered the question for a few minutes. "Well, considering that you have a boyfriend and about six other horny teenage guys are madly in love with you, I'd say go for it!"  
  
"What about Dean?"  
  
"Dean? Oh him. I wouldn't worry," said Lorelai, "because I'm sure that soon he'll either move back to Chicago, break up with you, or start to pressure you for sex."  
  
"Or maybe a mixture of all three" said Rory. The phone rang.  
  
"Hello?" Lorelai said, "Just a minute...Rory! It's Dean!"  
  
"Hey Rory!" said Dean.  
  
"Hey Dean!" replied Rory, slightly guilty.  
  
"I have some bad news...I'm moving back to Chicago, and I'm going to break up with you, but first we have to have sex."  
  
"I'll miss you, you're right because long distance relationships never work, and...no." said Rory.  
  
"Okay. Have a nice life!" said Dean cheerfully and hung up.  
  
"Hey Mom, guess what?"  
  
The next few days passed quickly. Dean had left, Jess had mysteriously disappeared (author's note: wonder how...hehehe) and the horny stars hollow boys had been shot at sunrise. Now there was nothing in Rory's way to Tristan. Well...almost nothing... 


	2. Luke, Letters and Eggplants

Hello readers. Firstly, I have to say, thanks for the reviews. I really didn't expect any at all. Second, I hope this is as good as the first part, because I wrote it in less than an hour, without any planning at all (see what reviews make me do?). If it sucks, I can always redo it. Third, the characters still aren't mine, and I intend to sue if the network steals my ideas. Somehow, I doubt it. Anyways, read and enjoy- there's more were this came from.  
  
--authors_anonymous  
  
Rory was sitting in Luke's Diner, waiting for her mother to arrive from work. She hadn't spoken to Luke yet, mainly because he was very much overtaxed since Jess had mysteriously vanished. He could only hope that he was safe and having a good time (AN: don't worry, he was). Rory was actually considered taking off her shirt and dancing on the tabletop, but knowing Luke, he probably wouldn't have noticed. Besides, Kirk was sitting at the table behind her, and he might have asked to join her. That would have been embarrassing.  
  
"Hey Rory, how's it going?" asked Luke, ten minutes later.  
  
"Oh, it's good," she replied, "Do you know where Jess is?"  
  
"Well, I've narrowed it down to the liquor store and the traveling circus," said Luke. "are you meeting someone?" he asked, motioning to the chair.  
  
"Oh yeah, Mom's coming from the Inn soon."  
  
"So a gallon of coffee, a burger and some curly fries?"  
  
"Uh, two burgers, extra fries and some water" said Rory, watching his pencil write quickly over the pad of paper.  
  
"Uh huh, uh huh...wait a minute!" he said looking at her sharply. "Are you fooling around? Because if you're fooling around..." he trailed off, looking murderous.  
  
"No, we don't want coffee today. That's all..." she said, looking at Luke. His eyes narrowed and his voice became deathly quiet.  
  
"No coffee?"  
  
The Diner grew quiet, and everyone was watching Rory. Her heart was pounding, and the colour had drained from Luke's face.  
  
"Uh...no thank you" she said slowly.  
  
Luke crumpled. His face contorted with rage and he took several halting steps around the table towards her. "Has she found someone else? Another coffee supplier?" he spat, venomously.  
  
"No!" said Rory defensively. "She hasn't, we just have a lot of coffee at home, and..." she stood and started backing away slowly. His hands started closing around her neck, and her world turned dark...  
  
"Luke! Put Rory down!" yelled Ceaser, coming out from the kitchen. Luke's eyes focused, and he dropped her. Rory was staring at him open mouthed.  
  
"Uh, sorry about that" said Luke, and pulled her up.  
  
"Oh, it's okay, don't worry about it" said Rory, straightening her jacket. "Oh, hey Mom!"  
  
"Hey Ror. Luke, I need a shortfatbaldingmanwithgravel, stat. I had the worst day in the history of worst days."  
  
As Lorelai told Rory about her awful day (which included broken washing machines, feminine linens and several manic-depressive eggplants), Luke had brought out their meals (no coffee, a first in Gilmore History). Incidentally, it was a Sunday night. As you might know if you ever go to Stars Hollow, they have absolutely no concept of time. This is why, when Rory and Lorelai went home, they decided to watch a 3 hour movie. Rory also had a three-hour phone conversation with Lane, took three showers, and painted three of her toenails before deciding to check the mailbox.  
  
Rory Gilmore, the front of the mysteriously unmarked letter read. She was surprised she hadn't found out she had a letter with no return address earlier, since Miss Patty knew everything about everyone. She gossiped, watched around town, tapped into telephone lines, hacked into computers, and peered into mailboxes, occasionally opening the letters. No one seemed to mind though. This might have been because they all trusted her, but probably not. Really, they all had such dull, mundane lives, that even after hours of federal offences, she wouldn't have found out much.  
  
Rory threw herself down on the couch and tore open the envelope.  
  
Dear Rory, (it read)  
  
I'm not quite sure why-  
  
"Rory," called Lorelai from the hallway, "Michel is speaking very fast, and as usual, I can't understand a word he is saying. Something about the Inn burning down. I'll be back later."  
  
Rory got back to the letter  
  
Dear Rory,  
  
I'm not quite sure why I have your address. Since I never talked to you, and almost always called you Mary for the entire year I knew you, I don't know how it fell into my hands. I'm coming back to Chilton though. This letter is pointless, because by the time you get this, you'll have seen me. I have something to tell you that's been nagging at my conscience for a very long time. I just have to tell you that-  
  
The telephone rang.  
  
"Hello?...Uh huh...uh huh...no...okay...yeah, first thing...alright...bye!"  
  
Dear Rory,  
  
I'm not quite sure why I have your address. Since I never talked to you, and almost always called you Mary for the entire year I knew you, I don't know how it fell into my hands. I'm coming back to Chilton though. This letter is pointless, because by the time you get this, you'll have seen me. I have something to tell you that's been nagging at my conscience for a very long time. I just have to tell you that it really hurt my feelings when you told your boyfriend that you hated me. I have supersonic hearing, which enabled me to hear your confession of love all the way across the school courtyard. This letter serves no purpose, except for the poor souls who actually believe I'm a nice guy. Ha.  
  
Sincerely, The fellow who wasted your time, is incredibly hot and incredibly available (at least until tomorrow),  
  
Tristan (honestly, what were my parents thinking?)  
  
p.s. did you get those books back?  
  
Rory smiled.  
  
Maybe this year wouldn't be so bad after all.  
  
The key word: maybe. 


	3. France, Fires and Spirit

To my loyal readers: Thank you for the reviews. They make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. This is the third chapter (pretty amazing, since I only started the story on Saturday night.) Whatever people may say, reviews are manipulating. So, keep up the good work, and I'll do the same. Now, this I'm not sure how many people understood my reference to the episode when Lorelai has to work at the diner to help Luke, but that's where 'shortfatbaldingmanwithgravel' came from. I think it was inspired. Maybe it's just me. To refresh your memory [and what I like to call "the three n's"]: a) no suing, b)no copyright infringements c)no offence intended  
  
--author's anonymous  
  
p.s. don't worry about Jess, he's having the time of his life  
  
p.p.s. maybe it's just me, but I don't know how great this chapter is.  
  
p.p.p.s. I know it's taking a long time for the real essence of good story to come in, but if you stick around, you'll be glad.  
  
p.p.p.p.s. now on to the story.  
  
Rory stared up at the immense gargoyles on the Chilton building. They seemed to leer at her, and she felt her stomach roll over. 'Don't be silly' she chided herself, and pushed Tristan from her mind. Since the letter, she had been incredibly jumpy (remember that Stars Hollow had no time-what in reality was about half an hour last night before she fell asleep and about three minutes this morning when she actually bothered remembering-but nonetheless seemed to be an eternity).  
  
Rory glanced up and down the corridor before venturing to her locker. She slipped her books in, and petted her hair nervously. After loitering for several minutes she sighed, took her thickest book, and went outside to sit on a bench and read before classes started. Rory looked blankly at the pages and sighed (again) before closing the book. She had been hoping to talk to Tristan before class. It was probably the only time she would be able to talk to him the entire year. Rory looked at her watch. Only eight o'clock. First bell only rang at twenty minutes past. Hopefully she thought 'maybe he'll come early'. Maybe.  
  
Halfway through third period Tristan swaggered in. As usual (considering she had seen him once in this year) he looked amazing; tussled and rough edged with a 'guess who partied all night' look to him. Immediately Rory's apprehensions rolled away, only to be replaced by a new set a few minutes later. He took the seat behind her and opened the textbook randomly, humming as he did so.  
  
"Good of you to join us, Mr. DuGrey" said [a teacher whose name doesn't really matter since we all know what's going to happen next anyways, and really, who cares about teachers]  
  
"My car..."  
  
"Yes, how is the [red/silver/black] [Rolls/Jaguar/Honda] doing Mr. DuGrey?"  
  
"Would it help my case at all if there were dying chickens involved?"  
  
"Detention Mr. DuGrey. See me after class."  
  
The rest of the class passed as usual, until Tristan tapped Rory on the shoulder.  
  
"Pst...Mary..."  
  
"It's Rory." she hissed back, aware of his breath in her ear.  
  
"Miss me?" he whispered suggestively.  
  
"Sure did." she responded, still in a low whisper.  
  
"Come on, do something!" he urged. She shot him a puzzled glance. "You know...to get detention with me! Do I really need to spell it out for you?" Rory proceeded to ignore him.  
  
"Ditch class with me...pass me a note...table dance...don't pay attention...come on, I'm dying here," he said, his voice raising every syllable. "Fine, you don't want detention? Get in an abusive relationship...have a fight with your mother...run away from home...work in a seedy environment..." after carrying on this line for a few more minutes he gave up, but not before nibbling on her neck for a moment. Fortunately, neither the students nor the teacher had noticed. Well, except for one student...(AN: guess who?)  
  
"Honey, I'm home!" shouted Lorelai that evening.  
  
"Hey Mom, how was work?" asked Rory.  
  
"Huh...well remember when I told you that Michel was acting foreign?" she asked, while pouring herself another cup of coffee. "Well, Sookie accidentally burnt down the Inn."  
  
"But I walked past it an hour ago!" said Rory, shocked.  
  
"Oh, that's the new Inn." said Lorelai smugly. "The whole town pitched in, and using our happy stars-hollow spirit, the Inn is as good as new, if not better."  
  
"That's amazing!" said Rory, truly awed at her town...  
  
-----------------------------------------  
  
Author's Interruption: For the next 7304 words there was a description of the town's spirit, and exactly how everyone helped out, rebuilding the entire Inn in less than 12 hours. Remember, since there's no real time, it could have been twelve years, and no one would be any the wiser. Small town magic at it's finest.  
  
-----------------------------------------  
  
"....and that's how the Inn was rebuilt!" said Lorelai happily.  
  
"Wow, look at the time! And I haven't even done my homework!" said Rory.  
  
"Oh! Let's talk about Tristan!" Lorelai suggested.  
  
"Nothing to say..." said Rory, rubbing her neck self-consciously.  
  
"Hmmm..." said Lorelai knowingly. "Is it time for me to be a great long distance mother?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Come on Rory, don't act coy. This might be a G show, but that could change!"  
  
"Eww, gross!"  
  
"If you need me to be out of the house for hours on end, just say the word. When you have to work at his house after school, I can phone you to tell you to stay overnight. I can drug your coffee with sleeping powder so you can barely keep your eyes open, which cleverly maneuvers him into taking you home with him. I can be unavailable after you get attacked by overprotective boyfriends who want to get in your pants, I can have emergencies when he's visiting you, and I can beg him to stay, either to take care of you or because he might get hurt. I can teach you how to show signs of a terminal illness. I can have private talks with him, telling him that you have always liked him, but don't have the courage to tell him. I can turn a blind eye on swollen lips and strange neck marks. I can even sell you to the highest bidder at the next auction day. I mean, come on, he's loaded."  
  
"I don't think that'll be necessary, but I'll keep it in mind," said Rory, rolling her eyes.  
  
"So, did you talk to him today?"  
  
"I went before school, but he wasn't there" Rory admitted, "but he did try to coax me into getting detention with him during third block."  
  
"Before school? He's not a preppy! You honestly thought he would go to school early?" asked Lorelai, shocked at her daughter's stupidity. "Well, how was detention?"  
  
"Mom! I'm not going to give in that easily!" said Rory.  
  
"It's going to happen eventually," Lorelai said knowingly.  
  
"But I need to wait...if I give in now, the story will be over before the author has even had a chance to knock half the stories inconsistencies!"  
  
Lorelai smiled at her daughter. She had learned well. 


	4. Books, Buses and SelfDefense

Readers: I have just discovered how great reviews really are...keep 'em coming!  
  
A few important reminders: 1. Suing is bad 2. I love you all, so don't be angry if I knocked your story directly. 3. I'm writing as fast as I can, but you have to be patient if you want it to be good. 4. reviews are good 5. reviews are very good. 6. review. 7. when you review (hint hint) you may include some of the things in stories that bug you in stories, and I'll do my best to include them. That is all. Now on with the story.  
  
--authors_anonymous  
  
p.s. Jess says 'hi'  
  
Tristan sat slouched in his chair, his long legs stretched out under Rory's desk. Every so often, he would shift, and ever so slightly brush his large feet against Rory's petite ones. Each time he did so, she shivered, goose bumps rising to her skin. Impatiently, she glanced at the clock on the wall. 'Not much longer' she told herself repeatedly. The algebra equations in front of her no longer made sense. Longingly, she glanced outside at the sunny April weather. 'One more period until freedom' she thought, and as if the spirit of a cat had taken over her body, she stretched back with her hands, and knocked straight into the bottle of coke on Tristan's desk. The sugary liquid spilt over the desk top and dripped onto Tristan, soaking into his papers all the while.  
  
"Mr. Dugrey!" stormed [another unidentified teacher] angrily. Without a word, or so much as a backward glance at Rory, Tristan hurried out and came back a moment later armed with paper towels. He had successfully disturbed the class, as many of the girls were standing on their chairs to avoid the sticky substance, and the boys were laughing.  
  
"Clean that up immediately!" said the teacher sharply, "and the rest of you, get back to work!" The uproar died down, and with a guilty conscience, Rory sat down, bending over her paper inconspicuously. When Tristan sat down, he tapped Rory.  
  
"So, did you do that purposely?" he asked maliciously.  
  
"I'm so sorry!" said Rory, shocked by his accusing eyes.  
  
"Yeah, well, you should have though of that earlier!" Tristan snarled.  
  
Rory turned back around sharply, and felt her eyes well up with unshed tears. It had truly been an accident, and despite last year's declaration, she knew in her heart that she actually never hated Tristan- far from it. Somewhere far off, the bell rang, and she quickly packed up her books and fled, Tristan close in pursuit.  
  
"So I guess you thought that was funny?" asked Tristan, cornering Rory.  
  
"I didn't mean too and you know that!" replied Rory angrily. She tried to edge around him, but his hands were pressed on her shoulders, and she couldn't move (while Tristan was participating at Military School, he had learnt how to stop all body movement by holding the shoulders). Tears of anger as well as pain filled her eyes, and she struggled violently to escape from his grasp.  
  
"Let me go!" she wheezed (she may be skinny, but her exercise habits suck), "don't touch me!"  
  
Tristan took one hand and griped her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes.  
  
"Not even like this?" he asked, and slowly lowered his mouth towards hers.  
  
At this point in the story, Rory kneed him in the groin.  
  
Tristan keeled over, clutching his lower area in pain. Rory took the opportunity to escape. For the next hour, Rory became emerged in her studies, and being the conscientious student that she was, even stayed behind for a few minutes to check over the in-class essay that she wrote. That was when she noticed Tristan leaning on the doorway.  
  
Without so much as looking at him, Rory, grabbed her backpack and left, trying not to touch his gorgeous body with hers when she passed him. To her surprise (and slight disappointment), he didn't attempt to grab her. Rory raced out the door and ran straight at the bus stop. She saw the bus pulling away, with no intention of stopping. She sat down on the bench and tried to interest herself with the novel she was reading, but to no avail. The blond haired, blue-eyed boy was haunting her thoughts.  
  
"You missed the bus," said a familiar voice.  
  
"Yeah," replied Rory faintly, trying to avoid his gaze.  
  
"Do you need a ride?"  
  
"No thank you" she said. Inwardly, she thought 'god, this guy is wishy- washy!!!'  
  
"The next bus won't come till tomorrow morning" Tristan said.  
  
"I can wait."  
  
"You can be really stubborn sometimes, you know that?" he asked, sitting down next to her.  
  
"Gee, thanks, I hadn't noticed."  
  
Tristan sat silently for a few moments.  
  
"Are you just going to sit there?" asked Rory, irritated.  
  
"Look, Rory," he said, turning towards her, "I know we had a bad past." Rory snorted. "Okay, fine, a really crappy past." Tristan amended.  
  
"The past is the past" said Rory, speaking as philosophically as she could, hopping to impress him.  
  
"Well...I think we should start over."  
  
"Start over?"  
  
"You know...maybe be friends."  
  
"Friends?" asked Rory, confused. After all, wasn't this the boy who had spent all last year trying to get in her pants using the grade two boy approach?  
  
Tristan sighed. "Just friends." After a few moments he added, "Look, can I give you a ride home?"  
  
"Yes please."  
  
"So..." said Rory, trying to make conversation. "Uh...I like your car."  
  
"Oh, thanks."  
  
"It's really..."she paused, trying desperately to think of a long complicated word, but failing miserably, "...nice"  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Uhh...so do you know where I live?"  
  
"Yeah." said Tristan shortly.  
  
"What? How?" asked Rory, bemused and befuddled.  
  
"Do you really need to ask?" he replied, looking over at her lustfully.  
  
"No, stupid question, sorry." She stared out at the moving scenery. "I'm babbling, I know, I don't usually talk this much." she said, apologetically.  
  
The rest of the car ride passed in comfortable silence. (Because they were meant to be together, and really, no words could describe what they both knew each other was thinking, so no matter how awkward the silence, somehow, it would always be comfortable).  
  
When Rory finally stepped out of the car (fifteen minutes after the comfortable silence lapsed into slightly unnerving but before 'let me out of the car before I pull out my rifle and shoot you' silence) all she could think of was how much she wanted him.  
  
And he wanted friendship. She shook her head in disbelief as she watched him drive away. She'd have to do something about that.  
  
The solution came in the source of some schoolwork, conveniently placed in chapter 5. 


	5. Teachers, Treachery and Swan's Way

To my fabulous readers:  
  
Thank you so very much for the reviews. About Jess controlling the weather, I have some plans for that. About the unidentified teachers: haven't you noticed that people tend to make up names of teachers, since the only teacher we have ever heard of is Mr. Max Medina? That's why I made them unidentified. Keep a look out for Mr. Medina in future chapters, as he has an interesting role to play in the coming events. What else...oh yeah. Luke wasn't meant to sound so evil, he was just swayed by jealousy. Don't worry, there are some (hilarious) scenes between him and Lorelai coming up. Lane...well that's hard. I mean, who writes about Lane? Perhaps in the future. I have some ideas, but they aren't fit for public viewing as of the moment. Thanks for the suggestions too, they'll come in handy. Please sue me. Copyright infringements intended. Ditto on offence. Stay tuned!  
  
--authors_anonymous  
  
p.s. No, I'm not Jess, but he laughed hysterically at the suggestion. He also asks for reviews. Go Gilmore Girls! Woo!  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------  
  
"Now class, I need to assign a project will take several chapters of this story, hours of work, and 75% of your grade. Any suggestions?" asked Mr. Medina (English lit teacher extraordinaire!)  
  
As usual, no hands were raised.  
  
"I'm shocked and dismayed, I really am," he said, thinking for a moment. "Alright, here's what's going to happen. I'll pair you up with someone you would never normally work with in your right mind. Then, together, spending as much time in the same room as humanly possible, you will write 3 couplets each, writing something about you, that no one would ever have possibly known. Then you must make up an interpretive dance about the other person, and in 3000 words, explain why you chose to dance the way you did. You will perform the dance while your partner reads out their couplets to the class. I also want a 30000 word essay about the effects of cows on the environment. And you must each build a human sized life sculpture of your literary hero. Remember class, it must be edible. I also want you to read the shorter oxford English dictionary and write a story using as many of the words as you can. You will be marked accordingly." He looked over at the class critically. "It's due on Monday," he said, and began pairing up people.  
  
Rory gasped. His finger was coming closer and closer, and she knew what was about to happen. She would be willing to stake her life, that Tristan would be her partner.  
  
"Mr. Dugrey...please work with..." his words came agonizingly slow. "...Ms. Gellar!"  
  
Rory gasped. His finger moved on.  
  
The bell rang, and everybody filed out, Paris and thirteen other girls on Tristan's arms (he had multiple arms...he was a deviation.).  
  
"Mr. Medina," started Rory, "I don't have a partner."  
  
"Hmmm?" he asked, looking up, "Oh yes Rory, I know. In the unlikely event that a partner suffers from an unfortunate accident, you will replace them." He placed down his pencil and picked up the worn copy of 'Swans Way'. "No, scat, unless you'd like to stay for my dramatic re-enacting of my favorite book of all time."  
  
Rory left quickly. She was just in time to see Paris, deep in conversation with Tristan. Rory felt a twinge of guilt, but misplaced it as a twinge of hunger. She dug into her back for her portable coffee cup, but found it missing. She started to stomp off, but turned around sharply at the scream behind her. Paris had fallen down the 36 flights of stairs, head first. 'Screw friendship,' thought Rory evilly. 'I get Tristan! Yeah,' she muttered, going to the cafeteria, 'screw friendship."  
  
-------  
  
pun definitely intended  
  
-------  
  
Rory picked up the phone. "Hello?"  
  
"Uh, hi. Is Rory there please?"  
  
"Oh, hi Tristan." she said, secretly pleased.  
  
"Uh, this isn't Tristan." said the male voice.  
  
"Oh. Who is this?"  
  
"I mean, do I sound like Tristan?" asked the voice.  
  
"Well, you do have the same type of..."  
  
-------  
  
sorry Readers, but do you honestly care about who the mystery man on the phone is? No, I didn't think so. So just ignore him, and lets go on to later that night when Rory is sitting on the couch in her pajamas, reading a book.  
  
-------  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi, Rory?"  
  
"Oh, hi Tristan" said Rory, not nearly as pleased the second time.  
  
"So, Mr. Medina told me that since Paris is in the hospital with a fractured skull, we're partners."  
  
"So it seems."  
  
"Yeah. So, we need to start."  
  
"Yes we do."  
  
"So, we have five days."  
  
"I agree."  
  
"Good."  
  
There was silence, and it wasn't nearly as comfortable as the former car silence.  
  
"Tristan?" asked Rory, several minutes later.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You know yesterday, when you said you...wanted to be friends...did you mean it?" Rory's heart pounded. She swore he could hear it all the way from Hartford (after all, he did have super sonic hearing...).  
  
"Uh, mean it?" he asked, his voice cracking like a pubescent twelve year olds. "Uh, yeah."  
  
"Okay, good. So, I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Don't forget your stuff."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're going to stay over for the next few days, aren't you?"  
  
"Oh, yeah sure, I guess."  
  
"Okay, good. And bring your bathing suit."  
  
"You should bring some stuff over here too."  
  
"Why?" he asked, puzzled.  
  
"You have to meet my mother, and the town."  
  
"Great. So, tomorrow."  
  
"Yup."  
  
The line went dead. Rory hopped off the couch and went into her room to start packing.  
  
"Hey kiddo, where's the flood?" asked Lorelai, walking into Rory's room.  
  
"Right outside." Responded Rory, pointing out the window. Lorelai watched as Babette and Mory floated outside in a rubber boat, paddling with soupspoons.  
  
"Huh."  
  
"So, I'm going to live with Tristan for the next few days."  
  
"So I guess you didn't need me then."  
  
"Guess not."  
  
"Well..." said Lorelai, poking at the door frame, "...I'm still here if you need me..."  
  
"Thanks Mom!" said Rory, and kissed her cheek. "Is any of that coffee left?" 


	6. Cars, Cake and Headmasters

Darling Readers:  
  
I must apologize for keeping you waiting so long for chapter 6. The reviews are wonderful, and I would thank you all individually, but I might forget someone and then you would spread rumors about me, and I would loose my image and my apartment and that would be a bad thing. Incidentally, the spelling of 'Loralie' wasn't intentional, and I'll spell it 'Lorelai' from now on.  
  
I think you guys are going to like the rest. Tristan and Rory look into the other's soul, Luke and Lorelai discuss cake...I'm going to stop before I give away the rest of the story.  
  
Keep reviewing and I'll do the same.  
  
--authors_anonymous  
  
p.s. Jess went out into the sun yesterday without sunscreen and now he has a burn all over his face and shoulders. He's not too happy.  
  
p.p.s. Notice the time changes. TV land amazes me.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Rory woke up to the sound of the birds chirping. She quickly got out of bed and looked out the window. 'Hmmm...that's strange,' thought Rory, 'all the water's gone!'. She didn't have long to ponder this however, when she looked at the clock.  
  
"Mom!" yelled Rory, dashing out of her room.  
  
"What?" asked Lorelai (spelt right for the first time in this sorry excuse for a story), coming down the stairs looking disheveled.  
  
"Why didn't you wake me up? I'm going to be late!" yelled Rory. Lorelai remained unperturbed.  
  
"Ror, don't worry. You can borrow the car. Now, go get dressed, and I'll make some pop-tarts." Without replying, Rory dashed into her room and got dressed in record time. She pulled her hair back into a hasty ponytail, grabbed her backpack, and took her nutritious breakfast out to the car.  
  
"Mom!" yelled Rory, panicked.  
  
"What is it?" asked Lorelai.  
  
"That car won't start!"  
  
"Did you put in the key?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"Did you turn it?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"I'll have it looked into this afternoon." said Lorelai, puzzled.  
  
"Mom, I have school and I missed my bus!" said Rory, clearly getting upset.  
  
"Uh, well..." said Lorelai, also beginning to panic. "Don't worry...it's a first time offence...you're a good student..."  
  
"Mom, I don't want to die..." said Rory, sobbing. Last week three girls had been locked in a room made of poisonous chocolate for being late. Needless to say, they had very nice funerals. Lorelai looked up at the sound of a door slamming. She disentangled herself from Rory and began walking towards the house.  
  
"Mom?" called Rory, weakly afterwards.  
  
"Don't worry, it'll be okay" said Tristan, wrapping his arms around her. In one fluid motion, he picked up Rory, her backpack, and her breakfast, and carried her to his car. After securing her in the back seat, he pulled out of the driveway and drove (much faster than the speed limit) to Chilton.  
  
-----------------------------------  
  
Since this morning's little escapade, Tristan hadn't said so much as a word to Rory. She had tried to thank him, but he brushed her off neatly, and was soon surrounded by a group of giggling girls. She felt slightly jealous, but resolved to banish him from her thoughts until a more convenient time. Unfortunately, some resolutions are harder than others to keep.  
  
-----------------------------------  
  
Rory was standing in the lunch line when she heard some shouting behind her. As nonchalantly as she could manage, she peeked over her shoulder and was very surprised to see Tristan and one of his nameless friends bullying a younger boy. She was considering whether or not to intervene, but the lunch monitor was quicker in deciding than she was. She swooped down and rapped both boys on the head smartly with her gold-studded whip. Instantly, they both turned around and smiled. Rory strained to hear what they were saying, but was interrupted by a rude voice.  
  
"Are you going to take that pudding?" asked Paris, while looking loathingly at Rory.  
  
"Oh, no, uh...go right ahead." said Rory, startled.  
  
"Oh really? Thanks!" said Paris sweetly.  
  
Rory watched her in disbelief as she walked away. She had recently noticed that Paris was very moody. Sometimes she despised Rory, other times she was aghast at how suddenly they had become best friends. It's not that she didn't want to be friends with her, it was just...well, who wants to be friends with a macaroni-loving freak? Rory found a seat were she could be alone and undisturbed for the remained of her lunch period.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Rory couldn't take it. She dropped her tray in the trashcan and bolted. There was a rumor going around that she, the sweet innocent girl that she was, had pushed Paris, her nemesis, down the stairs. Amazingly, the entire school knew about it, and supposedly, she was a quiet girl who no one knew. She could just imagine the chaos inside the cafeteria, where the entire student body (of more than 600 students) were currently eating their lunches. Rory began running, blinded by her tears of sorrow and humiliation. She was sobbing when a pair of strong arms closed around her and the body attached began to murmur comforting words.  
  
----------------------------  
  
Meanwhile, back at the Inn, Lorelai had decided that she had had enough working for one morning. She put on her coat, said goodbye to Sookie and told Michel not to join a vampire cult before heading out the door to Luke's.  
  
"Hey" his gruff but manly voice greeter her. The diner was surprisingly empty [author's interruption: perfect for heart to heart confrontations and...other things...].  
  
"Luke, just the man I wanted to see" said Lorelai, sitting down on a stool.  
  
"I work here. You come here about 48 times a day. Sometimes more if it's raining. What could you possibly need to see my about?"  
  
"Oh...I dunno. Entertain me!" said Lorelai brightly.  
  
"If you want table dances you should have looked for Kirk" said Luke, smirking.  
  
"Oh, I bet you could do a better table dance than Kirk. You've had more practice!"  
  
Luke rolled his eyes and started to cut a piece of cake.  
  
"Hold on Mister" said Lorelai, shocked and dismayed. "You don't eat cake... And since I'm conveniently the only person in the diner at this time...that means..." Lorelai jumped up and pointed her finger at him accusingly. "You lied to me! All these years! You're a chocohol--"  
  
Luke cut her off. "It's for you."  
  
"Oh. Okay." Lorelai sat down again and reached for the plate as Luke was passing it to her.  
  
Then, something extraordinary happened.  
  
--------------------------  
  
"Thank you for listening" said Rory meekly.  
  
"That's what I'm here for dear," said headmaster Charleston, smiling. He patted her head and walked away, a bounce in his step. Rory looked at her watch. There was still time before the period started. Rory was walking slowly to her locker when she heard voices in the office.  
  
"...and you think about what you've done!" said a male voice, before the owner strode out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Rory watched after him and when he had disappeared round the corner, she opened the door a crack.  
  
Inside, Tristan sat in a chair, sobbing into his hands.  
  
"Tristan!" said Rory, and strode into the room. He looked up briefly. "Oh Tristan, don't cry!" said Rory, as nurturing as she knew how. Unfortunately, this just made him cry harder. Doing what she thought best, she wrapped her arms around his shaking figure and nuzzled her face into his hair.  
  
A few minutes later, he stopped crying and looked up. "Thank you" he said, and blew his nose on her cardigan.  
  
"No, thank you." Rory replied.  
  
"What for?"  
  
"I have no idea. It seemed like the thing to say at the time" Rory said, a smile nudging at the corners of her mouth.  
  
Tristan gazed into her eyes...  
  
Rory gazed into his eyes...  
  
Their eyes were practically boring into the others head...  
  
Tristan thought he could see Rory's soul...  
  
Rory thought she could see Tristan's highlights...  
  
Their heads moved closer hesitantly...  
  
Tristan wished she knew that he was a good-guy at heart...  
  
Rory wished that she knew that he was a good-guy at heart (except she had an unexplained fondness for motorcycles and fast red cars...?)...  
  
Their wishes were interspersed...  
  
Tristan bit his lip...  
  
Rory's breathing quickened...  
  
Their heads moved closer...  
  
Tristan looked into her eyes...  
  
Rory looked into his eyes...  
  
The bell rang, and both jumped back. Rory coloured immediately and Tristan looked around, nonchalant.  
  
"So, uh...so you after school, right?" asked Rory  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"So...okay." said Rory, and fled.  
  
Tristan looked after her thoughtfully, his scheming mind at work.  
  
----------------------------------- 


	7. Marble, Music and Bathrooms

To my fine feathered readers:  
  
Alas, I have learned first hand what it means to be flamed. I now know why people ask for constructive criticism or none at all. I read the reviews today. If you were to read the reviews now, you would not see any evil ones. Reason: I deleted them. I know it wasn't the wisest thing to do, but after being told repeatedly that my story sucked, what choice did I have? Reviews serve two purposes. The first is to let the author know what the readers like/dislike about the story. Using this information, the author makes what changes and additions are necessary to the story. The second is to let the author know if the readers like the story, and whether or not to continue. Sadly, when I read anonymous reviews saying 'this story sucks…' 'Don't use fanfic's as inspiration…' and 'your humor is stupid' my reaction is to delete them. I almost stopped writing this satire altogether. Then I read the rest of the reviews. So many of you said you loved it and wanted it to be continued, how could I refuse? I did get some reviews about spelling, and I will do my best to fix it. I have re-uploaded every chapter with the correct spelling. I use word pad to type the stories and there is no spell check. It might take longer to upload new chapters, but it's worth it…right? To the flamers (you know who you are) if you don't like it, don't read it. It's a satire for a reason. If it sucks, why? It is really helpful if you say "the story sucked, stop writing" (notice my sarcasm). All you have to do is press the little back button at the top of your screen to exit the Gilmore insanity. That simple.  
  
Don't sue, don't be angry, and don't flame. Now that I have gotten everything out of my system, let us get on with the story.  
  
So, without further ado: Chapter 7  
  
--authors_anonymous  
  
Rory was putting an excessive amount of books in her bag when Tristan walked up. As usual, he was looking pretty good. He had just gotten his hair trimmed, and the ¼ inch missing did much for his sultry good looks. He leaned against his locker and looked at Rory, wishing for the thousandth time that she was his woman. Unfortunately, her views didn't seem to compromise his at all. He banished the unpleasant thought from his mind and focused his attention on memorizing Rory's locker combination (solely for the purpose of stuffing her locker with coffee and other trinkets to show her he cared, but without the pesky act of breaking and entering). Rory was so involved in packing her books snuggly that she didn't notice she was being watched. Tristan reflected that she was likely to be kidnapped before the age of 25.  
  
"Tristan!" said Rory when she finally noticed the sex god standing next to her.  
  
"Ready to go?" he asked, admiring her eyes and how they sparkled in the florescent hallway light.  
  
"Definitely" she said, and stood up. From a distance, she noticed Paris glowering. The two walked in silence to the student parking lot where a shiny black BMW was parked.  
  
"Do you have a music preference?" asked Tristan as he pulled out of the parking lot.  
  
"Not really" she replied. "I don't like Rap or R&B. I don't really like hip hop either…Keke Wyatt annoys me. I dislike Aretha Franklin and Zero, but The Strokes are all right I suppose. Chris Isaak, Toby Keith, Barbra Steisand and John Fogery are sorry excuses for singers!"  
  
"I totally agree," said Tristan amused.  
  
"I mean, what's up with Beverly Hills Cop and Eddie Kendricks? And Faith Evans? Craig David seriously needs to shave. Michael Jackson is so old it's not even funny. Garth Brooks? Outkast? Sade? How did they even get CD contracts? Shakira is up there too. And Mystikal? I honestly tried to understand, but I didn't. Mobb Deep? What kind of name is that? Jamiroquai? Kool and the Band? Pete Yorn is such a hick! All he's missing is overalls and a pitchfork! Tarry Jacks? It sounds like some sort of beverage!"  
  
"I know!" said Tristan, agreeing full heartedly. "And Carly Simon! What's up with her?"  
  
"Exactly! And all those boy bands!"  
  
"But you must admit, the Backstreet Boys are pretty good."  
  
"No way. N'Sync is so much better!" said Rory.  
  
Tristan lay his head on the headrest of his car. Every syllable the girl uttered he fell more and more in love with her. "So, basically you like soundtracks, Britney Spears and Cher?" Rory laughed and looked out the window. She was thinking of a witty retort when music started playing. She looked over at Tristan and smiled. It was P.G. Harvey.  
  
"Finally learned she was a woman, huh?"  
  
Tristan looked at Rory and smiled. "I went to the concert and…well I liked her."  
  
Rory smiled back, saying nothing.  
  
The ride to Tristan's house seemed to be over before it had even begun. [Perhaps it was because he only lived about ten minutes away, but perhaps not. One of life's unanswered questions.]  
  
Rory gaped at the hideousness of the house. It was enormous and cold inside. The marble floors were covered with furs and the walls were hung with moose and deer heads. "My Father is friends with a taxidermist" said Tristan, and dismissed the butler with a flick of his wrist. "Don't worry, my parents aren't going to be home for the next week or so. If they are, you probably won't meet them anyway. Sometimes I don't see them myself for months on end. They leave messages with the butler and he relays them to me." Tristan looked down at Rory in time to see the confused look on her face. "The house has eight floors. Thirty-one bedrooms. Thirty-nine bathrooms. Over three hundred staff. It's easy to miss one another."  
  
"Is it all like…this?" asked Rory, waving her hand around at the dead animals and gold chandeliers.  
  
"This floor is. My Mother is into themes. I'll never know what she was thinking when she chose the last one. An underwater theme. Plastic fish everywhere. Thank god it's gone." Tristan said dismissively. Rory was surprised at his conceit. She had almost forgotten that he was just another rich boy. The amount of fur in his house could have clothed, fed and sheltered a large community of cave men for over a year.  
  
"Do you want anything? Cheese and crackers? Caviar? Coffee?"  
  
Dear readers, you can guess the answer.  
  
Tristan led Rory up six flights of marble stairs and down a long passage way to his bedroom. Rory was panting by the time she got there. Surprisingly, it didn't match the rest of the floor in the least (which had a barn yard theme at the moment). In fact, Rory was amazed when she walked inside. It was nearly the size of her entire house with a walk in closet and a bathroom that consisted of a large bathtub, a two-person shower, a Jacuzzi, a fireplace, and two couches. There was also a telephone next to the toilet, which was behind a small curtain. Rory didn't notice the latter until she had to use it about an hour later.  
  
Rory put down her bag on a large armchair and Tristan did the same.  
  
"So…do you want to change?" he asked, suddenly aware that the girl of his dreams was standing two feet away from him in his bedroom.  
  
"Yeah, I think I will." She said, and looked around for her suitcase.  
  
The two Chiltonites were sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed. They had mutually agreed to work solo on their homework until it was time to tackle the project. Rory had drunk more than a few cups of coffee, Tristan sorely behind with only two. He hadn't said anything, but secretly he was in awe of the girl studying next to him. She had done six pages of advanced trigonometry, read an entire novel, studied a page of Latin proverbs, finished a lab on bio-chemistry and learnt the formula for compound interest, all in an hour.  
  
Rory closed her history book with a satisfying thump. Tristan looked up from the poem he was analyzing. Truly amazing. She wanted more coffee. When he got back, Rory was sprawled on the floor reading a book. Her shirt had ridden slightly up her back, exposing a strip of smooth skin. Tristan cleared his throat.  
  
"Coffee!" said Rory joyfully. "You're my hero!"  
  
"How can you drink so much?" he queried.  
  
"Practice" she said smiling.  
  
"So…should we undertake the project?"  
  
"I suppose," said Rory unwillingly. They both settled down to divide the work.  
  
Rory's skin tingled. This was the fifth time that Tristan's arm had 'casually' brushed against hers. She glanced at him furtively. He didn't seem to notice the effect he was having on her. Rory sighed, content. Perhaps she had been wrong about Tristan all along. He hadn't tried to get in her pants all afternoon. He seemed to care about school. He wasn't 'evil Tristan' or 'Bible Boy". He never called her Mary. Maybe he really was a nice guy deep down. Maybe.  
  
Rory excused herself and went to the bathroom to phone Lorelai.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Mom, it's me."  
  
"Hey kiddo. How's hell?"  
  
"Not as bad as I thought. The project is going pretty well."  
  
"Aww, that's great kid! Has he put any moves on you yet?"  
  
"Mom!"  
  
"Just asking. Ahh. Sookie just set fire to Michel's feet. Must go. Phone me if you need anything."  
  
"Definitely."  
  
"Bye."  
  
The line went dead. 


	8. Silk, Sex and Danish Day

To my marvelous readers:  
  
I adore you all. In all fairness, I do realize that the story is getting a bit long winded, but it's so much fun to write I can't help myself. Simply accept the fact that I'm satirizing over-long stories. I'm having an inner battle, and I thought some input might be useful: should it be a Trory? In the end, of course…it's too good to screw up now. When you decide, keep in consideration that if it is a Trory they get to neck in a closet. And Rory might get pregnant. And there can be all sorts of romance scenes. But I might be carried away, and then the story would have to be rated R. Anyways, input is helpful.  
  
I'm afraid chapter 8 is going to be quite dreadful. Since I haven't actually written it yet, I have no real proof, but I have a hunch. Aren't you excited?  
  
The authorities took my furniture last night to pay off my outstanding debts. If you were going to sue, it is too late now {suckers}. If you're angry, flame (preferably someone else). Flames will be used to toast marshmallows. Keep that in mind.  
  
That about covers it. Pull up a seat and grab something sugary. You'll need it.  
  
--authors_anonymous  
  
p.s. Jess made a run for it during the night. I found him lying dehydrated in a ditch a few blocks away from a photo studio. Go figure…  
  
  
  
Rory rubbed her eyes tiredly. It was nearly midnight, and hardly any work had been accomplished. She had always thought teachers were fair, but obviously, she was wrong. Tristan was working intently on his poems. He hardly even noticed when Rory crept behind him and peered over his shoulder. Despite her alleged intellect, Rory wasn't very bright.  
  
Couplets  
  
I am a very sad guy.  
  
Sometimes in my lonely heart, I cry.  
  
I love this girl in all her glory  
  
Her name is beautiful. Her name is Rory.  
  
I am super duper rich.  
  
The girl I love loves someone else: what a-  
  
Tristan jerked up from writing. How much had she seen? He was just getting his creative juices flowing. He hadn't expected her to read them. Slowly he turned around to face Rory. Rory was reading them to herself. He started shaking like a leaf, trying to think of a plausible excuse for his heartfelt couplets.  
  
"Well…" he said shakily, "what do you think?"  
  
"They're good! Except for the lonely heart one. I don't think it scans properly." Said Rory honestly.  
  
Tristan looked at her in disbelief. Was she honestly that blind?  
  
[It's 'fanfic' land after all…]  
  
Tristan looked at her in disbelief. Was she honestly that blind? Yes. He sighed in relief.  
  
"I think we've worked enough, don't you?"  
  
"Definitely" said Rory, and dropped down the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary that she  
  
was holding with a thud.  
  
"Do you want me to drive you home?" Tristan asked, completely forgetting that Rory was living with him for a moment due to a short bout of amnesia caused by the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary being dropped on his head.  
  
"It's pretty late, is it okay if I stay here?" said Rory, suffering from the amnesia that Tristan radiated to her when she dropped the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary on his head. Although they wouldn't have known, the entire household was affected by the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary dropping. Evidently, the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary dropping had devastated the DuGrey household into degrees stronger than previously thought possible. Tristan nodded at Rory, and rubbed his head, wondering what had caused his temporary amnesia (in case you were wondering, it was the sudden dropping of the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary).  
  
Without a word, Rory stood up, grabbed her suitcase, and went into the washroom.  
  
Note: at the time, Tristan wasn't looking.  
  
Inside the massive bathroom, Rory stared into the floor length mirror. She had had to tell herself sternly that he only wanted friendship several times to avoid jumping him. This wasn't the Rory that she knew. The old Rory was obsessed with grades, Harvard, and coffee. The new Rory…well she was obsessed with Tristan. For some reason she had several skimpy silk pajama bottoms and a few tight tank tops to sleep in. Just as she was wriggling into the bottoms suggestively, Tristan walked in.  
  
Tristan was obsessed with oral hygiene, and had decided to go brush and floss when he opened the door to a partially nude Rory. NC-17 type things began happening to his body. After several hasty excuses, Tristan left, shutting the door behind him. He blamed it on the amnesia.  
  
  
  
Luke turned the lights in the diner off. Taylor was pacing up and down in front of Doose's market with a burning stake and a pitchfork, singing Disney songs. Luke had a sneaky suspicion that he was in the process of creating a new holiday. Sullenly he began to wipe off the counters.  
  
"Hey! Let me in!" said a very much-perturbed Lorelai outside. Luke unbolted the door and ushered her inside before shutting it hastily and pulling down the blinds.  
  
"What's up?" he asked when he resumed his place behind the counter.  
  
"Oh, I'm just lonely."  
  
"Where's Rory?" asked Luke, concerned.  
  
"Oh, she's living at Tristan's house for a while. Working on a school thing."  
  
"Do you need me to kick his ass?" asked Luke as he turned his baseball cap sideways. For a fleeting moment, Lorelai pictured herself running her hands though his greasy hair, but blamed it on the amnesia she was sure someone was having that very evening.  
  
"Uh, hi. You'll have to pulverize whatever's left after I get too him."  
  
Luke remained silent for a moment, contemplating what he would have to work with after Lorelai got though with him. Not much, he concluded.  
  
"Luke…" Lorelai whined, "I want a Danish!"  
  
Luke ignored her comment, but made his own. "Isn't it amazing that whenever you want me, I'm here? I mean, don't I have a life? I do have television and a radio, but do I have any friends?"  
  
"Aww Luke, you have Rory. You have Taylor. You have Kirk. You have me…"  
  
"I have you?" he repeated hopefully.  
  
"Well sure," stated Lorelai, "If Rory's busy, Taylor's gardening and Kirk's in a coma…"  
  
"I'll get you that Danish" he said, and walked into the back.  
  
"Works every time…" said Lorelai satisfied. She hopped off the stool and followed Luke. 


	9. Movies, Markings and Why story is rated ...

To the readers of this brilliant satire:  
  
Believe it or not, I'm not out of inspiration yet. Unfortunately, in order to get some of my best material, I'm forced to read some fanfics that I'd otherwise never be caught dead reading. I'm contemplating having a bit of Luke heart Lorelai business, but once again, I'll need some input. The Trory debate is still raging, and I think I'll have to drag out the suspense for a bit longer. I'm glad you enjoyed the "Shorter Oxford English Dictionary" lines, I think they were inspired. Perhaps not. For those of you who have forgotten what has happened in the last 8 chapters, here's a quick summary:  
  
Rory is single since Dean moved back to Chicago. Jess has vanished. Lorelai is a crappy mother with a big heart. Luke is an excellent father figure for Rory with a big...well, ya know... heart. Tristan is back from Military school and has found himself. He loves Rory, but as usual, Rory is as naive as a doorpost. Rory lives at Tristan's house for a week to do a project for Mr. Medina, her insane teacher who wishes he were a swan. Paris is in some serious need of some Ritalin or Valium or something strong. I think that about sums it up. Sometimes I surprise myself.  
  
I think I ate too much sugar today. Whatever the reason, this chapter will probably bite hard. So don't mind me, and if you know what's good for you, you should exit this satire as fast as your little chubby fingers can click the mouse, and pretend you never saw it, never heard of it, and never smelled it, and if you can do so without attracting attention for the higher authorities, run away screaming at the top of your lungs. I have decided to make change the rating to R because there's nothing between PG- 13 and R. It's probably PG-15 or so. I'm not going to get too graphic if I can help it, because some of my readers have souls, and they wouldn't want to break the law by reading something they were too young to read. Now that this author's note is longer than the actual story, let's get on with it. Enjoy!  
  
-authors_anonymous  
  
p.s. Jess has fully restored himself, and has not made any further attempts to escape. (I don't think that his being handcuffed to the bed is the reason, but you never know...)  
  
----------------------------------------  
  
Rory sat on one of the couches in the bathroom hyperventilating. Tristan had seen her partially naked. In her underwear and a tank top. And he's responded. Not that that bothered her, but she didn't know how she would face him ever again.  
  
'Damn amnesia!' Tristan swore and punched a wall violently. No doubt he had scared her away, and she was just getting comfortable around him. Rory was a million times more gorgeous without her clothes on than he had fantasized. Tristan sat on the edge of the bed and put his face in his hands. This had never happened to him before. Tristan Dugrey could nail any girl he wanted to, anywhere, anyplace, anytime. Except for Rory. Rory Gilmore was the girl who had stolen his heart without evening knowing it. Rory Gilmore lit up his life. Heck, Rory Gilmore was his life. If Rory Gilmore mysteriously disappeared, he wouldn't be able to deal with it. If anything happened to Rory Gilmore…well as long as he was around, nothing would. He would see to that. But a guy can only be in one place at one time…  
  
[hint hint hint hint hint hint hint hint]  
  
Rory sat silently on the couch, thinking hard. Lately her only thought, the only thing that mattered, was Tristan (surprise surprise). Without even realizing it, without her consent, she had begun to like him. Even more than that. Rory had begun to love him. She couldn't imagine life without him. Tristan Dugrey lit up her life. Heck, Tristan Dugrey was her life. If Tristan Dugrey mysteriously disappeared, she wouldn't be able to deal with it. If anything happened to him…well she probably wouldn't mind as much as he most likely would if it were the other way around because she had two other boys fawning over her. In anything happened to Tristan Dugrey…well there was still Dean and Jess. Dean was in Chicago, but undoubtedly he would be back at the flash of a dollar bill, and Jess…well Jess was known to show up in random places to save the day. Tristan is the love affection in this story, so ignore the above and please pretend Rory actually cares if Tristan disappears. Rory hadn't imagined that she would fall so fast and so hard for her biblical rival. She had known that she would in the end, but his charismatic personality had drawn her in like a hungry rabid animal…  
  
[hint hint hint hint hint hint hint hint]  
  
Tristan glanced at his Rolex. 'If she was going to live in there', he thought, 'I'll use my time constructively!' With that, he pulled off his shirt and folded it neatly. He chose the top pair of boxers in the drawer (red silk to remind him of Rory…stupid, he knows) and was changing into them when Rory opened the door.  
  
"Tristan, I…" she stopped when she saw him. Tristan spun around, his boxers barely clinging to his muscular body. Rory gulped and blinked several times. Even though he was covered, she could still see his pelvis bones and his sculpted chest.  
  
"…I, uh…" said Rory, and gulped again.  
  
"Look, Rory, I'm really sorry."  
  
"It's not your fault, I should have locked it."  
  
"I should have warned you that the lock doesn't work."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"You have nothing to be sorry for…" replied Tristan and pulled on a loose t- shirt. Rory missed his chest before it was over his head. "So…do you want to watch a movie or something?"  
  
"Sure!" said Rory, glad of something to remove the tension. "What do you have?"  
  
"Almost every movie ever made" said Tristan airily. Rory made a noise of disbelief. Tristan picked up a small black remote from his bedside table and typed in a six digit code. Suddenly, the two large walls on either side of the big screen television rose, and thousands upon thousands of movies lined the shelves.  
  
"Wow, I'm impressed!" said Rory and began to look over the titles.  
  
"Any preference?" asked Tristan.  
  
"Oh, anything's fine…" said Rory, "as long as it doesn't have any violence, sex or racism."  
  
"So there's about six movies left" joked Tristan as he selected one from the shelf.  
  
"What did you choose?" asked Rory.  
  
"Wait and see…" Tristan put the tape in and sat on the bed next to Rory who was already leaning onto the massive amount of pillows.  
  
An hour later the two were buried under massive amounts of pillows. Tristan had seen Rory shivering, and doing the gentlemanly thing to do, he had buried her alive. What he didn't realize was that being cold hadn't caused the shivering, only being so close to him. Rory looked over at Tristan. He seemed to be engrossed by the movie and wasn't looking at her. Furtively, she inched closer until she was just millimeters away. Tristan looked at Rory. She seemed to be watching the movie, but for some reason she was much closer than she had been ten minutes ago. He decided to take his life into his hands. Tristan took her hand. Rory looked at Tristan's hand on hers. It was so large and well defined and molded perfectly with hers. More perfectly than even Dean's had. (Not surprising, since Dean had had six fingers- Rory had just neglected to count them…).  
  
By the time the credits rolled, Rory was fast asleep. Tristan laid a blanket over her and took one for himself. 'It was a big enough bed', he reasoned, 'for two people to sleep. It was a big enough bed for eight' (He had tried once…a long story involving him, a lot of beer and 7 girls). With that as a final thought, he fell asleep.  
  
Rory woke up with a jerk. Where was she? It took her several moments to realize that she was at Tristan's house, and several more to realize she was in Tristan's bed. Rory located Tristan sleeping near the edge. His blanket had fallen off and his hair was more mussed than usual. Before she could think too much of it, she scooted over and lay down next to him. His body was radiating heat. Without a further thought, Rory fell asleep.  
  
'What the hell?' thought Tristan when he felt a small body press next to his. It was Rory. What was she doing next to him? She had obviously thought that he was asleep, and thought nothing of lying next to him. Tristan smiled to himself and fell asleep.  
  
Rory groaned when the sun hit her eyes. She had never felt so contented as she was feeling right now. Tristan's arm was lying over her stomach protectively. She felt comfortable in his embrace, happy even. She felt Tristan stirring and tried to pull away, but found that she couldn't because he was holding on too tightly. He obviously knew what he was doing, she reflected and stopped struggling. Tristan felt her body give in and wondered how much hold he had over her. Not that it mattered, because he loved her for her mind and soul…but he was human after all…  
  
Tristan began rubbing her stomach in lazy circles. He felt Rory tense, but as quickly as the sensation had come, it was gone. Slowly, so she could stop him, he moved his hand to the hem of her shirt and gently touched the soft skin underneath. After a few moments he moved it and tenderly moved her hair away from her neck.  
  
Rory groaned inwardly at the loss of contact. His hand had felt to good against her skin. She gasped softly when she felt his mouth on her neck. He chewed her for a minute and then stopped. Rory moaned. Tristan heard and complied. He ran his tongue up and down his neckline and left a series of small bites in his wake.  
  
Just as it was about to get heated, his alarm clock rang. They both jumped, and Rory took the opportunity to flee to the bathroom. 'Oh god, oh god…what's gotten into me?' Rory said, tears in her eyes. She rubbed her neck affectionately. She had little teeth marks. That should never have happened, but it did, and it felt so right.  
  
Half an hour later both the Chiltonites were in the kitchen, having unanimously decided not to discuss what had just happened.  
  
"God, how much coffee are you planning on drinking?" asked Tristan, once again awed at the girls caffeine tolerance.  
  
"You're such a wimp. What have you had? Half a cup?"  
  
"Actually, I finished mine. I'm still kinda wondering about you though."  
  
"Do you have a flask or something?" asked Rory, purposely ignoring his watchful eyes. It was a bit tedious at times, always being watched by those baby blues. Especially this morning. What did he think she was going to do? Steal the silverware?  
  
"In the cabinet behind you" replied Tristan. Rory turned around and opened the cabinet only to see a line of flasks too high for her to reach. Not one to ask for help, she stood on her tip toes and reached as high as she could, but to no avail. Tristan strode over and reached over her, brushing her back and arms.  
  
"Thanks…" said Rory weakly, drained from all the physical contact. As soon as the last drop of coffee had been poured, the two left to Chilton.  
  
"Do you have a preference?" asked Tristan when he had led her to the garage. There were several (hundred) sports cars lined up, each shinier than the last.  
  
"Anything's fine" said Rory, and made a mental note that if the Harvard dream didn't work out she could always marry rich or learn how to car burgle. Tristan selected one and the two drove off, into the sunrise.  
  
(Hartford doesn't have a strange time setting like Star's Hollow does, but it is strange in its own way. Hartford has a strange daylight savings thing going on. When Rory and Tristan drove to school it was nearly 8:30, but the sun was rising. By lunchtime it would be pitch black with several stars, and by dinner it would be dusk. Go figure.) 


	10. Lorelai, Leather and Girlfriends

To the readers that never gave up:  
  
Wow! Tenth chapter already! Thank you all soo much for sticking with me, and not giving up when the story started to get bad. I spent a few days reading fanfics, and I feel ready to write another chapter. This chapter should be brilliant. VERY VERY IMPORTANT: Rory doesn't behave in character near the end, prompted by a few crappy fanfics I read somewhere else. If they resemble yours, don't sue me or be mad. I'm not intentionally satirizing yours. Sadly, the review love has stopped. I'm wondering if it's because I've changed it to R? But it's not. Really. I don't want it to be R. I never wanted it to be R. But this chapter is good clean fun for the whole family. Did that scare you? Hope so.  
  
--authors_anonymous  
  
p.s. Jess likes this chapter. He really does...  
  
p.p.s. 3 N's still in effect.  
  
Rory felt Tristan move his legs under her desk. He had been doing a lot of that lately, fidgeting. Rory tried to ignore the feeling in her stomach and concentrate on her work. Uneasily, she slipped back into her reading and was jolted when Tristan fidgeted once again. Irritated, she moved her desk slightly forward. Tristan looked at Rory's back, hurt. He had hoped they could be friends, if not more. Rory started to get up and packed her books quickly. Around him, the other students were doing the same. Tristan mimed them, and accidentally brushed hands with Rory when she turned around to take her bag off her chair back.  
  
"Sorry..." Tristan said, and looked at her hopefully. Rory didn't respond. She didn't even look like she'd heard him. 'Off in her own world...'he thought and walked out to his locker.  
  
When he got there, Rory was unpacking her books [time inconsistency #1].  
  
"Mary...earth to Mary..."  
  
"It's Rory!" she said maliciously and slammed her locker door shut. "Leave me alone." That said, she turned on her heel and walked quickly away.  
  
Three periods later, Rory couldn't believe her oh-so-blue eyes. Tristan walked into English with his arm around the waist of another girl. 'Not that it mattered…' Rory chided herself, before taking a deep breath and walking into the room. The girl was sitting in Rory's desk, swiveled facing Tristan. She heard a few words when she got closer to them.  
  
"…Actually, today's my second day here…it was awful, I had to leave all my friends and my boyfriend…no, we both agreed that long distance relationships are too hard…"  
  
"Ahem." Rory coughed, ignoring the startled looks around her.  
  
The girl turned around, "yes?"  
  
"Sorry to break this up, but you're in my seat…so, if you don't mind…"  
  
"Oh, not at all!" she said, rising. "My name's Tiffany."  
  
"Oh, hi…" said Rory, distracted. Tiffany looked at Rory expectantly. "I'm Rory."  
  
"Nice to meet you Rory…" the comment was cut short, however, when the class was called to order by Mr. Medina, in a terrible mood, because his favorite book (Swan's Way) had been used as a coaster by a math teacher. Tiffany sat down in the vacant seat next to Tristan.  
  
Rory listened to the Tiffany's tapping pencil in annoyance. 'Ugh! She's so annoying and perky!' thought Rory, and tried to ignore how close Tristan had moved to her. They were whispering and Tristan had his arm around the back of her chair. Since she didn't have any books, he had 'valiantly' offered to share his. 'It shouldn't matter!' Rory thought angrily, 'it's not like I like him or anything…' It wasn't too soon when the bell rang. Rory packed up her books slowly, not sure what to do. She had come to a resolve to talk to Tristan about what had happened. It was shattered when Rory happened to look the over her shoulder.  
  
Rory stalked off, tears stinging her eyes. How she hated him. She had trusted him, and look what had happened! Word had spread through the school: Tristan and Tiffany- the newest couple. She had been in Chilton for less than a day, and she already had a boyfriend! And to make the blow even harsher for poor Rory, they declared their love during English class by making out in the back. Mr. Medina had been too busy reading Swan's Way to notice. Rory looked at her watch. If she ran, she would just catch the bus home [time inconsistency #2]. The project could wait. If necessary, she'd do her part at home and then join it up with his.  
  
Rory went outside just in time to see the bus pull away. "Drat!" she said aloud, and settled herself down for a long wait.  
  
"Where were you?" asked Tristan, breaking into her oblivion.  
  
"Here…" answered Rory simply, never looking up from her book.  
  
"We had a date-" no sooner then the words were out of his mouth he regretted them, "-a, um…a study date…"  
  
"Looks like it's broken."  
  
"Look, Rory, I'm sorry about the whole Mary thing. I didn't think it would bother you so much."  
  
"Whatever" she replied, not looking at him.  
  
"Rory." Tristan said, and tried to make her look at him. "Rory, come on. Let's go to my house. Or let me drive you home…" she didn't reply. "Think about the project," he cajoled, "think about Harvard…"  
  
"Fine!" Rory said eventually, and stood up. With as much dignity as she could muster, she walked with him to his car and got in, but ignored his weak attempts at conversation by staring resolutely out the window.  
  
"Did you finish the dance?" asked Tristan, looking up from his complicated choreography chart.  
  
"Almost…" said Rory, and set about putting the final touches on hers. Tristan waited patiently, and as soon as she finished he stood up to demonstrate his. Several hours later the two were sitting in the garden eating dinner.  
  
"I have a surprise for you," said Tristan  
  
"Oh yeah, what?" asked Rory, still eating the spaghetti. Tristan pulled two strips of paper with periferal lines on them from his pocket and handed them to her.  
  
"These are tickets…" said Rory dumbly.  
  
"Keep reading…"  
  
"P.J. Harvey tickets…"  
  
"Mmm hmmm…"  
  
"P.J. Harvey tickets for tonight…oh my god!!!" Rory practically yelled.  
  
"Wanna go?"  
  
"How did you get these? They've been sold out for years!"  
  
"Look at the seats…" Tristan said, smiling.  
  
"Fifth row center!"  
  
"What?" asked Tristan "Oh, sorry, those are the wrong ones."  
  
Rory handed them back, slightly upset. After all, those were dream seats.  
  
"Here are the right ones…" said Tristan and handed her a new pair.  
  
"Tristan…these are on the stage…"  
  
"Yeah. That's the closest I could get."  
  
"That's impossible. We can't sit on the stage! We'll get in her way and trip over things and…"  
  
"Rory, you're babbling."  
  
"You call that babbling? You haven't seen me babble!"  
  
"So, do you want to go or not?" asked Tristan, his palms sweating.  
  
Rory stopped a moment in indecision. "What about Tiffany? Won't she want to go?"  
  
"Tiffany?" asked Tristan confused, "who's Tiffany?" Rory stared at him in disbelief.  
  
"Tall, blonde, skinny as a stick…the one you were making out with during English…"  
  
"Oh, her!" Tristan said, comprehension dawning. "Oh, why would she want to go?"  
  
"Because she's your girlfriend…"  
  
"We broke up. It wasn't working out."  
  
"Tristan," said Rory, starting to get very much annoyed, "you only knew her for three hours. For two of them you were sticking your tongue down her throat."  
  
"Yeah, well, she didn't have much to say…"said Tristan, who desperately wanted to change the subject. "Do you want to go?"  
  
"Definetly!" said Rory, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I've got to get ready though. I didn't bring any concert clothes…" she said, her face falling.  
  
"We'll stop by your house on the way" said Tristan, and took her hand.  
  
"Hey mom!"  
  
"Hey Rory, what are you doing home?"  
  
"I'm going to the P.J. Harvey concert with Tristan tonight, and I need to get changed!"  
  
"What are you going to wear?" asked Lorelai, slightly bemused at her daughter.  
  
"I have just the thing!" Rory said, and dashed into her room. Lorelai followed. "…You know, to be one with the scene…" Rory held up an all leather pant suit.  
  
"It's great!" said Lorelai, "considering the fact that a) P.J. Harvey is a vegetarian, b) you shouldn't own such a thing and c) if you infact did own such a thing, you should have lent it to me last night when I went on a date with this guy from my business class who hit on me next to the soda machine last week."  
  
"You went on a date with a guy from your business class who hit on you next to the soda machine last week? Do tell!" said Rory, while struggling into the all leather pants suit.  
  
"Well…" said Lorelai, clearly relishing the memory, "last week I was standing next to the soda machine-"  
  
"Help me with this, would you?" asked Rory, indicating to a zipper. "Go on!"  
  
"Well…last week I was standing next to the soda machine, the one next to the cookie machine, and two machines away from the coffee machine…"  
  
"You were standing at a soda machine when there was a coffee machine two machines away?"  
  
"Hi, it was out of order!"  
  
"Oh. Continue."  
  
"Okay, so, I was standing at the soda machine and this guy walks up to me-"  
  
"This guy?"  
  
"Yeah, Chuck…"  
  
"What kind of name is Chuck?"  
  
"Can I continue?"  
  
"Definitely."  
  
"So, Chuck walks up to me, and introduces himself and then offers to buy me a soda. I started talking about how the coffee machine was out of order, and that's the only reason I was standing in front of the soda machine, and then he offered to take me out for coffee."  
  
"You went out for coffee with a man named Chuck?"  
  
"He was really built" replied Lorelai smugly.  
  
"Ahh…"  
  
"So, one thing led to another…and he asked me out, and I went."  
  
"And…" Rory prompted.  
  
"Chuck isn't the smartest knife in the drawer."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"And he's caffeine intolerant"  
  
"Chuck. The caffeine intolerant man. How sad."  
  
"Oh, don't cry for me."  
  
"Noted. So, how do I look?" asked Rory, and modeled the leather cat suit for her mother.  
  
"Like you own a motorcycle."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"So, have fun kid. Be safe. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Lorelai shouted to her retreating back.  
  
"So, basically anything legal?" joked Rory.  
  
"Wow…" mouthed Tristan when he saw Rory. She was wearing tight leather pants, and a very low, very tight, very revealing top that showed quite a lot. "You look…amazing…" said Tristan, for lack of a better word. Rory just smiled.  
  
Author's Note: I hope anyone who got this far has enjoyed it. I'm terribly sorry that the end sucks, but I'm going to fix it all in the next chapter. I leave you with this:  
  
Chapter 11 contains: -An unexpected event that brings the Tristan and Rory closer  
  
-A trip far far away  
  
-A definite NON trory chapter…(unless you tell me otherwise)  
  
Now, if it's not too much trouble, I'd be ever so much obliged if you would review, because it prompts me to write faster and it makes me all tingly inside. Remember: Flames=bad  
  
--a_a 


	11. Attacks, Apologies and Misunderstandings

To my tolerant reviewing readers:  
  
I'm terribly sorry that I had to abandon you. I have had too much work to write the next chapter for over a week. But it's here now, and I hope you enjoy it. Don't forget to review several times for each previous chapter. And a few times for this chapter after you read it. And review between the end of this chapter and beginning of the next. Review review review!!! Thank you for listening to my reviewing rant. Read and enjoy. And try not to get annoyed with me after you read this.  
  
-authors-anonymous  
  
p.s. Jess say's "remember kids, this is only a PG-14.5365 story!"  
  
Rory couldn't believe how lucky she was to have someone like Tristan to spoil her with concert tickets at the drop of a hat. He had been a perfect gentleman, much to her slight annoyance, and hadn't tried to kiss her or cop a feel. She glanced over at him. He seemed to be enjoying the concert, and was unconsciously tapping his foot in rhythm to the music. Shyly, Rory laced her fingers with his. Tristan looked over at her, surprised. Rory smiled at him, and turned her attention back to the singer, 2 meters away from her.  
  
Tristan stopped the car outside a coffee shop on the way home. As usual, Tristan knew that Rory was craving a cup of coffee. He bought two cups and brought them over to the table where she was sitting.  
  
"So, what did you think of it?" she asked after she took a deep slurp from the drink.  
  
"It was great. I'm going to buy the CD's now!" said Tristan, enthusiastically.  
  
Rory laughed, and looked pulled Tristan's arm towards her so she could see his watch. "Ugh, it's getting pretty late. I should go home."  
  
"Yeah, let me just get some napkins," Tristan said, and handed her his car keys.  
  
Rory walked briskly outside to the car. She saw something move out of the corner of her eye. 'I wonder what that was?' she thought, and squinted in the direction of the movement. Just as she looked, something ambushed her from behind, and pushed her to the floor. Rory tried to scream, but no sound came out...  
  
[AN: how cliqued...]  
  
Tristan waited impatiently for the cashier to put some more napkins out. When the cashier finally managed to rip open the plastic seal and placed them slowly on the counter, Tristan took several and wrapped them around his cup of coffee. Then he sauntered slowly to his car.  
  
"Rory?" called Tristan. She wasn't in the car. He looked behind the car and under it before his intensive search was rewarded with a low moan. "Rory?" Tristan leapt around and saw her lying on the ground, bleeding, barely conscious. "Rory? What happened?" he asked her, and lifted her head from the ground gently.  
  
"Tristan..."Rory sobbed, "...don't leave me..."  
  
"Rory, what happened?" asked Tristan, only to be gratified with harder sobbing. "Shh... I won't leave you...don't worry..." said Tristan, while making comforting noises. Only then did he notice the blood on his hands, her fragile body, and the ground around her. "Ror, are you hurt?" he demanded. "Do you need to go the hospital?"  
  
"I'll be fine..." said Rory, and pulled his arms around her shaking frame.  
  
"You're bleeding!" exclaimed Tristan. "What happened?"  
  
Slowly Rory told him, "They came out of no where...they just jumped out at me...I fought back...they knocked me down...they just attacked...they ripped my clothes..." here she started sobbing again, "...and...and...they..."  
  
"Shh...I understand..." said Tristan, and cursed his insatiable need for napkins. He could have stopped the attack, had he been there. He would have defended Rory with his life. He helped her up and tucked her in his car, before speeding off the hospital.  
  
Tristan paced back and forth outside the emergency room.  
  
"Son, would you mind filling these out while you wait?" asked a nurse. She handed him a clipboard with several sheets.  
  
"Sure...can you tell me where a phone is?"  
  
"Just down the hall, on the right of the vending machines."  
  
"Thanks," Tristan said, and pulled on his coat.  
  
"No problem. Don't forget about those sheets."  
  
"I won't."  
  
"And don't worry. Your girlfriend will be alright."  
  
"Oh," said Tristan, and looked at the nurse amused, "she's not my girlfriend."  
  
"And she's dressed like that?"  
  
"When will we know how she is?" he asked, avoiding the question.  
  
The nurse replied apologetically, "I'm sorry, we don't know yet."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Tristan put the receiver to his ear and listened to the rings. One...two...three...four...five...  
  
"Suicide hotline, please hold" said a very feminine voice. 


	12. Hospitals, Hoping and Telephones

Chapter 12  
  
To my remarkable readers: Echh, does anyone else hate it when websites die? For the record, that's why the story hasn't been updated in a million years. Anyways, if you were left hanging after Chapter 11 and you wanted to kill me slowly, I'm very sorry and I hope that this chapter will ease your worries. If it doesn't, well...please don't kill me. Anyways, luckily for you I'm not in a ranting mood, so I'll skip the usual rant and jump right into the story. Enjoy (& review...) -authors-anonymous  
  
{...Tristan put the receiver to his ear and listened to the rings. One...two...three...four...five... "Suicide hotline, please hold" said a very feminine voice....}  
  
Tristan waited patiently and listened to the rustling and muted swearing in the background. Finally someone answered.  
  
"Hey, sorry about that. The lamp tried to eat me. But I don't suppose you phoned to talk about me, so let us cut through the chase. To whom have I the honour of speaking with?"  
  
"It's Tristan."  
  
"Were you impressed with my phone protocol? I phoned your house to see if Rory was with you about half an hour ago and Jeeves answered."  
  
"Jeeves?" asked Tristan, slightly amused.  
  
"Your butler!" said Lorelai, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
"Ohh, him. Actually his name is Harold.... I think..." replied Tristan, trying to remember his name.  
  
"No, I think it was Jeeves," said Lorelai, "because he sounded like a Jeeves. Which brings me to the reason of my telephone call. Where's Rory? She said she'd come home right after the concert and post-concert coffee."  
  
"We're at the hospital."  
  
"Uchh, if I've told her once, I've told her a hundred times. She knows that hospital coffee sucks."  
  
"Actually, we didn't go for the coffee. Rory..."  
  
"What? What happened to my baby?!" asked Lorelai on the verge of hysteria.  
  
"Rory was attacked..."  
  
"What? Where? How? Why? When?"  
  
"Rory was attacked, after the post-concert coffee in the parking lot, the usual way, I don't know, and do you want me to be redundant?"  
  
"No, not at a time like this. I'll be there in ten minutes." The line went dead. Tristan hung up slowly.  
  
Tristan looked up from studying his shoes at the sound of frantic yelling down the hall. Mere seconds later Lorelai ran down the hall and burst into the room on Tristan's left. Tristan didn't bother following, as he knew what would happen to her.  
  
"Hey, get your hands off me!" yelled Lorelai, struggling against the strong grip of the nurse. "I want to see my daughter!" They two fought for a few minutes, and the nurse only let go when Lorelai bit her hand.  
  
"Lorelai!" Tristan scolded, and pulled her into the chair next to him, "calm down! Biting the nurse again isn't going to help Rory!" Lorelai looked at Tristan and saw the truth in his eyes. She sighed. "I know, I know. It was kinda satisfying though, in a weird way."  
  
"Rory should be available for questioning in a few minutes" said the doctor, surfacing from the forbidden room.  
  
"Doctor," Lorelai said, casually running her hand down her outstretched leg, "could you possibly...shorten the time span?"  
  
"Well..." the doctor stuttered, clearing his throat, "I suppose something could be arranged..."  
  
Just then the door opened and a nurse emerged. "Rory is ready to see you now." Lorelai brushed past Tristan and hurried inside. Tristan ran his fingers through his hair nervously and followed.  
  
"Rory! Are you okay? What happened? Wh--"  
  
"Mom, I'm fine!" said Rory, smiling slightly. "I'm just a little knocked up..."  
  
"Literally?" asked Lorelai worriedly. Tristan coughed slightly.  
  
"Tris..." Rory said, looking around for him, slightly nervous that he wouldn't' be there.  
  
"Right here Rory," he responded and sat on the edge of her bed. "I'm sorry Rory, I shouldn't have left you. I only hope..." Tristan's eyes welled up with tears. "I only hope that you will forgive me..."  
  
"Tristan, it wasn't your fault, and even if you had been there it wouldn't have prevented anything," replied Rory, as her own eyes moistened.  
  
"Are you ready to talk about what happened?" asked Lorelai, her annoying impatience surfacing at last. Rory looked at both Lorelai and Tristan. "I..."started Rory, as a single tear slipped down her cheek.  
  
"I'll leave" said Tristan gallantly.  
  
"No, Tristan, I need you!" called Rory, distressed.  
  
"Tristan," began Lorelai, "you're one of the family. In a non-sexual way. Stay."  
  
"Thank you" said Tristan quietly.  
  
"Now, Rory, you were saying...?" prompted Lorelai.  
  
"I was leaving the coffee shop, and Tristan was getting some napkins...and I walked over to the car, and then I saw something..." Rory paused to blow her nose. "...Then it jumped at me from behind, and it...it...bit me and scratched me...it tried to kill me..." Rory started crying. "If Tristan hadn't come and scared them off, they would have..."  
  
"Who?" asked Lorelai, thoroughly confused.  
  
"The rabid squirrels..." replied Rory, and started to cry even harder.  
  
"The rabid squirrels? Like those tiny little animals?"  
  
"They have big teeth Lorelai, they shouldn't be underestimated," said Tristan.  
  
"Can you go home yet?" asked Lorelai, ignoring Tristan.  
  
"As soon as the test results come in" replied Rory. "Mom, could you get me some coffee?"  
  
"Aww..." whined Lorelai, "make Tristan do it!"  
  
"Mom..."  
  
"Ahh..." she responded, as realization dawned. "Sure."  
  
Rory looked at Tristan. He looked so sweet, sitting at her side. "What are you thinking about?" she asked.  
  
"How accident prone you are. It seems like every few weeks you get into an accident, and I'm always the one who takes you to the hospital. I mean, think about it. I'm always here. Don't you find it a bit perplexing?" Rory laughed, and the two fell into an easy banter.  
  
Both Lorelai and the test results arrived at the same time. It turned out that Rory didn't have rabies. It only took her a few moments to change from her hospital gown into something more suitable, and the three left the hospital in much better spirits than they had come in with. 


	13. Flowers, Fights and Slight Overprotectiv...

To the amazing readers whom I call my own: You have my sincerest apologize; I never meant to stop the story so abruptly. However, to compensate, I'm going to write the longest chapter I have ever attempted to write. I've been thinking and tinkering, mulling and musing, and finally I have an idea that may just be the funniest idea known to man. And I'm not exaggerating. I'm sorry this is getting so long, but if you're like me, the longer the better. Okay, I'm done babbling for the moment. Oh, and before I forget, after you read this, please review. I'd like to know how many people are reading this, so even if you don't feel like writing anything, I'd be much obliged if you could just type in a grade, your initials or your phone number. No, I was just joking about the last one. But I'd appreciate it, and as fellow authors know, the more reviews, the easier it is to write. Okay, that's it. Enjoy.  
  
-author's-anonymous  
  
p.s. Jess blows kisses at all the lovely ladies who are reading this (and some of the guys too!)  
  
p.p.s. This chapter was updated on August 14th, 2002. If you read it before then, you might want to try again. Chapter 14 is coming soon- with a guest appearance from your favorite oppressed Korean girl...Lane!!!  
  
p.p.p.s. It's sad, I know, but I'm computer illiterate. I'd be much obliged if someone who actually knows how to use one could tell me how to use italics and bold. Please, I'm dying here. And don't you want more stories?  
  
---------------------------------------------------  
  
Rory woke up with tears on her face. She had been having the same dream every night since her 'near-death' experience. It always ended right before Tristan found her. She could hear him calling her name in desperation and worry, but she couldn't answer. She lay frozen in the parking lot, blood oozing through her leather suit, dripping onto the concrete. All she could think about was Tristan, and how she wanted to live another day, just so she could be held by his strong, muscular, powerful, strapping, stalwart, brawny, robust, husky, manly arms. Then, she died. Rory reached for a Kleenex and blew her nose vigorously and then went back to sleep.  
  
"Hey Rory! Wakey-wakey!" called Lorelai from somewhere above her. Rory struggled to open her eyes. Eventually her mother's head focused above her.  
  
"What?" asked Rory groggily, looking at Lorelai confused.  
  
"It's time to go to Luke's! Come on, get up!"  
  
"Mom..." whined Rory, uncharacteristically, "...it's Saturday."  
  
"Please Rory?" asked Lorelai, batting her eyes at her daughter coyly. "I promise you'll see something interesting if you come with me!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You have to come to Luke's to find out!" called Lorelai over her shoulder as she bounced out of the room joyously. Grumpily, Rory got ready to go to Luke's.  
  
"I know something you don't know..."chanted Lorelai, the entire walk to the diner.  
  
"Mom!" Rory practically yelled, "tell me!"  
  
"Well, I could...but cable has been pretty sucky lately. This could be interesting."  
  
"What kind of Mother are you?"  
  
"A really hot one. Remember when you went to the movies with Lane, Dean and his really dumb friend who Lane loved until you intervened?" asked Lorelai, batting her eyelashes at a passerby.  
  
"Like you'd ever let me forget it," Rory retorted.  
  
"Well he was right. I am hot. But enough about me..." Lorelai said, smiling mischievously.  
  
"Mom, did anyone ever tell you you're annoying?" queried Rory, rolling her eyes. 'Like anything was ever enough for her' she reflected inwardly.  
  
"Repeatedly. Speaking of Dean, there he is," said Lorelai, pointing. Rory looked from Lorelai to her finger and finally to the region her finger was aimed at. Dean was sitting on the back of a bench, holding a basketball and a bunch of flowers.  
  
"Dean!" Rory exclaimed, causing him to look in the Gilmore's direction.  
  
"Rory!" he said, jumping up and running over to her. "I missed you!"  
  
"You never told me you were coming back!"  
  
"I didn't know until last night."  
  
"Wow..." said Rory, at a loss for intelligent conversation. "So...was your flight good?"  
  
"Is that all you can say? Didn't you miss me?"  
  
"Of course I did, but this is so..."  
  
"Unexpected?" chirped Lorelai helpfully.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Umm, Lorelai, do you think I could have a minute alone with Rory?" asked Dean, looking from a smug Lorelai to a dumbfounded Rory.  
  
"I'll order for you," said Lorelai to Rory, and crossed the road to Luke's.  
  
Dean eyed the tight t-shirt and hip-hugging jeans Rory was wearing. He mentally wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her and imagined what was underneath. Because, after all, he hadn't managed to get her farther than kissing. Rory was still 'innocent'.  
  
"So, how long are you going to be here for?" asked Rory, looking up at her former stud muffin.  
  
"It all depends," answered Dean. "Rory, I'd like to pick up where we left off."  
  
"Left off from what?" questioned Rory, confused.  
  
Dean chuckled, and replied, "our relationship."  
  
"Ohh, that! Umm, well I don't know if that's quite possible..." started Rory.  
  
[Dean, however, had selective hearing, and heard Rory say: 'Ohh, that! Well, that's quite possible!' or something of the sort.]  
  
"So, I'll pick you up at 8 okay?"  
  
"What? Didn't you just hear anything I said?"  
  
"Yeah, of course I did Rory. Wear something slinky and ravishing for me, I've got reservations for..."  
  
"Dean!" Rory yelled, "I'm not going to wear anything slinky or ravishing for you! I'm not-"  
  
[Dean's selective hearing heard: 'Dean! I'm going to ravish you!']  
  
'Well, a little feisty there!' Dean thought, impressed. 'I guess she isn't as innocent as I thought! Well, she shouldn't be, since we've been going out for more than 3 months...I mean, I'm hot, I should have at least gotten under her shirt by now...' Dean smiled down at her. "Okay, sweetie, see you at eight!" he said, and kissed her hungrily before walking away, a bounce in his step.  
  
"Hey, Dean!" Rory called to his retreating back, "what about those flowers?"  
  
"These? Oh, they're for Taylor. See you later!"  
  
Rory stumbled into the diner, emotionally drained from her confrontation with Dean. "Rory, I ordered you pancakes with extra bacon and...what's wrong?" said Lorelai, jumping up worriedly.  
  
"Dean! Dean's wrong! Euch, I can't stand him. I remember why I broke up with him now!"  
  
"Umm, didn't you break up with him because he moved to Chicago?" asked Lorelai.  
  
"And because he pressured me to have sex with him!"  
  
"Who pressured you to have sex with him?" asked Luke, coming over with their food. "If I ever get my hands on him, I'm going to..."  
  
"Honey, it's okay. Just tell him you're not interested and hopefully he'll respect you enough to understand," said Lorelai soothingly, ignoring Luke who was swearing badly.  
  
"Mom, it's not that easy! For some reason I don't think he can hear me!"  
  
"Where you direct and precise?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"Did you use 'I' sentences?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"I think I know what the problem is!"  
  
"What?" asked Rory, amazed at the perceptiveness her mother had.  
  
"He has selective hearing."  
  
"What?" repeated Rory.  
  
"He has selective hearing."  
  
"You're not helping you know."  
  
"Sorry. What I meant was...well, he only hears what he wants to hear...like Luke!"  
  
"Mom, Luke doesn't have selective hearing."  
  
"Rory, I think I know when one of my..."  
  
Luckily their argument was stopped when Kirk ran into the dinner, shouting on the top of his lungs. "Excuse me! Current eaters at Luke's Diner! There is a fight commencing near the gazebo! If you wish to-"  
  
"Out of the way, sugar!" said Babette, brushing past him quickly. The diner emptied out, and Rory followed warily.  
  
"Fight! Fight!" rang out, as two boys punched each other.  
  
"No fighting! It's against the town's policy!" called Taylor, holding a mega-phone in one hand and a bunch of flowers in the other. "Boys!"  
  
"Rory! Look!" said Lorelai, pointing at the scuffle. "That's Dean!"  
  
"Oh no!" cried Rory, and pushed herself through the crowd. "That's Tristan!"  
  
"Wow, he sure can pack a punch..." said Lorelai, impressed as he broke Dean's nose.  
  
"What should I do?" asked Rory, watching the fight frantically.  
  
"Well, you have three choices. One, you cheer for who ever you want to win, and afterwards nurse them back to health when they inevitably get beaten to a pulp. Personally, I think that's the smart one. Two, you stand on the sidelines, and try to talk some sense into them. I don't know how effective that would be."  
  
"What's the third choice?"  
  
"Jump in and try to break them apart, almost certainly getting injured in the process."  
  
Without another thought, Rory ran into the scuffle.  
  
__________________________________________________  
  
Author's Note: Well, I hope you enjoyed this. I didn't get quite as far as I thought I would, but don't worry, I'm going to work really hard to fix it up. So, as always, suggestions would be appreciated, and if you don't like this part much, I can always update it. I'm going on holiday now, and I don't know how much time I'll have to update this. Don't give up on me! Come September, there will be much more Gilmorey-Goodness. Please please review, I'm begging you! Thanks for all the support, I heart my reviewers and readers!  
  
-a_a 


	14. Blood, Bandaids and Ketchup

Chapter 14  
  
To my supercallafragilisticexpialadoshous readers: I updated Chapter 13, so if you care to read the changes, please do so, and tell me if it's better than it used to be. Wow, I have 89 reviews! That's amazing! I still don't know how many people are reading this, but unless you take pity on me and review, I fear I shall never know. As to the queries/requests that this should/not be a 'Trory' (euch, that's an ugly word! whoever thought of it should be shot or something) I don't know what's going to happen yet. But I have a pretty good idea. And don't worry, all opinions will be appeased. I promise. On another note, I promised a guest appearance from Lane, which is going to happen in Chapter 15 (sorry!) But never fear! This chapter has it all. Romance, intrigue and the results from the fight (Dean vs. Tristan) in the last installment. So pull up a chair, pour yourself some coffee (Gilmore style) and get comfortable. Please review after you read this! Oh, and enjoy...  
  
-authors-anonymous  
  
p.s. Jess is coming back soon, don't you worry!  
  
p.p.s. Ahh! I hate this stupid new formatting thing. Haven't they (i.e.: fanfic gods) ever heard of paragraphs? Sorry, I had to bitch. I'm done now. Actually... ________________________________________________  
  
Legal Note:  
  
Gilmore Girls does NOT belong to me. The characters of Gilmore Girls do NOT belong to me. The wonderful actors who act in Gilmore Girls do NOT belong to me (except for Jess, but no one needs to know that).  
  
I own this story. It's my precious. MINE. Not yours. Don't steal it. If you want it, ask me first. It's quite irksome to find my story on someone else's site, when I hadn't even been told. Why (underlined several times) anyone would even WANT to have this on his or her site is unexplainable, but should the urge arise, just ASK ME FIRST! Thank you.  
  
No offence is meant to anyone. Writers and readers alike. If you feel that your story has been satirized directly, please don't be offended. Use it as "constructive criticism" if you will.  
  
That is all. _ _______________________________________________  
  
Without another thought, Rory ran into the scuffle....  
  
"Dean!" Rory shouted, jumping on the large boy's back. "Get off of him!"  
  
[Dean heard "Dean! Get him!"]  
  
"I'm trying!" he shouted back, above the noise of the crowd. "It'd be a bit easier if you weren't pulling me away..."  
  
"Hey! Bag boy! There's a reason that you're going to a public high school!"  
  
"Yeah? Well you're the one who's going to be balancing my checkbook in 10 years Dristan!"  
  
Tristan didn't reply immediately, as Deans fist smashed into his jaw.  
  
"How'd you like that rich boy? Huh?"  
  
"Your insults are as stupid as you are," said Tristan, and tackled Dean to the ground.  
  
"It takes one to know one!" quipped Dean, right before Tristan punched him, hard.  
  
"Takes one what?" asked Tristan, who was breathing heavily. Dean didn't say anything as Tristan stood up and brushed off his pants, feeling his jaw tentatively. It was quite painful, but he didn't think it was broken. He picked up his jacket, which he had thrown off in the heat of the moment, and looked down at Dean, who was lying face up on the sidewalk.  
  
"You w-want m-more of that?" sneered Dean, and tried to stand up.  
  
"More of what? You're the one on the ground, not me."  
  
"Tristan!" cried Rory, running over to him. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I am now," he declared, and took her hand.  
  
"Hey Dristan! We're not finished yet!" called Dean.  
  
"Bean...you're an idiot!" said Tristan, and walked away with Rory.  
  
"I am rubber! You are glue! What bounces off me sticks to you!" cried Dean to their retreating backs. Only when they didn't turn around did he realize that he had been mortally insulted.  
  
'Oh, precious little Rory doesn't like me anymore,' he thought, as he picked himself up slowly. 'I will be revenged! I don't care how long it takes, how long I have to go to the gym for, I will be revenged...' and as Dean continued to seethe, the crowd dispersed, dissapointed that the fight was over so soon. Taylor rushed over to Dean and helped him up, all the while lecturing him on the proper decorum for a fight in Stars Hollow.  
  
Meanwhile, back at the Gilmore home both Tristan and Rory were tending to the others wounds. Rory had been quite knocked up [no pun intended...yet] and Tristan had his troublesome jaw injury. Lorelai escorted the two home, got out a box of waterproof bandaids and left, claiming to have some pressing need at the Inn.  
  
"Oh Tristan, I'm so sorry!" said Rory, while cleaning the cuts on his face. "I had no idea that Dean was home."  
  
"Oh, I don't blame you Rory," Tristan replied, and ran his fingers lightly over her forming bruises. "But you shouldn't have run in, I could have handled it."  
  
"What do you mean? He's a lot bigger than you! He could have killed you!" Rory exclaimed, becoming slightly angry. "After all, his is my ex- boyfriend, so really I had as much right to fight him as you did."  
  
"Rory, I didn't-"  
  
"No! How can you be so condessending! Just last week you were begging me to get detention with you, and now I can't even interject some sinister ploy into the story to see you naked! God, you really are concieted."  
  
"Firstly, I wasn't 'begging', I was trying to spice things up. Secondly, if you want to see me naked, all you have to do is ask."  
  
"You're right, I'm sorry," Rory said immediatly, and down next to him on the couch. Casually, Tristan put his arm over the back and then slowly lowered it over her shoulders. Rory snuggled into his arms.  
  
"I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you..." he said, rubbing her cheek affectionately. "It's the second time that I haven't been there..."  
  
"What?!" asked Rory, confused. "The first time was fate, the second was accident. Kind of like what happens at the end of most 'Trory's'."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"It's 'fate' that me fall in love, and the 'accident'..." Rory blushed "...the accident happens when we get a bit too involved."  
  
"Ohh!" said Tristan, who was also getting a bit embarrased. Rory snuggled a bit closer to him, and put her head on his shoulder. Suddenly she jumped up.  
  
"What is it?" asked the sex god.  
  
"I'm going to get into something a bit more comfortable," said Rory, and limped towards her room. Then, she fell. Tristan jumped up and rushed over to her.  
  
"Rory?" he said, as he picked her up and held her in his arms.  
  
"Tristan, don't leave me!"  
  
"Never!" he proclaimed, and smoothed her hair. "Come on, I'll walk you too your bed room." The two made their way to Rory's room, and Tristan helped her sit on her bed. Just as he was about to leave, Rory screamed. She pointed to her pillow, and gingerly picked up the blood stained note, her name written with the stickey substance.  
  
"What does it say?" asked Tristan. Rory opened it hesitantely, and showed it to Tristan so both could read it.  
  
'Rory-- I'm watching you...-D'  
  
"Tristan! It's from Dean!" she said and dropped it. "I'm scared!"  
  
"Don't be. I'm here," Tristan replied, and threw the letter in the trash. "It's probobly nothing. I wouldn't worry about it. Actually..." he paused, thinking hard. "Well, it could be dangerous. I'd better stay in here while you get changed."  
  
"Okay..." said Rory weakly, and told him what she wanted to wear so that she could remain sitting on the bed. It took her nearly half an hour to get changed, partly because her motor movement was restricted because of shock, and partly because she wanted to give Tristan a little 'show', so to speak.  
  
Eventually they went back into the living room and chose a movie to watch. Rory was happy just sitting next to him, but Tristan had other motives. Somehow he managed to manouver Rory onto his lap, leaning against his chest. Rory felt a bit confined, but didn't show it.  
  
"Rory, I'm home!" shouted Lorelai, coming through the front door. "Tristan, are you staying or going?"  
  
"Well..."  
  
"You're right," affirmed Lorelai, "it's getting late. I'm going to bed, see you in the morning!" As soon as she went upstairs, Tristan turned to Rory.  
  
"Isn't it only two o'clock?" he asked, puzzled.  
  
"No, look outside." Tristan looked. It would have been pitch black, if not for the street lights.  
  
"Wow...that's weird..."  
  
[AN: Remember readers, Tristan is from Hartford. They don't have the weirdo time setting. Just day-light savings. God, how do I think of these things??]  
  
The two continued to hold each other long after the last credits had played and the TV had a blue screen. Both were so engrossed with their own thoughts that they hadn't even noticed the movie was over and done with.  
  
'This is amazing,' thought Tristan, 'just last season we hated each other. I called her Mary and I tried to ruin her life...how things have changed...'  
  
'Tristan is wonderful. I used to hate him, but now that I know him I know that he's a sweet, sincere, honest, hot hot man. Well, I knew about the hot part, but I didn't know how good he looked without a shirt!' thought Rory, blushing when she remembered how she had come to know. At last the two noticed, with some embarrassment, that the movie had finished. Rory disentangled herself from Tristan's lap and walked over to the hall closet, getting him a pillow and some blankets so he could sleep on the couch [AN: But does he ever 'really' sleep on the couch? I think not.].  
  
"Thanks for staying with me" Rory said as she helped him put the blankets on the couch.  
  
"Thank you for letting me stay," Tristan said, and looked into her eyes. Rory smiled at him and walked into her bedroom, leaving the door open. Then, she screamed.  
  
"Rory! What's wrong?" asked Tristan, who raced into her room at the first sign of trouble. All Rory could do was point at the bloodied note on her pillow. Tristan picked it up and held it at arms length.  
  
"What does it say?" Rory managed to gasp.  
  
"It's kind of smeary, but I think..." he squinted, "...'Rory-- I will kill you. Yours, D'"  
  
"Oh Tristan!" cried Rory, and clung to him.  
  
"It's not as bad as it seems..." said Tristan, trying to soothe both Rory and himself.  
  
"How can it not be bad? Dean wants to kill me!" Rory practically shouted.  
  
"Well..." Tristan paused, pondering. "Well, for one thing, it's not written in blood, only ketchup."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"And... well, I'm here. I'll protect you!"  
  
"Oh Tristan!" cried Rory again, and hugged him closer. "You don't know how much that means to me."  
  
'Yes, actually, I do.' Tristan thought, but didn't say anything. He just wanted to bask in the love that Rory was giving him, without even knowing it. 


	15. Parents, Projects and Name Calling

Chapter 15  
  
To my incredible readers:  
  
Wow, 15 chapters! That's more than I thought I'd write! I don't think I'm done yet either. I hope you're enjoying it, and I'm not just writing this and no one is reading it. But I'm having fun, and it's a good place for people to rant. And rants are encouraged. I've found that most people are much friendlier after they rant than before. At the time of writing this I have 91 reviews. That's pretty good, if I say so myself. Could we make it 100? It's always good to have encouragement, and right now I'm not really feeling the love. But that's enough about me. Let's talk about the story. In this chapter, there's a special appearance from Tristan's parents, Luke and your favorite geek: Kirk! I love this story :)  
  
That's it. I'm done ranting. I love you guys!  
  
--authors-anonymous  
  
--------------------------------  
  
To the reviewer who blessed me with this:  
  
this is amazinglie gay  
  
it's spelt "amazingly" and there's this wonderful little invention called the 'back' button, and if you didn't enjoy the first 13 parts, there was no need to read the 14th and then be irritating. Humph.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
[AN: Sorry, I had to that]  
  
p.s. Jess told me to tell you that he's coming back for a visit soon- you know, just to spice things up!  
  
Now, without further ado- Chapter 15  
  
Tristan didn't leave Rory that night. When the two woke up the next morning, Lorelai was already eating her third pop tart and reading the paper. Tristan and Rory looked guiltily at each other when they both exited her room at the same time and walked into the kitchen.  
  
"So I guess you didn't find the couch comfortable enough?" asked Lorelai, looking pointedly at Tristan.  
  
"No! I mean..." he started and then stopped at the look on Lorelai's face.  
  
"Would you like some coffee?" asked Rory, who had anticipated his answer and already poured him a cup. Tristan took it and gulped it down, scalding his tongue and throat.  
  
"Won't be able to use those for some time, now will ya?" teased Lorelai, when she noticed his discomforted look. "So, what are you two up to today?" asked Lorelai, after Tristan and Rory stopped blushing.  
  
"Well..." Rory started, "oh my god! Tristan! The project!"  
  
"With everything that's happened, we forgot!" he cried, and threw his hands up into the air dramatically.  
  
"What are you going to do?" asked Lorelai, unaffected by their outburst.  
  
"Come on!" cried Tristan, taking Rory's hand. "To my house!"  
  
Without another word, the two dashed out the front door, leaving a very amused Lorelai in their wake.  
  
------------  
  
Lorelai finished her cup of coffee a few minutes later and decided to go to Luke's for some breakfast. [AN: No, three pop-tarts and about a quart of coffee weren't enough, strangely.] She walked over and sat at the counter a few seats away from Kirk. Then she thought better of it, and moved next to him.  
  
"Hiya Kirk!" she said brightly, ignoring his startled look.  
  
"Lorelai, hi. Uh, I wasn't stealing the sugar, I was..."  
  
"Kirk, I have a question for you."  
  
"Okay, shoot" Kirk said, relieved she hadn't spotted him pocketing the packets of sugar on the counter.  
  
"What are you exactly?"  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Kirk.  
  
"Well, it seems you don't really have a trade."  
  
"A trade?"  
  
"You know, an occupation, a line of work, a profession, a livelihood, a career..."  
  
"What about it?" asked Kirk defensively.  
  
"Well, why?" asked Lorelai frankly. "I mean, you've worked at Doose's, the video store, the post office, as a transcriber, a server at that dinner at the Inn...I can't even count everything I've seen you do around here."  
  
"Hmmm...I never thought about that!" said Kirk and got up to leave. "I've got some serious soul searching to do. Thanks!"  
  
--------  
  
"Lorelai, what can I get you?" asked Luke a few minutes after Kirk left.  
  
"I dunno. I'm kinda feeling a bit like a burger and fries, but its only breakfast...what do you suggest?"  
  
"Come back in two hours," responded Luke sarcastically.  
  
"Yeah, like I'd survive the morning on coffee and pop-tarts!" she retorted.  
  
"Then have a muffin. I've got work to do you know."  
  
"Fine," replied Lorelai, huffily. "I'll have a chocolate banana muffin and coffee. And make it snappy!" she called to his retreating back.  
  
When Lorelai had eaten her muffin and drunk a few cups of coffee, she decided to go to work. As she was leaving the diner, Luke cleared his throat loudly.  
  
"What?" she asked, turning around.  
  
"The bill..." he said, and shook it in front of her face.  
  
"Hi, like I ever pay here anyway."  
  
"Good point. See you in two hours."  
  
Lorelai smiled and walked to the inn.  
  
---------  
  
Meanwhile, Rory and Tristan had been working hurriedly on finishing their project that both had mysteriously forgotten about. Rory was writing the 30000-word essay and Tristan was ordering chocolate from Belgium for the sculpture.  
  
[AN: if you don't remember what the project was, read chapter 5 again. I had to...isn't the embarrassing?]  
  
"How are you doing?" asked Tristan, much later that afternoon when Rory put down her pen and put her head in her hands.  
  
"Uchhhhh..." was her only reply.  
  
"Good to know. I'll be back in about half an hour. I have to pick up the chocolate."  
  
"Don't forget about the offset spatulas!" called Rory behind him.  
  
--------  
  
"Tristan, darling-" Mr. and Mrs. Dugrey started, walking into his room. "Who are you?"  
  
"Oh," said Rory, startled, and stood up shakily. "I'm Rory. Rory Gilmore." Rory said, extending her hand.  
  
"Where's Tristan?" demanded his mother, ignoring her outstretched hand and her look of dismay.  
  
"He had to pick up some supplies for our project...for school...Chilton..." she babbled, as his parents looked at her with dislike.  
  
"Gilmore..." Mrs. Dugrey mused, cackling evilly, "Emily's daughter?"  
  
"No, I'm her grand-daughter."  
  
"Emily Gilmore had a grand-daughter?" asked Mr. Dugrey curiously.  
  
"Lorelai's daughter. Now that makes you a bastard doesn't it?" Mrs. Dugrey smiled.  
  
Rory's eyes filled up with tears, and her lip trembled. Both of Tristan's parents began to laugh, and didn't stop for several minutes. Every time it seemed time for them to stop, they just started again, more menacingly. Rory refused to let herself cry, but they were being so damn mean!  
  
"What the hell is going on in here?" cried Tristan as he ran to Rory's aid.  
  
"Son, I thought you had better taste!" Mr. Dugrey chucked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Not only...not only is she a bastard..." Mrs. Dugrey could hardly talk for laughing so hard, "not...only a bastard...but a...slut!" she spat out the word, and both of the elders burst out laughing again.  
  
"I don't appreciate you mocking my friends!" Tristan said angrily, shaking his fist at his parents, who were only moments away from falling on the floor.  
  
"Don't talk to us like that!" said Mr. Dugrey, suddenly becoming angry. "We are your parents, and we can do what ever we damn well like!"  
  
"Well I don't have to live with it!" yelled Tristan and took Rory's hand in his. "We're leaving!"  
  
Together Tristan and Rory gathered a few essential items and the cow essay, leaving the Dugrey parents standing in his bedroom, eyeing each other with undisguised intent.  
  
-------------- 


	16. Living, Luggage and Cockroaches

To my favorite readers:  
  
Thanks for the reviews and your patience. I know how annoying it is to have to wait a week (or more) between every installment. I keep trying to write in Lane and the elder Gilmore's, but when my muse tugs me in a different direction, who am I to deny it? I hope you liked meeting Mr. and Mrs. Dugrey. No one really writes them in that much, so I had a challenge. They were fun characters to include. If you've seen any of the Austin Powers movies you'll understand the laughing thing. I thought it was rather amusing, but I find pretty much everything amusing, so...  
  
authors-anonymous  
  
p.s. Jess is allergic to dairy, just like Paris. Now isn't that amusing?  
  
------------  
  
"God, Tristan, I'm so sorry," Rory said for the thirtieth time in the car ride back to Stars Hollow.  
  
"Rory, it's not your fault!" Tristan replied for the thirtieth time in the car ride back to Stars Hollow.  
  
"I can't help but feel guilty...if I wasn't there, you'd still be living at home..."  
  
"Rory, listen to me." Tristan said, growing a bit impatient. "It's not your fault. My parents are screwed up people. Seriously. What right do they have to come into my room and start insulting you?"  
  
Rory looked out the window without replying. What he was saying made sense, but she still couldn't shake the guilty feeling off her conscience.  
  
It wasn't too soon when Tristan pulled up outside Rory's house. As Tristan set about lugging his huge suitcases out of the car and into her house, Rory ran up the stairs and straight into the living room.  
  
"Mom! Mom! Come quick!" yelled Rory.  
  
"Rory? What is it?" asked Lorelai, throwing down her magazine on the couch.  
  
"Mom! Is it okay if Tristan lives with us?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Is it okay if Tristan lives with us?"  
  
"You want bible boy to live with us? Why?"  
  
"His parents kicked him out...he kinda left...but...oh Mom! it's all my fault!"  
  
"Slow down...you want bible boy to come and live with us? Do you realize how weird that is?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well, if knowledge serves me, you hated him last year. I mean, you DISPISED him. And when he left, you cared WAY more than you should have. And then, for some god-forsaken reason, he came back from military school and BAM! here he is, about to live with us...it's just kinda weird, that's all..."  
  
"Do you mean it?" asked Rory excitedly, "...he can stay with us?"  
  
"Sure, why not!" smiled Lorelai, "I mean, we have an extra room and everything!"  
  
"We do?" asked Rory, "...where?"  
  
"Oh...up stairs..." Lorelai mumbled, as she realized, that it was quite strange for them to have an extra room, considering that Lorelai never threw anything away. "Tristan! Good news, you can stay!" Lorelai said, and hugged his one handedly, as she strove to change the pace of the conversation. "Why don't you take your stuff upstairs to the spare room- god, I love saying that- and then we'll go for dinner?"  
  
"Sure, that would be great" Tristan replied, and began to lug his suitcase up.  
  
After he had gone a few steps, Lorelai turned to Rory. "It'll be great having him here, don't you think?"  
  
"Mom, he's not Dad...if anything, it will make this story even more complicated than it should be...I mean, aren't you going to be worried that I'll sneak up at night and ravage him?"  
  
"No, of course not. (a), I trust you and I know you would never ever do anything like that, and (b) I know you couldn't, even if you wanted to, because there isn't an NC-17 option anymore."  
  
[AN: which, by the way, sucks; the whole thing about writing is freedom, and if you're too young to read those, then you wouldn't unless you wanted to...right? okay, I'm done]  
  
"Yeah, I guess you're right..."  
  
"So..." Tristan said, when he walked down the stairs ten minutes later, "any thoughts on dinner?"  
  
"Luke's" replied both the Gilmore's unanimously.  
  
"What is it you guys have with that place?" asked Tristan as he pulled on his coat.  
  
"No cockroaches," replied both the Gilmore's unanimously again.  
  
"Hey, we're getting good at that!" said Lorelai as she pulled her hair into a ponytail and slung her purse over her shoulder.  
  
"Indeed we are," answered Rory.  
  
--------------------  
  
Thanks for sticking with me! See you in Chapter 17.(dun dun dunnn.) 


	17. Tofu, Teasing and Patty

Chapter 17  
  
To the little train that could (and you, obviously)  
  
Woo! I'm on a favorites list! Sweet ass! The made my otherwise crappy day much much much better! Thank you! Okay, enough with the small talk. I love you all. Keep reading!  
  
-authors anonymous  
  
p.s. Jess doesn't actually like that Shane girl. It's just a gimmick. I have a quick question: why is there all that Lorelai + Luke business (which isn't bad!!) when there's Jess and Rory tension? Think about it...if Lorelai and Luke hook up, Jess and Rory would be cousins! Or something like that. My head hurts too much if I think about it. Okay, here's a challenge: someone smart with nothing to do, figure it out. How would Rory and Jess be related if Lorelai and Luke got married? Grand prize: Chapter 18! Good deal? I thought so.  
  
---  
  
As the three were walking to Luke's, Miss Patty intercepted them.  
  
"Lorelai! Lorelai darling!" cooed Miss Patty, from Doose's Market.  
  
"Oh no!" moaned Lorelai as she plastered a fake smile on her face and walked over to her.  
  
"Don't stand to close to her," Rory cautioned to Tristan, who seemed rather unsure what to do.  
  
"Hi Patty! How are you?" asked Lorelai.  
  
"Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine...actually, I was..."Patty stopped when she saw Tristan edging towards her. "My my my, now who is this ravishing fellow? I'm Miss Patty doll," she said, extending her hand. Tristan smiled winningly at her, but Lorelai interrupted his attempt at chivalry.  
  
"Hey, why don't you two go in and get a table. And order for us. Don't want Luke to run out of...ketchup...go!" Lorelai shooed them away, and turned to face Patty again. "So...what's up?"  
  
"Oh..." she seemed rather disappointed, but pulled herself together. "I was just wondering if I could book a conference room at the inn next week."  
  
"Sure, I don't see why that would be a problem..."  
  
As the two talked business, Tristan and Rory had found a table and ordered lunch.  
  
"It's really great that Lorelai let me stay. Thank you for convincing her."  
  
"Oh, it wasn't a problem really. She likes you. And we did have an extra room and all."  
  
"It's still really nice. I don't think my parents have ever done anything that nice for anyone."  
  
"Well, Mom's a really 'nice' person I guess. Crazy, but nice."  
  
"Rory, I need to talk to you about something."  
  
Rory leaned forward and rested her chin in her hands. "I'm all ears!"  
  
"Well...this is rather difficult to say, but..."  
  
"Go on," Rory coaxed.  
  
"I don't really know where we stand right now. I mean, are we friends or more?"  
  
"Hmm...I don't know...I mean, I am just getting over an abusive relationship, and I'm not sure how long it will take to get rid of that..."  
  
"Didn't you break up with Dean in Chapter 1? It's been quite a while, don't you think?"  
  
"Yeah, and it wasn't abusive either...hmmm...I'll get back to you."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
They smiled at each other, and were still smiling when Lorelai walked in and sat down. "So, did you kids order yet?" she asked Rory.  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Should I bother asking what you ordered for me?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Will I like it?"  
  
"Possibly."  
  
"Any guarrentee?"  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"Is it something Luke would eat?"  
  
"I'm not at liberty to say."  
  
"Tristan?" Lorelai pleaded. "I'll be your best friend."  
  
"That scares me just a little bit."  
  
"Good boy!" replied Rory.  
  
"Ro-ry!" whined Lorelai, "tell me!"  
  
"No-oh."  
  
"If you don't tell me right now, I'm going to tell Tristan about-"  
  
"Here ya go," said Luke, putting a plate in front of each of the hungry diners. " One bacon burger, one cheese burger, and one tofu burger. I'll bring the pot later, since I know you'll be needing more coffee every five minutes or so, and I'm busy today."  
  
"Thanks Luke!" said Rory, and held out her cup to be refilled. He sighed and took her cup. "I love that man." mused Rory, and took a bite of her burger.  
  
Lorelai hadn't touched hers further than poking at it.  
  
"What's wrong?" asked Rory innocently.  
  
"Hmmm.I'm trying to determine what substance the burger is made out of."  
  
"What, does it look weird?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Does it smell strange?"  
  
Lorelai sniffed it suspiciously. "No."  
  
"Then what ever is the matter?"  
  
"I heard Luke say tofu. At this table. Kinda strange, wouldn't you say?"  
  
"I have no idea. Do you think there's something wrong with it?"  
  
"I wouldn't put anything past you."  
  
"It's getting cold." Rory reminded Lorelai, trying to keep a straight face. Tristan had given up watching for fear of bursting out laughing, and was munching on a fry.  
  
"I know." Lorelai poked it again.  
  
"Aren't you going to eat it?"  
  
"I will.eventually. Rory, hand me your plate."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I just need to." Lorelai attempted to snatch it from her.  
  
"Uh, no. I'm using it right now. But I'll lend it to you when I'm done."  
  
"Rory, I am your mother, and I'm asking you nicely."  
  
Just then Luke came back with the coffee. "What's wrong with it?"  
  
"What? Oh, nothing!" said Lorelai, trying to remain nonchalant.  
  
"Then why aren't you eating?"  
  
"Well...I'm-"  
  
"Isn't it good enough for you?"  
  
"No, it's perfect! How can you say that! I'm just...excited."  
  
"Huh. Excited."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"About anything in particular?" queried Luke.  
  
"No, just in general."  
  
"Could it be about a certain...date?"  
  
"Are you still on about that?"  
  
"On about what?"  
  
"Me and Kirk. We're not going out. We were never going out. And hopefully, and at least while he still lives with his mother, we are never going to go out. Ever. Now, please, please just tell me, what did you put in my burger?"  
  
"Just the normal fatty animal products that will eventually kill you. Not soon enough for my taste, personally, but I can't have it every way."  
  
"Are you sure? No monge beans, or soy sprouts or any of that healthy crap you're always going on about?"  
  
"You mean tofu."  
  
"Indirectly, yes. Is there any of the aforementioned in this burger?"  
  
"No." Luke turned to go.  
  
"Wait!" Lorelai grabbed his arm. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Yeah. The kid had it."  
  
Lorelai turned to Tristan accusingly. "Tofu?"  
  
"Sadly, yes. I'm a vegetarian."  
  
"Did you know this?" she asked Rory incredulously.  
  
"Yes, I believe I did."  
  
"Oh, evil child. Spawn of the devil."  
  
"I am still your daughter you know."  
  
"Don't believe everything you hear. I actually found you in a field."  
  
"Sure you did."  
  
"That's right. You were abandoned and instead of leaving you to be eaten by the wolves, I...oh whatever." Lorelai picked up her burger and took a huge bite. "Mmm mmm mmm." she mumbled with her full mouth, "mis is mrrhy mastmey."  
  
"So, what's on the agenda today?" asked Tristan.  
  
"Well, we still need to finish the project, but after that we could rent movies or something. Like we haven't done that a thousand times."  
  
"Sounds good."  
  
"Mom, can we trust you to behave yourself if we leave?"  
  
Lorelai didn't reply.  
  
---  
  
Wow, I don't know what that was! I think it should be read in the same style as the banter they usually talk in. Fast and comical. I know that didn't have much to do about anything, but it was time for an update. Pretty good for less than an hour, huh? I'm in the process of writing a whole new story (just a short one) that should be up within the next few days. If you like my writing, you might want to check it out. Anyway, that is all. Please review! 


	18. Marriage, Muffins and Grandma

To my keen reading adolescent (and otherwise) readers: [Rant starts here]  
  
Egad! I dislike rude people. Such as this one:  
  
From: blah OKAY THIS IS THE STUPIDEST STORY I HAVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE! IT IS HORRIBLE YOU HAVE TO GET SOME ACTUAL PLOT! RABID SQUIRRELS?!?! WHAT THE HELL! IT SUCKS DELETE IT!  
  
Thank you for that 'blah', that made my day. Why-oh-why would you read 17 chapters if you despised it so much? Oh, I know! It's because you're an idiot! In the aforementioned 17 chapters, I have had a grand total of four flames. Of these flames, all four were written by people who didn't understand the meaning of satire, and obviously enjoyed those drippy stories about how Tristan would be willing to eat off his own hand for Rory. [Rant stops here]  
  
To the rest of my keen reading adolescent (and otherwise readers):  
  
I love you much. Thank you for telling me how Jess and Rory would be related. It does make me wonder though...it's not really fair that Jess just comes in and gets Rory before Luke makes a move on Lorelai. Because only one pair can succeed legally, really. Oh well, he'd better be quick. Does anyone else get that warm gooey feeling inside when watching Gilmore Girls? I think it might be a medical condition!  
  
I editted Chapter 17 a bit, a found a few mistakes. I think it's better now. I hope so.  
  
That is all. Please review after! It gives me the courage to keep writing! And if it's a flame...well, okay then.  
  
-authors anonymous  
  
----  
  
Lorelai was standing behind the front desk sorting mail when the phone rang. "Independence Inn, Lorelai speaking."  
  
"Lorelai, I've been trying to get hold of you for ages!" said an angry voice on the other side.  
  
[AN: Guess who!]  
  
"Hi Mom, what can I do for you?" asked Lorelai tiredly. She had received many of these calls throughout her life, and none of them brought about any good.  
  
"Can't a mother phone her daughter to talk from time to time?" asked Emily.  
  
"Uh, yeah, if you are a Brady." "Excuse me?"  
  
"Nothing. What would you like to talk about?"  
  
"Your friend Sookie. I'm having a function next month and I need a suitable caterer."  
  
"Don't you have her number? As I remember, you forced if out of her."  
  
"Honestly Lorelai, I did not force anything out of her. I just misplaced it, and rather then up-end my entire household, I thought I could phone you for the number."  
  
"Gee, that's a first. Emily Gilmore misplaces something. Unheard of! Obscene!"  
  
"Really Lorelai, I need you to be serious for one minute."  
  
Lorelai sighed. "Okay Mom. Would you like for me to put her on the phone?"  
  
"Yes, thank you," Emily said compliantly.  
  
"Humph," Lorelai mumbled, and walked into the kitchen with the phone. "Sookie! Phone!" Lorelai bellowed over the din of the lunchtime rush.  
  
Sookie hurried over and wiped her hands on her apron. "Who is it? Is it Jackson?"  
  
"No, it's Satan herself."  
  
"Thanks, I got it," Sookie said and took the phone from Lorelai. "Emily, hi! What can I do for you?"  
  
Lorelai took a cup off the rack and poured herself a cup of coffee and put a few muffins on a plate. "Bye Sook!" she mouthed to Sookie, who was writing down notes on a pad. 'Poor girl' she mused.  
  
---  
  
Back at the Gilmore house, Rory and Tristan were working in the living room. Or rather Tristan was working and Rory was staring at Tristan working. She was so messed up. Did she like him? Did she just want to stay friends? Did the readers want this to be a Trory? So many questions. He looked so cute, sitting there, biting on the end of his pencil like that.  
  
'Stop it!' Rory screamed at herself, and forced her eyes down to her math book. 'This is stupid! He's my friend!' One half told her. 'But he likes me! And I could imagine myself in those arms...' the other persuaded.  
  
"Are you okay Rory?" asked Tristan, who had looked up to see the emotions play on her face.  
  
"What? Yeah! I'm fine. I'm good. Better than good actually. Well, maybe not better than good, but I'm better than fine. I'm goodish. I'm finish? I'm okay. Are you okay? Do you need anything? Or anything?"  
  
"No, I'm good," Tristan said. "Actually, I do need to use a computer. Do you have one?"  
  
"Yeah, in my room. I'll get it." Rory got off the couch and walked into her room. On the way to her desk she caught a glance of herself in her mirror. Even she thought she looked confused.  
  
'I'll talk to Mom when she gets home,' Rory told herself, 'she'll know what to do."  
  
---  
  
"Must you eat those disgusting things in front of me?" Michel asked, looking down his nose at Lorelai.  
  
"They're muffins! How are they disgusting? Firstly, Sookie made them, and secondly, they're muffins! Here, have one. One bite and you'll be hooked!" Lorelai held one out to him.  
  
"I do not eat muffins!"  
  
"You're crazy!"  
  
"You're going to die at fifty, and I am going to watch. And laugh."  
  
"The only way I die at fifty is if I get the lethal injection for going homicidal on you. And if that happens, I doubt you'll be able to watch...unless you become a ghost! That would be super cool! Would you come and watch if you were a ghost? Or would you have flashbacks to me hitting you with a muffin tin, over and over and over while you cowered-"  
  
"Good-bye."  
  
Lorelai smirked. "Works every time..."  
  
---  
  
Lorelai, Rory and Tristan stood in front of the Gilmore's door.  
  
"Do we have to ring it?" whined Lorelai.  
  
"I don't want to either. You did tell her that Tristan was coming tonight, didn't you?" asked Rory.  
  
"Uh, yeah, about that..." Lorelai said, shuffling her feet.  
  
"She doesn't know he's coming? Are you crazy? Dinner is going to be hell!"  
  
"No it won't! Well, it probably will, but not because of this strapping young lad! He'll tell her that he's a DuGrey, and she'll melt! Right Tristan?"  
  
"Most likely. The DuGrey's and the Gilmore's to business together all the time."  
  
"Alright then!" Lorelai said, acting falsely bright. "Ring the doorbell."  
  
"You're closest." Rory pointed out.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Here goes nothing..." The three stood outside for a minute before Emily opened the door.  
  
"Hello girls...oh."  
  
"Hello Mrs. Gilmore. I'm-"  
  
"Lorelai, you didn't tell me that you were bringing anyone."  
  
"It was kind of a last minute thing Mom. This is Tristan."  
  
"Tristan DuGrey," Tristan said, and offered her his hand.  
  
"Oh, that changes matters entirely! Come in, come in!" Emily ushered them in and had a maid take their coats. "Can I offer you anything to drink? Wine, soda?"  
  
"Soda would be good," Rory said, and sat between Lorelai and Tristan.  
  
"Soda for me too," Tristan said.  
  
"Something festive please," Lorelai answered.  
  
"Care you narrow that down for me?" asked Emily.  
  
"How about a martini?"  
  
"You know I can't make those properly. Richard is the only one in the family who makes them cold enough."  
  
"Speaking of Richard, where is he?" asked Rory.  
  
"In his study. Working, as usual. I hope white wine is festive enough for you," she said dryly, handing Lorelai an elegant glass.  
  
"Tristan, tell me, are you attending Chilton again?" asked Emily, seated opposite from the three.  
  
As Emily grilled Tristan, Lorelai's cell phone rang from her purse.  
  
"Lorelai, it's terribly rude to have your phone in while at someone else's house," Emily said, breaking off her interrogation.  
  
"Yeah, I'll just be..." Lorelai motioned with her hands and walked outside. "Hello?" asked Lorelai.  
  
"Lorelai, how are you?" Sookie said on the other end.  
  
"I'm fine, except for the fact that I'm at my mother's. How are you?"  
  
"I'm good, good, that's right, I'm-"  
  
"Sookie."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"If you were good I wouldn't be talking to you right now," Lorelai said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Well maybe I'm not so good."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Oh...I had a fight with Jackson, and it's all my fault, and he won't talk to me, he actually locked himself in the bathroom and now he can't get out, and I can't believe what I did, and I'm a horrible wife, it's horri-" Sookie said, rushing through her words, sounding (as she was) on the verge of tears.  
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on here. You had a fight with who?"  
  
"Jackson," she replied miserably.  
  
"Sweetie, couples have fights. It's nothing new."  
  
"But not me and Jackson. We don't fight."  
  
"What about..."  
  
"No, we don't. I mean, sometimes we have our differences, but-"  
  
"...The 'manly house'..."  
  
"...Fighting? Nope, not for us!"  
  
"...There was a stuffed bear in the corner."  
  
"Lorelai, my marriage is falling apart!"  
  
"Sook, I need you to calm down. Take deep breathes." Lorelai waited until she heard Sookie on the other end. "Okay, now repeat after me: 'Having fights with my husband is normal...'"  
  
"Having fights with my husband is normal..."  
  
"...it's nothing to worry about..."  
  
"...it's nothing to worry about..."  
  
"...now I have to get him to come out of the bathroom..."  
  
"Lorelai?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"About that...I don't think he can get out."  
  
"What?"  
  
"When he stormed off, he slammed the door to the downstairs bathroom. We haven't had a chance to fix the door yet."  
  
"The downstairs one..."  
  
"Can't be closed, or it sticks."  
  
"Got it. Are you okay now?"  
  
"Yeah, I just got a little freak out. Now I've got to get Jackson out."  
  
"Good luck."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Lorelai slipped her phone back in her purse and walked back inside.  
  
"Oh, good, you're back." Emily said, looking up for her conversation with Tristan. "Now we can eat. Come everyone, into the dinning room!"  
  
"What was that?" asked Rory quietly to Lorelai on the way to their seats.  
  
"Marital strife."  
  
"Ahh," Rory replied, knowingly.  
  
--- 


	19. Breakfast, Boredom and Peeping

To the readers who reviewed:  
  
Wow, I got a great turnout this chapter. It's very encouraging to know that so many people read my stories and enjoy them. I finally wrote in the elder Gilmore's! I know that it's irritating when it takes a while between chapters, but I'm swamped with work right now, so please be patient. I'm doing the best I can. I have really good news for Jess fans! Look forward to episode 7! I think I'm done ranting for now, so if you could be so kind as to review, I'd be much obliged. And don't worry; there is an end in sight!  
  
-authors anonymous  
  
p.s. Jess is very pleased. He's rumored to have signed on for three more seasons on GG! That is, if I give him back...  
  
---  
  
"Pssss...Rory!" Lorelai whispered, shaking Rory's shoulders. "Wake up!"  
  
"Uhhh...what time is it?" Rory mumbled, and tried to shrug off her mother's incessant shakes.  
  
"Seven thirty. Wake up!"  
  
"Go away..."Rory mumbled, and tried to turn over.  
  
"Rory, trust me, you want to get up!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"If you come upstairs with me, I promise you'll like what you see!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Come on, get up!" Lorelai whispered again, and pulled off the bed sheets.  
  
"When I wake up I'm going to kill you." Rory said, and rubbed her eyes. "What are you doing awake so early anyway?"  
  
"Never mind that. I've got something to show you."  
  
"Why are you whispering?" Rory asked, as she climbed up the stairs after Lorelai.  
  
"Not to wake up Tristan." Lorelai pulled Rory behind her and motioned for her not to talk. Then she signaled her to follow her.  
  
"Where are we-" Rory started.  
  
"Shh!" Lorelai said, and put her hand over Rory's mouth. "Quiet!" she hissed.  
  
They two Gilmore's crept along the hall, and stopped outside of Tristan's doorway.  
  
"What are we doing here?" Rory mouthed, hands on her hips. Lorelai motioned for Rory to move in front of her and pointed to the door, which Tristan had neglected to close properly. From where the Gilmore's were standing, they had a clear view of Tristan's bed, with a sleeping Tristan on it. With the covers pushed off of him. Wearing only boxers and a smile.  
  
[AN: Don't you wish you were there?]  
  
Rory pushed back violently and dragged her mother down to her bedroom.  
  
"Mom!" Rory exploded, once she had closed her door. "Are you crazy?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You...you...you can't just...you just..."  
  
"Sweetie, calm down. I know he's too young for me. I thought perhaps you would..."  
  
"No! No, perhaps I wouldn't!"  
  
"Rory! Calm down! It's not the end of the world!" Lorelai said, and lay down on Rory's bed.  
  
"I guess you're right," Rory said, and lay next to Lorelai. "Did you open his door?"  
  
"Uh, no. It was open."  
  
"And you just 'happened' to walk past his just 'open'ed door?"  
  
"Uh...yup."  
  
"So-"  
  
"Go to sleep Rory."  
  
"Demanding aren't you?"  
  
"Shh..." Lorelai said, and pulled the covers over the two of them. "Good night."  
  
"Good night..." Rory said, and closed her eyes. A few minutes passed. "Mom...?" Rory whispered.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"What did you think?"  
  
"Hubba hubba," Lorelai said, and smiled.  
  
---  
  
At a much more respectable hour, the Girls work up to the smell of breakfast.  
  
"Mmm-mmm-mmm!" Lorelai said, in her famous southern drawl, "what is that smell?"  
  
"I dunno' mumma, let's go see" Rory responded, and walked into the kitchen, closely followed by Lorelai.  
  
"Well, lookit!" Lorelai exclaimed, still with her accent, "we've got ourselves a varmint!"  
  
"And good afternoon to you to," Tristan said.  
  
"Afternoon? Hardly!" Rory exclaimed, and poured herself a mug of coffee. "I see you're still eating breakfast. Did you go to Luke's?"  
  
"No, I cooked it. There's still some French Toast in the oven keeping warm."  
  
"Al's?" asked Lorelai, inspecting the cupboards for pop-tarts.  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Oh, that's a pity. Al's is the best French toast in Stars Hollow. Probably Hartfort too," Rory said, taking cutlery from the drawers.  
  
"You didn't get it from Pete did you? He thinks he makes it well, but..."Lorelai examined the boxes in her hand. "Blueberry or Chocolate?"  
  
"He doesn't..." Rory finished. "Chocolate please."  
  
"No, actually I made it."  
  
Both Lorelai and Rory stopped their attempts at breakfast immediately.  
  
"You...made French toast?" Lorelai asked, suspicious.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"With what?" asked Rory.  
  
"Uh, bread...eggs..." Tristan said, uncertainly. Both of the Gilmore's were looking at him as if he was...well, crazy.  
  
"Screw the pop-tarts!" both Rory and Lorelai said simultaneously. All of a sudden there was a flurry of movement. Lorelai raced to put the pop-tarts back, put the coffee pot on the table, Rory dashed to get plates and syrup. Tristan was quite amused at how quickly the two had assembled all the necessary items so quickly. Now the two girls were looking at him innocently, plates outstretched. Once he had dispensed his French toast (a la Martha Stewart) he took his own cup of coffee and sat down next to Rory.  
  
"So, what's on the agenda today?"  
  
"Well, it's Sunday, so I guess just homework..." Rory said, between bites for her breakfast.  
  
"Hasn't it been Sunday for a really long time?" Lorelai mused.  
  
"How so?" asked Rory.  
  
"You haven't been to hell in quite a while."  
  
"You're right. But I bet something interesting will happen tomorrow. Tristan?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Where did you learn to cook?"  
  
"I just picked it up."  
  
"Don't you have a cook?" Lorelai asked, eyebrows raised.  
  
"Yeah. But when I was younger I used to hang out with Francine."  
  
"Your cook?"  
  
"Yup. She was like a mother to me."  
  
"Aww!" Lorelai cooed, through a mouthful of coffee. "That's so sweet! Now make more."  
  
"You don't have any more bread," Tristan pointed out. "So unless I go to the market to buy some..."  
  
Both Rory and Lorelai blinked at him.  
  
"Okay, I'll go to the market. Will someone come with me?"  
  
"I will, just let me get dressed," Rory said, and finished her coffee off quickly.  
  
"Ror, take some money out of my purse." Lorelai pointed. "We need basic food items."  
  
"What should I buy?"  
  
"Uh, some milk, more coffee, Snickers, pop-tarts and chocolate ice cream."  
  
"Oh, and jelly beans."  
  
"Right. Can't forget those. For our colour requirement," Lorelai explained to Tristan.  
  
"Ahh, I see."  
  
Lorelai smiled, and opened her newpaper.  
  
---  
  
"Rory! Phone!" Lorelai called out, much later that evening.  
  
"Hello?" Rory said, snuggling down on the couch next to Tristan.  
  
"Hey. Where have you been?" asked Lane, who was undoubtably holed up in her closet.  
  
"Around. What about you?"  
  
"Oh, here, there..."  
  
"That's good. Why aren't you having the Kim weekly sunday dinner?"  
  
"Church finished early, on account of the Reverend having his handball championships."  
  
"You're joking!"  
  
"I wish I was. Anyway, dinner won't be ready for another twenty minutes. So, catch me up."  
  
"Uh, I had French Toast for breakfast, I went grocery shopping, Tristan is living with us, I ate an entire bag of Jerry Jelly Beans..."  
  
"Wait, who?"  
  
"Jerry."  
  
"No, not that. What did you say about Tristan?"  
  
"He's living with us."  
  
"Since when?"  
  
"Since Thursday."  
  
"Wow."  
  
"I know."  
  
"So, has he made a move yet?"  
  
"Eww, Lane. No!" Rory protested.  
  
"Just asking, just asking. So, when do I get to meet him?"  
  
"Uh, how about never?" Rory replied, casting a weary glance at Tristan, who was innocently doing his homework on the couch next to her.  
  
"Oh come on Rory! You're practically married to him!"  
  
"We'll see..."  
  
"Well I think it's high time for a major sleepover."  
  
"What?" asked Rory, confused.  
  
"You'll see...oh, I have to go. Kim dinner commences in three minutes."  
  
"Talk to you soon."  
  
"Yup. Bye!" Lane hung up.  
  
"Who was that?" asked Tristan, looking up from his notebook.  
  
"Oh, Lane. You know, my best friend."  
  
"You should invite her over. Maybe we could rent movies or something."  
  
"Yeah, she'd like that," Rory muttered. "Are you done yet?"  
  
"Nope." Tristan held up his book, showing her how much work he still had.  
  
"Ugh, you work so slowely! I'm bored!" Rory moaned, and flopped down on the couch again.  
  
"Go play with your mom."  
  
"She's at the Inn."  
  
"Go play with Lane."  
  
"She's at the Kim Sunday Dinner."  
  
"Then read a book."  
  
"I'm too restless."  
  
"Watch TV."  
  
"On a Sunday night?"  
  
"Good point."  
  
"Tristan..." Rory whined. "Entertain me."  
  
"Give me half an hour. Then I'll play with you."  
  
"Fine." Rory sat back on the couch and crossed her arms.  
  
"Are you just going to sit there?" asked Tristan, a few minutes later.  
  
"I'm waiting..."  
  
"Alright, do what you want." Tristan turned another page, but he could scarcely concentrate. There was only one thing on his mind, and it wasn't advanced chemistry. It wasn't football. It was Rory. [AN: Surprise, surprise!] She looked to cute, sitting there, pouting. It was all he could do to not jump her. This 'friends' thing was a lot harder than he anticipated.  
  
---  
  
AN: Okay, I'm sorry that was a lot longer than it was supposed to be. And I know there wasn't much satiricle junk in it, but it's an intermediate point in the story. I did my homework (figeratively and literally) and I read tons of stories, trory and otherwise. I found many flaws, just begging for my touch. And if you haven't already, check out 'An Evening of Desire', my other work in progress. That is all. Please review! I live for the reviews! 


	20. Crying, Confrontations and Dancing like ...

Chapter 20 (amazing!)  
  
To my restless readers:  
  
Alliteration is my friend! Thanks for all the reviews, they inspired me. Especially that 'update!!' one...I got the message. You, my lucky readers, are in for a treat. This is an anniversary story! (For lack of a better term) It's going to be amazing and wonderful, and VERY LONG (!!!), and I'm so excited I can barely type. Good news: I'm on the favorites list of three people. You three rock my world! Not to mention all of the reviews! You guys are so great!  
  
All right, when you read this, I need you to remember that none of anything recent has happened. If you've noticed, I tend to include little things from episodes into the story, but there isn't any Jess and Rory pairing or any junk like that. Eventually I will be writing a satire based on Jess and Rory pairing, but that's wayyyyyyy in the future. I'm getting off topic. Sorry.  
  
Don't sue me, don't send me death threats, don't laugh too hard while reading this. Do review (multiple times!), do enjoy, do sit on the edge of your seat in suspense. If you FLAME me, I will hunt you down, put you in a cage, and give you to my family. And yes, that IS a threat.  
  
One more thing: Jess is back. This chapter only. Get it while it's hot!  
  
Now sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.  
  
-authors anonymous  
  
-----------  
  
Rory groggily opened her eyes to the sound of 'chirpy chickens'. If she were a morning person she would have thrown the alarm clock against the wall. Rory was sorely tempted. Unfortunately, at 7:05 that morning, she just didn't possess the arm strength required to pick up a clock and hurl it at the wall. But then again, if she were a morning person she wouldn't have been grouchy in the first place. Lorelai's sense of humor was sickening.  
  
Upstairs, Tristan was waking. Unlike Rory, his alarm was set to the sound of 'perky pigs'. To his right he could hear Lorelai's choice farm animal, the 'gloating goats'. He rolled out of bed lazily, and rubbed his eyes. Then he wondered into the bathroom.  
  
Rory shut the bathroom door, and out of instinct, locked it. She turned on the water, and waited for it to reach a decent temperature before stepping into the shower.  
  
Lorelai yawned and stretched. The large illuminated letters read 7:35. 'Damn!' Lorelai thought to herself, and pulled herself out of bed. She had over slept. Grumpily she left her room and to the bathroom. The door was locked. "Damn!" Lorelai muttered, realizing that Tristan had beaten her.  
  
Tristan stepped out of the shower, and wrapped the fluffy towel around his middle. He opened a drawer and shifted around in it before he found just was he was looking for: gel.  
  
Lorelai crept down the stairs quietly. She strained to hear an animal. 'Yess!' she thought to herself, when she detected some chirping coming from Rory's room. 'Haha! I get the bathroom!' Lorelai was victorious. Until she tried to open the door. It was locked. "Damn!" Lorelai muttered yet again. She heard Rory chuckle inside.  
  
---  
  
Rory was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee when Lorelai came downstairs. She sat down with a thump.  
  
"Did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" queried Rory.  
  
"Rory, I think it's time."  
  
"What?" she asked, confused.  
  
"It's time." Lorelai repeated. Rory didn't respond for a moment. Then realization dawned. "That's right." Lorelai said.  
  
"You mean? Now? Are you-?"  
  
"Yes. Get it out." Lorelai commanded. Rory jumped up and opened the freezer. She took out a large ice cream container and set it on the table. She took a deep breath and pried off the lid.  
  
"Good morning everyone!" Tristan said, and strolled into the kitchen looking quite spick and span in his Chilton uniform.  
  
"Shhh!" both Gilmore's hissed, and turned their attention back towards the container on the table. Tristan sat down in Rory's recently vacated seat and watched with interest. Rory took out a smaller container from the large ice cream container, which she in turn placed on the table.  
  
"What are you-?" Tristan started.  
  
"Quiet!" Lorelai hissed. "Go on!" she urged Rory, her voice low and urgent. Rory nodded. From the smaller container she produced an even smaller container, which produced an even smaller container, which produced an even smaller container. Soon a line of empty containers filled the table, and there was only a small box left.  
  
"Are you sure Mom?" asked Rory again, breathing shakily. "Is it time?"  
  
"Yes." Lorelai watched, entranced, as Rory opened the last box and removed a small clear bag, filled with a dark content.  
  
"What is that?" Tristan whispered.  
  
"That, my friend, is the finest substance known to man." Lorelai told Tristan seriously.  
  
"And it's not illegal." Rory added. "I'm going to put it on...we can stop now if you like."  
  
"No, put it on..."Lorelai said after a pause. "I need it."  
  
"Okay..." Rory held it in cupped hands and turned to the coffee machine. She put a new filter in the machine, poured the mix in, and taking a deep breath, turned it on. It didn't take long for a heavenly smell to fill the room.  
  
No one spoke as Rory took out three cups and poured out the ambrosia. There was just enough for three full cups. [AN: Hey, it's like the story of Chanukah! Hurrah!] Lorelai and Rory locked eyes, and each took a sip from their cups.  
  
It was the chocolate bean coffee Lorelai had invented in chapter 1.  
  
---  
  
"What was up with that?" asked Tristan on the ride to school.  
  
"That was the last of the coffee Mom made one morning. We were saving it for a special occasion or a wallowing fest or something," Rory explained.  
  
"Couldn't she have made some more?" asked Tristan, puzzled.  
  
"No. We tried, trust me. But we couldn't recreate it. So we decided that to be fair, we would keep some for an emergency."  
  
"Well, it was really good. Thank you for sharing it with me." Tristan looked over at Rory. He locked eyes with her. She smiled. "No problem."  
  
---  
  
Tristan was holding Rory's hand when they were called up to do their presentation. [AN: 15 chapters later!] Tristan signaled for the janitor to wheel in their sculpture, and the two walked to the front of the class. They had gotten a high A for their cow essay, and the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary stories hadn't done too badly either. Now all that was left was the interpretive dance, the poetry reading and the sculpture tasting session (where Mr. Medina proceeded to eat sections of literary heroes made of chocolate, marshmallow, and in one case, lima beans.)  
  
Rory patted her bun nervously, and glanced at Tristan who was adjusting his tights and tying up his ballet shoes. [AN: I'd pay money to see that, wouldn't you?] Rory petted her leotard. Truth be told, she was nervous. Tristan smiled at her. Rory felt strangely comforted, and grinned back. To their immediate left, Mr. Medina was gorging himself on the chocolate hero. His face and glasses were covered in chocolate and he was making contented noises.  
  
Headmaster Charleston cleared his throat from the doorway. Mr. Medina looked up, alarmed.  
  
"Shouldn't you be saving some of that for me, Max?" he asked, and wiggled his eyebrows.  
  
"Oh, of course Headmaster! I'm so sorry. Would you like to come in? We are just about to start another presentation." Mr. Medina sat down in a desk and patted a chair beside him.  
  
Charleston smiled at him winningly and flounced in. "I'd be delighted! Thank you!"  
  
Max smiled at Charleston for a minute and then turned back to his students. "All right, Mr. DuGrey, Ms. Gilmore...you may begin."  
  
---  
  
Tristan had danced magnificently. His technique was flawless, his pirouettes unrivalled. His dance told the story of a lost boy, who just wanted to be loved. He aged before the student's eyes. His dancing told tales of a little boy, neglected by his family, who became a rebellious teenager, just for want of some attention. His graceful movements showed how misunderstood he was, how mistreated he had been. All throughout Rory's gentle voice read his poetry, accenting his dancing with her thoughtful cadences. By the time Tristan was done, half of the class was in tears, and Charleston was sobbing into Mr. Medina's shoulder.  
  
"Excellent!" Mr. Medina gasped, blinded by tears. "Excellent!"  
  
It took nearly ten minutes for the class to collect themselves again. If Rory had had to wait any longer to dance she would have lost her nerve. She nearly did, after seeing Tristan's. Watching him rehearse hadn't been nearly as powerful. Rory gulped. Following Tristan's act was going to be difficult.  
  
---  
  
She hadn't opted for ballet as Tristan had. It was a good decision, as it would have been impossible to dance as well as he had. Rather, Rory chosen modern dance. It only took a few impromptu classes from Patty and quite a lot of coffee to make Rory seem like a natural. She waited for the music to start. Soon she was sweating up a storm, and nearly everyone was on the edge of their seats. Rory hopped, jerked, and did obscene body movements to the persuasive beat of her tape (courtesy of Lane, of course) and Tristan did his best to read her couplets with feeling. It was rather difficult, as he was getting rather hot watching her dance so provocatively. Around him, the males were starting to feel the same.  
  
As the last note of music blared, Rory flung back her arms and head, and a collective sigh was heard through out the room. Pieces of hair had come loose, and she was flushed. Then she smiled sweetly and curtseyed. Everyone applauded.  
  
---  
  
"That was amazing!" Rory gushed when she and Tristan were sitting in the cafeteria later that day. "I've never felt so alive!"  
  
"You've never looked so alive either."  
  
"You were really good. You were amazing, actually..."Rory said, and blushed. "I...I'm glad you were my partner."  
  
"Yeah, I'm glad too. And you weren't so bad yourself." Tristan smiled. "I've got a bit of work to catch up on, but I'll see you after school, alright?"  
  
"Sure," Rory said, slightly disappointed. She was only alone for a minute though, when someone else walked up.  
  
"Hey, Rory, that was good. Great even."  
  
"Thanks Paris, yours was good too."  
  
"I never knew you could dance so well. I was very impressed." This was high praise indeed. Paris sat across from Rory and rummaged through her backpack. Rory peered in interested. Paris pulled out a packet. "Want one?" she asked, and held out a Twinkie.  
  
"Uh, sure. Thanks..." Rory took one and bit into it. "So...I'm sorry about your fracture. Are you feeling any better?"  
  
"Well the stitches were removed last night. By next week I should be a- okay!" Paris replied brightly. Rory slid slightly away from her. "So, are you ready for the chemistry quiz?"  
  
---  
  
Rory was leaning against her locker reading a book she had borrowed from Tristan. 'Margin notes!' she thought to herself, and smiled. 'Why was that so familiar?' Rory wondered. Then it hit her like a ton of bricks. 'Jess.' She hadn't thought about him in ages. As far as she knew there hadn't been any word of him. It seemed that the town had forgotten about him. 'Oh Jess...' Rory sighed, 'I hope you're happy.' [AN: Trust me, he is!]  
  
---  
  
Rory was still leaning twenty minutes later. She was about to glance at her watch for the bazillionth time when Tristan walked up.  
  
"Oh Tristan, there you are! I thought you had forgotten or something!"  
  
"No, I would never forget you Rory." Tristan sighed. "Do you think you could take the bus home today?"  
  
"Uh, sure. I guess. Why? What's wrong?"  
  
"It's...my grandfather. He died. I have to go home."  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry..."Rory said, and took the boy's hand. Tristan smiled sadly at her.  
  
"You understand, right?" asked Tristan.  
  
"Of course. Do you think you'll be home tonight?"  
  
"I...I don't think so."  
  
"Oh...okay." Rory blinked several times. "Will you be moving back then?"  
  
"I...I think so."  
  
"Oh. Well...bye..." Rory picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder. Without a backwards glance she walked away. Tristan stared sadly afterwards.  
  
---  
  
On the bus ride home, Rory stared out of the window, not seeing anything. She was too miserable. 'It was inevitable' she told herself, but part of her didn't believe it. 'It's irrational!' she argued with herself, but she couldn't shake the feeling of misery that cloaked her. Rory remembered about everything Tristan had done for her. He had befriended her, stood up for her, saved her from an almost certain death by means of rabid beasts, fought Dean...  
  
Speaking of Dean, there he was. Sitting at her bus stop. Rory gulped.  
  
---  
  
"Uh, hi Dean." Rory said, uncertain what to do. She hadn't seen or spoken to Dean since the fight.  
  
"Rory. No sports car?" Dean stood.  
  
"No. I decided to go the environment friendly route today," Rory said, and attempted to side step him. It didn't work.  
  
"So your prince in shining armor found a new princess, huh?"  
  
"No!" Rory ejected, violently.  
  
"So he's not sticking his tongue down some girls throat? Is that it?"  
  
"I don't have time for this Dean!" Rory said angrily, and turned on her heel. Dean grabbed her.  
  
"Not so fast."  
  
"Let go of me!"  
  
"Not without this!" and with that, Dean pulled Rory up to his chest and smashed his face into hers.  
  
Unfortunately, Tristan had seen the whole thing from his car window. Without blinking, his foot hit the pedal and he sped away.  
  
---  
  
"Mom! Mom!" Rory yelled as she ran inside and dropped her bag to the floor. "Mom!"  
  
"Rory! I'm right here? What's wrong?" Lorelai asked, running into the hall to meet her daughter.  
  
"Mom!" Rory said again, and collapsed into Lorelai's outstretched arms.  
  
"What's wrong?" asked Lorelai again, after Rory had stopped crying. "What is it?"  
  
"It's...it's...Dean...he...he..." Rory broke down in tears again. When she had stopped (somewhat) Rory told Lorelai what had transpired between herself and Dean, and about Tristan's family problems. Rory sniffed. "Now don't you wish we hadn't used that coffee?"  
  
Lorelai didn't respond. She half dragged half carried Rory onto the couch, grabbed her coat and left, slamming the door behind her.  
  
---  
  
"Dean! I want a word with you!" Lorelai yelled, and dragged Dean away from his till in Doose's.  
  
"Lorelai, I-" Dean started.  
  
"No, I'll do the talking, thank you very much!" She had pulled him outside the shop. "You and Rory broke up a long time ago. All the way back in chapter 1, if my memory serves me correctly. No-!" Lorelai cut Dean off. "You and Rory are no more. You haven't been for a long time. You left Dean. You left Rory, you left Star's Hollow, hell! You even left the state! You can't just come back here and demand that Rory come back to you!"  
  
"Lorelai, this-"  
  
She continued as if he hadn't spoken. "You are entirely too violent! Or, in some cases, you just leave Rory, saying stupid things like 'I love you, so I want you too be happy'! You need to pick a side Dean. It's one or the other. Either be homicidal, or don't care! You can't be both! You can't threaten to kill her but say you love her! That's just not how it works, I'm sorry!"  
  
"I never-"  
  
"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking!" Lorelai said fiercely. " Where was I?"  
  
"Me and Rory are broken up, have been, will be, be homicidal..." Dean repeated dully.  
  
"Thank you. Yes! You and Rory ARE broken up! You have no right to kiss her! No right what so ever! You have no right to take advantage of her! And even though she isn't with Tristan, you can't just-"  
  
"So what exactly am I allowed to do?" yelled Dean angrily.  
  
"You can inject obstacles into the plot!" Lorelai yelled back.  
  
"I did!" Dean sneered. "When I kissed her, Tristan was watching. He was there!"  
  
"What?" Lorelai asked, at a loss for words. "How...?"  
  
"I phoned the school and pretended that I was Tristan's father, and told them that Tristan's grandfather had died. Since everyone knows that Tristan is always attached to some family member, I took a chance that this story would be exactly the same! And it was! Tristan ran off home, and Rory was alone! But when Tristan got there he would find that no one died! So he would come back to Rory! I timed it perfectly! He drove up to see me and Rory kissing! So he got angry and left! I won. So ha ha ha!" Dean said evilly. Then he started cackling.  
  
{Think: "Wuaah-ahh-ahhh! Wuaahhh-ahhh-ahhh!" etc.}  
  
Lorelai didn't say anything. She was tempted to slap him in the face, but quite a crowd had gathered, and she didn't want trouble. She decided that the best course of action was too go home and help Rory. It was the least she could do.  
  
---  
  
Lorelai walked briskly back to the 'crap shack'. She was about to go up the front stairs, but she saw some movement in the bushes. She tread softly around them and peered through the foliage.  
  
"Ahem." Lorelai said, smirking.  
  
Jess turned around guiltily.  
  
------------------------------------------  
  
AN: Did you think that was marvelous? Amazing? Incredibly boring? Let me know! Just press the review button and all your troubles go away! 


	21. Nicknames, 'Napping and Dishcloths

To my patient readers:  
  
I am so so so sorry that it's been taking me so long to update. I'm sure everyone is feeling the last weeks of school stress, and I definitely am. Plus I have a haunted leg (hahaha, get it?). Anyway, thank you for all of the wonderful fantastic reviews. They made my day! Here's the part you need to read: this chapter contains a character that serve absolutely no purpose in the story. Much like most characters that authors make up. And they ALL have nicknames. Ahh, the irony. So without further ado...Chapter 21...  
  
-authors anonymous  
  
p.s. Miss Jess? You'll be seeing more of him by line 13!  
  
---  
  
Rory was sitting on her bed, flipping pages of her magazine without so much as a glance. She was running on autopilot, her head far away. Well, not that far away. In Hartford. Where the love of her life was currently residing.  
  
'What? Love of my life?' questioned Rory silently.  
  
It's an expression. What do you want me to call him, your conflict provider?  
  
'No, I guess that would be stupid...' thought Rory. 'Keep going.'  
  
Why thank you! Anyway, like I was saying, she was flipping pages, yadda yadda yadda, her head was in Hartford with Tristan.  
  
'Couldn't you have just said that the first time?' Rory demanded.  
  
Look, do you want me to write this chapter or not?  
  
'Fine, fine..." she grumbled, and sank a bit farther down into her cushions. 'Some people...'  
  
---  
  
Outside, Lorelai was smirking deviously. Everyone's favorite rebel, Jess, was looking rather uncomfortable.  
  
"Hey there Jess. What 'ya doin'?" asked Lorelai, grinning.  
  
"Nothing Lorelai. Nothing at all" Jess replied nonchalantly.  
  
"Just decided to take a nature walk?"  
  
"Uh, yeah."  
  
"Or did you loose something?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Like your way?"  
  
"Exactly." Jess said, running his hand through his hair. "But you found me, so I'll just be going-"  
  
"-nowhere!" Lorelai finished for him. "Come on, let's sit on the stoop. We need to catch up." Taking his sleeve, Lorelai tugged Jess behind her and pulled him onto the stoop next to her. "So Jess..." she began, her eyes shinning brightly, "what's been up with you lately?"  
  
"Look, Lorelai, let's cut though this crap. What do you want from me?" demanded Jess, not bothering to keep his voice low.  
  
"For starters, I'd like to know what you were doing in my bushes."  
  
"How 'bout you tell me Lorelai? It's pretty obvious."  
  
"I'm giving you a chance to defend yourself," Lorelai responded, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Jess. Look at me." Obediently Jess turned his head. "Why are you here?"  
  
"Rory. And since we're having a heart-to-heart, I think it would be more personal if you would call me 'Jes' rather than Jess."  
  
Lorelai nodded wisely. "You don't belong here Jes. Go back to New York. Your time will come soon enough."  
  
Jes(s) paused. "Do you really think so?"  
  
"Yes..." Lorelai said, patting his knee. "Without a doubt."  
  
---  
  
Rory wiped her eyes on the back of her hand when she heard the front door open.  
  
"Rory? Where are you?" called Lorelai.  
  
"In here."  
  
"There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" Lorelai said, sitting on the edge of Rory's bed. "Good news. Tristan's grandfather didn't die!"  
  
Rory sniffed. "How do you know? And how is that good news? Aside from the obvious, of course..."  
  
"Well, Tristan can still live with us, for one thing."  
  
"Something tells me that that isn't an option Mom."  
  
"Rory, the eternal pessimist. Come on. Let's go to Luke's. Up! Up!" Lorelai cried, pulling Rory up from her bed. "Quick! Let's go!"  
  
"Mom...!" Rory groaned, swinging her legs over the side angrily. "It's not even a meal time!"  
  
"It's always a meal time at Luke's! Now up!"  
  
---  
  
Once Lorelai and Rory had made considerable progress in leaving the house, Lorelai told Rory about her confrontation with Dean, and how she knew about Tristan's lack of death in the family. She hadn't, however, mentioned her confrontation with Jess, or that Tristan had seen her and Dean kissing. But that was about to change (dun dun dun!)...  
  
"Do you want to share a plate of chili fries?" asked Lorelai, sitting down at the table in the corner with Rory.  
  
"Yeah. And coffee."  
  
"And donuts." Lorelai added.  
  
"And a side of bacon."  
  
"And a ceasar salad."  
  
"What?" asked Rory, confused.  
  
"No, just joking. I'll be right back." Lorelai walked up to the counter, which Luke was wiping down with a pink rag.  
  
"Hey, Ms. Ringwald! What's with the doll?"  
  
"What?" asked Luke, looking up.  
  
"The pink..."  
  
"Oh, that. I dunno." Luke shrugged.  
  
"What, so all of your rags just mysteriously turned pink overnight?" asked Lorelai, narrowing her eyes.  
  
"Yup. What can I get you?"  
  
"Luke, that's impossible. What were you trying to do, dye your hair?"  
  
"Coffee, is that what you want? Here, take the pot," Luke said, thrusting it at her, along with two mugs. "What else do you want, donuts?"  
  
"And fries and bacon."  
  
"Good. Now go and sit down, and someone will bring your heart disease to you on a plate."  
  
Lorelai was about to turn around, but stopped. "Someone?"  
  
"Uh, yeah." Luke said, handing her a plate with two donuts. "There you go."  
  
"Luke, did you hire some help?" Lorelai asked, aghast.  
  
"Well, with Jess gone and Caesar getting married..."  
  
"What? Who is it? Is it Kirk?"  
  
Luke snorted. "Do you think I'd let Kirk near my stove?"  
  
"Good point. Who is it?"  
  
"The sooner you sit down, the sooner you'll find out" Luke monotoned. "There. Your offspring is waiting for you."  
  
"Fine, fine..." Lorelai took the coffee and donuts to the table. "I come bearing gifts, oh child of my loins."  
  
"Do you not want me to eat my donut?" asked Rory, wrinkling her nose.  
  
"Guess what!" Lorelai said, ignoring Rory. "Luke hired help."  
  
"What? Who?"  
  
"I dunno, he wouldn't say!" Lorelai said as she poured herself a cup of coffee and chose a donut from the plate. As Rory and Lorelai munched on their donuts and deliberated who it could be, a willowy blond girl with highlights around her face carrying a plate of fries and a side of bacon emerged from the back.  
  
"Hi!" she said brightly. "Here's the fries and bacon you ordered!"  
  
Lorelai and Rory exchanged side-glances.  
  
"Oh, by the way, my name's Gabrielle! But you can call me Gab, Gabby or Gabs."  
  
"Uh, thanks Gabs. Are you new around here?" asked Lorelai, slightly perturbed by this new inhabitant of Stars Hollow.  
  
"Yeah. I just moved here this morning!"  
  
"Oh really? Where?" asked Rory, her interest piqued. She was starting to like this Gabrielle character already.  
  
"Oh, I don't know the address yet," Gabs paused to giggle, "but I do know that I moved in next to the Gilmore's. Do you know them?"  
  
"We are the Gilmore's!" Rory said, smiling up at Gab.  
  
"Wow! Neato!" Gabby said, and extended her hand to Rory. "You must be Rory. And you must be Lorelai!"  
  
"Spoken to Patty, have you?" asked Lorelai, not surprised.  
  
"Yes, actually I did. She's great, isn't she? Anyway, I have to get back to work, so, I'll see you at school Rory?"  
  
"Actually, I go to Chilton in Hartford."  
  
"Oh yeah? Me too! That's so great! Do you happen to know Louise? She's my cousin."  
  
"Wow. No wonder you look so familiar."  
  
"Yeah! Well, I have to go now, but I'll see you around, okay?"  
  
"Bye!" Rory called to her retreating back. "Wow, she was.... Mom?"  
  
"She was...perky..."  
  
"Oh come on, Gabs wasn't that bad!"  
  
"Rory!" Lorelai said sharply, "what's gotten into you? Since when do you call people you don't even know Gabs?"  
  
Rory shook her head, trying to clear it. "I...I don't know. I don't know what got into me! That was really...strange..."  
  
"I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. Things like this happen in most badly written stories, and some good ones too!"  
  
"I know, but that was so...so...creepy!" Rory said, taking a French fry from the plate. "Do you think I'll see her at Chilton?"  
  
"I doubt it."  
  
"I hope you're right..."  
  
---  
  
Lorelai was watching TV that night when she suddenly remembered that she hadn't told Rory that Tristan had seen Dean kissing her. Lorelai switched off the television and knocked lightly on Rory's door before opening it.  
  
"Rory? I have something to tell...Rory?" Lorelai looked around the room. "Rory?" That's when she saw the open windows and the billowing white curtains. It didn't take more than a moment for Lorelai to realize that her only child had been kidnapped.  
  
--- 


	22. Hysterics, Harvard and Understanding

Chapter 22 commences here:  
  
readers: I have no idea what's gotten into me. Jeez, talk about unexpected. Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed the string of kidnapping stories recently? [Authors of said stories: No offence indented, I promise!] They're everywhere! But that doesn't matter. What really matters is that:  
  
Chapter 22 *really* commences 8 lines down.  
  
So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!  
  
-authors anonymous  
  
p.s. Everyone give a round of applause to Jess! {Insert applause here} "Thank you, thank you very much!" Jess said, and gave a small bow while winking at the lady in the first row.  
  
p.p.s. I don't know about other authors, but I usually just sit down and type. But no more! This chapter actually had 'planning' {ooh, ahh...} and took me most of the night to plot. So, please give credit where credit is deserved. (ie: Me). So, without further ado...  
  
Ladies and Gents: Chapter 22 starts NOW:  
  
---  
  
"Luke!" Lorelai cried, flinger herself at the flannel clad man standing in the doorway. "Luke!"  
  
"You already said that," Luke said dryly as he unwrapped Lorelai from his legs. "Come on, up you get..." he muttered as he not-so-gently scooped Lorelai into his arms and plonked her on Rory's bed. "What is it Lorelai?"  
  
"Oh Luke," Lorelai said, clutching at his shirt.  
  
"Lorelai," Luke said sternly, "you call me, out of nowhere, at nine o'clock in the evening, won't tell me what's wrong, make me leave my diner, in the middle of my before-bedtime-snack rush, with, may I add, the likes of Jess, who has probably burnt it down by now, you tell me to come over right away, and now that I'm here, all that you can think to say is-"  
  
"Rory's gone!" Lorelai said blankly, and let her hands fall to her lap.  
  
"What?" Luke exploded, nearly jumping off the bed in a rage. "Where?"  
  
"Um, I'm not sure..." Lorelai said after a minute of silence. "She didn't tell me. But I suppose that she didn't have time to, right?"  
  
"What? You're not making any sense Lorelai!"  
  
"Do I ever?" Lorelai pointed out.  
  
"True." Luke took a deep breath. "Why wouldn't Rory have had any time?"  
  
"Oh, well, she was kidnapped, right?"  
  
"What?" yelled Luke, really jumping up this time. "When?"  
  
"About twenty minutes ago..." Lorelai replied sedately.  
  
"Did you phone the police?" Luke demanded.  
  
"Uh, no, I phoned you." She restrained herself from adding her usual 'duh!' at the end.  
  
"Jesus, Lorelai!" Luke grabbed the phone out of Lorelai's hands. "Wait a second. Why aren't you hysterical?" he asked suspiciously.  
  
"Ugh, it's SO overdone."  
  
"But necessary."  
  
"You think?"  
  
"Yeah, probably. But hey, what do I know? I'm just the diner guy."  
  
"Okay. Should we start again?" asked Lorelai.  
  
"No, that'll take too long. We could start from here, if you want to."  
  
"Yeah," Lorelai smiled at Luke. "Just give me a minute." Luke watched as Lorelai did several breathing exercises and rolled her shoulders a few times. "Okay, ready!"  
  
"Jesus, Lorelai!" Luke grabbed the phone out of Lorelai's hands and started dialing. "What were you thinking?"  
  
"I wasn't!" Lorelai cried hysterically, wringing her hands together in a most unLorelai-ish motion. "Oh god, my baby's gone!" Then she promptly broke down in tears.  
  
---  
  
"Don't say anything," a deep voice whispered into Rory's ear as a hand covered her oh-so-kissable mouth. "Don't make a sound, okay?"  
  
"Mmmhmm," Rory mumbled.  
  
"Good. Come on. No sudden movements!" the captor said as he propelled her backwards out of her bedroom window. Rory couldn't fight back, she was much too terrified, weak kneed, petrified, frightened, fearful, nervous, anxious, and worried. In other words, she was scared. Really scared. Keep that in mind, as that's how Rory was feeling.  
  
"Come on!" the man hissed, irritated at Rory's lack of co-operation. Really, there is no pleasing some people. As he hoisted Rory over his shoulder, she realized the danger she was in, and started flailing her arms and legs. No screaming though. She didn't want to be squeezed to death! The abductor ignored her feeble movements and dropped her in the back of an unmarked, black truck, threw a blanket on top of her, and drove away into the night.  
  
-  
  
Rory must have fainted, because the next thing she knew, the sun was streaming over her. Rory struggled to sit up and rubbed her eyes. The landscape was going past very quickly. Looking around, Rory realized that she had no idea where she was. Rory groaned.  
  
"Uh, excuse me!" Rory yelled, tapping on the back window. The driver turned around and looked at her.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Um, I need a bathroom. And some coffee. Please."  
  
He grumbled. "Next gas station is five miles. Can you wait?"  
  
"Yeah, I can wait..." Rory replied, turned around and hugged her knees to her chest. "I can wait."  
  
-  
  
"All right," Rory's captor murmured in her ear, "here's the gas station. You've got two minutes, I'm timing. And yes, that is a gun in my pocket. Go." Giving her a shove, Rory ran into the dirty building.  
  
Inside the small bathroom, Rory stared at the toilet in revulsion. It was utterly the single most disgusting thing she had ever seen in her entire existence. In all of Stars Hollow, she had never encountered such a horrible sight. Taylor wouldn't have allowed it. Taking a deep breath, Rory closed her eyes.  
  
Rory let the cool, only slightly brown water run over her hands. "Ugh!" Rory groaned, "No soap! Great!" She turned to wipe her hands, but to her dismay, there were no paper towels. "Perfect!" Rory wiped her hands on her skirt, pushed her hair behind her ears and thought, short and hard.  
  
"Could I get away? Perhaps. Could I get home if I did get away? Doubtful. Okay Rory, think!" Rory said, starting to get anxious. "I can do this. I don't have any money, any idea where I am or any house-keys. Maybe I can't do this. I can't phone my Mother because if I go back into the gas station he'll see me. I could get someone to create a distraction...no, that wouldn't work." Rory looked around herself in dismay. "I could find a call box, but I don't have any money...wait a minute!" Rory exclaimed, pulling a slightly creased dollar bill out of her bra. "Thank goodness for Mom! Wait a second! Phone booth's don't accept dollar bills!" Rory could have hit herself. "And I can't go to get change because then he would see me! Well that settles it! I'll have to go back to him and just escape at a more convenient time. I'm feeling kind of dumb, so I might need to be rescued. Oh well...." Rory unlocked the bathroom door and strolled back to the truck. "Okie dokie!" she said, climbing into the front seat this time.  
  
Her kidnapper barely spared her a glance. "Good. Here's some food. Uh, brunch I guess," he said, and handed her a take-out cup of slightly cold coffee and a bag of assorted sugary foods.  
  
-  
  
"So, where are we going?" asked Rory, several hours later.  
  
The driver replied stiffly, "I can't really tell you that."  
  
"Oh, okay," Rory replied, falling silent again. The hours passed slowly as Rory stared out the window at the passing scenery, which changed from grassy fields to leafy forests to barren wastelands all in less than an hour. As the scenery changed, so did Rory's moods. Some moments were of casual observance, others of arresting fear. She thought of her Mother and how worried she would be. Hysterical with fear, obviously. She moved onto Luke and the diner, then Jess and all of his pranks. As she fondly thought about each and every inhabitant of her home (including Babbette's gnomes), Rory realized that she wasn't in Stars Hollow anymore. Rory realized that she was in grave danger.  
  
-  
  
Night had fallen when the truck pulled up to a seemingly abandoned shack in the middle of nowhere.  
  
"Get out."  
  
"What?" cried Rory. "You're going to leave me here? Abandon me in the middle of no where?" The man didn't answer, but got out of the car and walked around to the passenger door. Taking Rory's wrist roughly, he pulled her out and herded her into the house.  
  
Inside stood a polished wood desk with an expensive blotter and an assortment of writing utensils. Behind the desk was a huge leather covered chair facing away from the door. Everything was bathed in the bright light of the one lamp standing to the right of the desk.  
  
"That will be find, thank you," a voice said from the chair. Rory gasped loudly. The man who had kidnapped Rory nodded briskly at her and left, pulling the door closed behind him. It shut with a resonant click.  
  
"Sit down," the voice commanded. Rory looked across the room and saw an uncomfortable wooden chair was sitting just beyond the pool of light. Hesitantly she walked across the room, her saddle shoes sounding like sand crabs across the floor. She sat down. The chair turned around slowly. "Rory," the chair said, "how nice of you to come."  
  
"Grandma!" Rory exclaimed.  
  
-  
  
"Yes Rory."  
  
"But why?" Rory asked, shocked beyond belief.  
  
"So, how is school going? Can I get you a soda? Some Perrier?" Emily asked, getting up from her extremely comfortable leather chair as any good hostess would do. Rory, however, wouldn't have any of it.  
  
"Why?" she demanded, refusing to be side tracked.  
  
Emily sighed and returned to her chair. "Stubborn, like your mother..." Rory glowered, but said nothing. "It's for your own good Rory. You need to realize that."  
  
"What?" Rory burst out, "For my own good? Kidnapping me is for my own good?"  
  
"Rory, don't you see?" Emily asked, the lamp casting half her face in shadow. "I can't have you turn into your Mother. It simply cannot happen."  
  
"I am NOT my Mother!" Rory said furiously, not quite understanding the situation. "And even if I was-"  
  
Emily shook her head sadly. "Rory, look at yourself...all the men, the spotlight...you are only one half of the Gilmore Girls."  
  
"What are you going to do with me?" asked Rory, trying to keep the quiver out of her voice. Emily could be pretty damn scary when she tried.  
  
"Rory, you must realize that Harvard is out of the question."  
  
"So this is about Harvard?"  
  
Emily ignored Rory's outburst. "You are going to Yale," she said, smiling grimly, "the producers have spoken." Emily looked almost lethal in her blood red coat and nails. "They decided that you would go to Yale..." She spoke to herself now, only vaguely aware that Rory sat in front of her. "Because it's closer? Maybe. To carry on the Gilmore Tradition that your Mother broke?" she spat, "certainly not. It was to create more tension between Lorelai and myself. To drive another wedge between us. But no more!" Emily declared, striking one perfectly manicured hand on the table. "Changes are a foot Rory. Big changes!"  
  
Rory swallowed. "Changes?"  
  
"Oh yes. You'll go to Yale all right..." Emily paused for dramatic effect. "Even if you have to stay here to do it!"  
  
Rory gasped. It was all so clear! "You wouldn't!"  
  
"With the glory of the internet, you can take all of your classes with a modem connection!"  
  
"You can't!"  
  
"You'll stay here for the next five seasons," Emily cackled, "and I will be the new Gilmore Girl! [insert maniacal laughter here]"  
  
"You won't food anyone!" Rory cried, enraged.  
  
"Why not? I'm witty, charming, rich...Lorelai and I, we're mother and daughter..." Emily looked directly at Rory for the first time. "And there is nothing you can do about it."  
  
-  
  
Rory sat huddled in a corner of the room. Emily was writing in her day planner. Scratch. Scratch. Scratch. Rory didn't know what to do, how to escape. When Emily planned something, she planned it right. 'So, that's her ambition...to become a Gilmore Girl!" Rory pulled her knees closer to her chest. For the first time in her entire life, Rory was at a loss of what to do.  
  
---  
  
Tristan sighed when he hit the bare highway. Nothing soothed him like a long, fast drive. Scanning the road ahead, he floored it, and zoomed off into the distance.  
  
-  
  
"Shit!" he yelled, furiously kicking the tire of his car. "Shit! Shit! Shit!" Tristan punched the window, and it broke under the impact of his fist. "Glass can do that," he reflected aloud, before beginning a long dialogue consistent of rude four letter words that most certainly can't be classified as PG-13.  
  
Tristan reflected on his life. First Rory's betrayal, then a stupid flat tire or broken engine, or whatever the hell was wrong with his expensive car this time. "Does the entire universe hate me?" he cried into the sky. The only answer was a hard drop of rain on the hot asphalt, followed by another and another. In a matter of minutes Tristan was soaked to the skin. With one last look at his car, Tristan trudged along the road, away from the car, but not his problems.  
  
---  
  
Rory listened to the rain pelting on the ceiling. Emily was still scratching away, but more irregularly now. Knock knock knock. It took her a minute to realize the pounding was on the door, not in her head. "Uh, Grandma, should I-"  
  
"No. Whoever it is will go away."  
  
Rory stared at the door, willing it to open. After a few more knocks, the noise stopped. Rory sighed inwardly. Then a face pressed against the window.  
  
Rory had just enough sense let not to scream when a very wet face look in on her. With a start Rory realized that it was Tristan. She could have cried with joy when she saw him, and sadness when he turned and walked away. Rory could stand it any more. She had to make things right. She stood up shakily, ran to the door and didn't stop when Emily told her too. After a minute of fumbling with the lock, she wrenched the door open and ran outside, into the storm.  
  
---  
  
"Tristan!" Rory screamed, her voice raw and hoarse.  
  
Tristan hunched his shoulders and increased his pace.  
  
"Tristan, wait!" Rory cried, her breath coming in short gasps. "Tristan!"  
  
He spun around. "What?"  
  
Rory was taken aback. "Tristan, what's wrong?"  
  
"You know what Mary?" Tristan spat at her, "If you don't know, you haven't read enough Fan Fiction!"  
  
Rory looked into his stormy blue eyes and she finally understood. Tristan looked down into her shining blue eyes and understood that she understood, but she still needed to understand that she needed some time to fully understand the choices she had to make. Rory understood that Tristan understood that she had understood but still needed to understand her not- very-unusual situation. Rory also understood that Tristan was hurt, and in order to understand how he was feeling she would have to understand him when he spoke to her, and occasionally she had to understand that she needed to return his calls. Furthermore, Rory understood that she needed to understand, and soon.  
  
[AN: If you don't understand, read the next sentence]  
  
Rory had to choose.  
  
Tristan took Rory's hand a together they walked to his car, which had magically been repaired (road side assistance at it's finest, folks!) by the magic car repairing fairies that live in stories such as these. Together they drove off, back to Stars Hollow, without saying as much as a word.  
  
---  
  
Rory and Lorelai were standing in front of a very large, angry crown of townspeople. Their precious Rory had been taken, and they demanded justice. Somewhere in the back, Taylor was muttering about public executions and their effectiveness.  
  
Dean walked over to Rory and Lorelai. "Hey," the tell man said.  
  
"Dean!" Lorelai said, smiling falsely. "Kidnapped anyone lately?'  
  
"Look, Lorelai, like I just explained to the police, I wasn't in town because Taylor sent me to get some imported brussel sprouts from New York."  
  
"Right. Can anyone prove that?"  
  
"Mom!" Rory exploded, exasperated. "Dean didn't kidnap me! How many times do I have to tell you?"  
  
Lorelai pouted. "Do you blame me for jumping to conclusions? It's usually him who does it!"  
  
"You also blamed Jess," Rory pointed out.  
  
"Hey, Jess does too sometimes!"  
  
"Yeah, but I usually go with him out of my own free will!"  
  
"Fine, fine..." Lorelai muttered.  
  
"So, Dean, are you leaving town?"  
  
He nodded. "Uh, yeah, I think that would be best, for the next few chapters at least." Dean smiled at Rory, nodded at Lorelai and walked away. Rory took her Mothers hand and Lorelai smiled down at her favorite daughter.  
  
"After this is over, what do you say to some Luke's coffee?" Lorelai whispered.  
  
"You know it!" Rory said, hugging her mother tightly.  
  
"Ooh, look!" Lorelai said, pointing at the police car in the road.  
  
"How?" Emily demanded, as the NYPD [blue] handcuffed her. "How could you have possibly found out? I demand an explanation!"  
  
Lorelai nudged Rory, "You know what this means, don't you? No more dinn-"  
  
"Lorelai!" Emily called, as she was being seated in the back of the police van, "I except to see you on Friday! No excuses!" Rory rolled her eyes at her mother.  
  
"Do YOU have an explanation for this?" demanded Emily of Kirk, who was already cuffed in the back seat. Kirk shrugged. "I'm ticklish."  
  
---  
  
Authors Note: It's finished! I'm so proud! I think I can safely say that that was the most original kidnapping duo around. Kirk and Emily. Oh, what is the world coming too? Well, I hope you enjoyed reading that as much as I enjoyed writing it. That was all written down and then typed, so it was quite a bit of work, so I hope the end result was worth it. And it's really long, for those of you who demand it. That said, my fingers are about to fall off, so I don't think you can expect another chapter for about two weeks. I really need a break. Incidently, I just found out that I was nominated from some Gilmore Girl Fan Fiction award, which I didn't even know existed. So whoever did that, thank you very very very much. You guys are great. This is actually the first fic I've ever written, so I'm quite proud. *gives self pat on the back*. Please review, because every review is one less day you have to wait for chapter 23! -aa 


	23. Closets, Closeness and The Vanishing Pan...

Darling Readers  
  
I know, I know, that was a reeeeeeeeeally long two weeks. So sue me. No, on second thought, don't. I've been very busy (planning and plotting) and have come up with a tentative story line for the next satire. Yes, there will be another! *Waits patiently for the cheers to subside* But I won't ruin the surprise by telling you anything. Anyway, that's on the way, among other short things that are running around in my head. I think that I'm done for now, but I know that many of you mockers will appreciate this chapter, appropriately titled 'Closets, Closeness and The Vanishing Pants'.  
  
-authors anonymous  
  
p.s. Jess has a VERY disturbing message. It's so disturbing that he has asked me to tell you, as he is currently sobbing in his dressing room. Okay, so I'm pretty sure that my source is accurate (the aforementioned hoodlum) and there is going to be a Jess spin off. That's right. Next season, Jess will be leaving Gilmore Girls, and getting his own show. Or something like that. It was pretty hard prying it out of a hysterical Jess. I'll keep you posted as his condition improves.  
  
---  
  
Rory wandered aimlessly through the Inn. It was a weekend, as it usually was in FanFic land, and Rory had been wandering aimlessly for the entire morning. This was rather surprising actually, considering that she had so much homework it wasn't even funny. Not funny at all. I swear. Not even a bit.  
  
But was Rory at home, reading an enormously thick book like the good girl she (usually) was portrayed as? No. Was she on the phone with Lane, endlessly giggling over Dave and Jess/Dean/Tristan? No. Was she arguing about Hemmingway with Jess? No. Was she begging Luke for coffee? No. Was she cleaning the living room? No. Was she eating a bag of M&M's and contemplating the meaning of life? No. Was she thinking about Tristan? No. Was she thinking about Physics? No. Was she dreaming about running her hands over [insert object of desire here]'s oh-so-rock-hard abs? No. Was she...well, you get the point. You know what, just pretend that this paragraph never happened, and keep reading.  
  
Rory wandered aimlessly through the Inn. "Mom!" Rory whined, startling a couple that was checking in. Rory pouted, and looked around. "Mom?"  
  
As Rory looked from side to side, she noticed a slightly ajar door. "Hmmm..." Rory said aloud, and walked towards it. "I wonder if Mom's in hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-" Rory screamed ("AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH")  
  
[AN: For those of you who can't imagine Rory screaming without it being typed out extensively...]  
  
as she was sucked into...A CLOSET! (dun dun dun)  
  
---  
  
Rory felt the yell of indignation die from her throat, as she was flung down mercilessly onto the floor. Rory whimpered. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, Rory realized something she should have realized something a long time ago. And no, unfortunately it wasn't that Tristan had left the show a season and a half ago. This is what she realized: She, Rory Gilmore, was LOCKED IN A CLOSET! (dun dun dun)  
  
---  
  
"What to do, what to do?" thought Rory, as she balled her fists angrily. "Why do this things ALWAYS happen to ME? Why?" Rory scanned the closet, and sighed with relief when she saw the dangling light chain. Rory pulled it savagely, and the light bulb hummed menacingly, but turned on.  
  
"I could scream..." Rory said thoughtfully, "...nah, too easy. Oh, I could use that handy dandy Morse code that I learned in girl scouts, even though I would have never ever gone to girl scouts, so I don't know what THAT writer was thinking..." Rory pondered. "I guess I could try opening the door, that might work...oh, but what if I hurt my wrist? Oh, what's the use? I guess I'll just have to be portrayed (again) as a simpering useless waste of oxygen. Oh well." Rory paced the small confines, up-down-up-down- up-down-up-down. She twiddled her thumbs. She sighed loudly. She paced. She twiddled. She sighed. She paced. She twiddled. She sighed. "This sucks!" Rory ejaculated angrily, and pouted at nothing at particular.  
  
Just then, the door burst open and Rune flung himself in, slamming the door behind him.  
  
---  
  
"Ahh!" Rory shrieked, and covered her eyes hastily. "Do you mind?"  
  
"No, not at all," Rune panted.  
  
"Rune...?" Rory asked after a few moments of listening to the short man gasp for air.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"  
  
"They disappeared!" Rune replied angrily, as he started a series of stretches.  
  
"Stop that!" Rory demanded, still shielding her eyes.  
  
"Stop what?"  
  
"Stretching!"  
  
"Your eyes are closed."  
  
"I can hear you!"  
  
"Look, when a man runs, he needs to stretch. Otherwise my calves will tense up and-"  
  
"Just...leave! Please?" Rory tacked on hastily. She didn't want to forget her manners.  
  
"Look, Lorelai Jr., do you think that I would take the trouble of running all the way over here if I intended to leave?" Rune mumbled something about Lorelai, and was much too unpleasant to bother recording here. "I can't anyway."  
  
"Why not?" demanded Rory, forgetting that the reason she was in the closet was that she was locked in.  
  
"Have you seen what I'm wearing?"  
  
"For a few unpleasant moments, yes."  
  
"Do you blame me?"  
  
"Rune, what happened to your pants?" Rory asked.  
  
"They disappeared."  
  
"Did someone take them?"  
  
"No! They just disappeared. One minute I'm wearing them, and then the next minute, 'hello!'"  
  
"Could you find another closet at least? I found this one first."  
  
"No you didn't."  
  
"Yes I did."  
  
"No you didn't."  
  
"Yes I did."  
  
"No you didn't."  
  
"This isn't getting us anywhere. And yes, I did."  
  
"Lousy boss's daughter. Thinks she owns the place..." Rune muttered, none too quietly.  
  
"Rune, this isn't appropriate. I NEED you to wear some pants."  
  
"Just wait till Chapter 25..." Rune replied, still muttering.  
  
"Rune!" Rory yelled.  
  
"Fine, fine. Hold your horses." Rune finished a few more stretches and pulled down a pair of pants from the top shelf. ("Just in case of emergencies like this," he later explained to Rory.)  
  
Rory opened her eyes warily and sat down, with Rune in the opposite corner.  
  
"So..."  
  
---  
  
Tristan (the savior of the week) was lying on his bed, daydreaming of his one true love, Rory Gilmore.  
  
[AN: Naked or not is up to you...]  
  
Rory Gilmore. The Magnificent Rory Gilmore. Tristan sighed, and daydreamed a bit more about his betrothed.  
  
-The next twelve hundred and sixty four pages have been omitted due to content, length, and boring the hell out of the readers who even remember what Tristan looks like. So there. -  
  
Ahh...his own Lorelai Leigh Gilmore. Tristan started to sigh for the umpteenth time, but bolted upright. "What the hell?" Tristan said, "since when has Rory ever been Lorelai Leigh?" Tristan pulled on a sweater and run his fingers though his hair (to make sure that it was properly mussed up, duh!) before grabbing his keys and swearing to find the real truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  
  
---  
  
"Stop staring at me!" Rory demanded, irrationally, considering the size of the closet and what she looked like when she was mad. Or sad. Or tired. Or anything. She was pretty damn cute.  
  
"What else do you want me to stare at?" Rune said, stating my previous point exactly.  
  
"Anything. Just...not at me."  
  
"How long have you been here?" asked Rune a minute later.  
  
Rory looked at her watch. "Forty-nine minutes."  
  
"No, not here stupid. In Stars Hollow."  
  
"Uh, my whole life."  
  
"How long is that?"  
  
Rory wrinkled her brow. "I'm not sure. Most likely I'm 18, but then some writers seem convinced that I'm 17. And when Dean breaks up with me and accuses me of sleeping with Jess, he always insinuates that I'll be just like my mother, who was 16. It's very confusing."  
  
"Yu-huh." Rune said, clearly unimpressed.  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"What about me what?"  
  
"How long have you been in Stars Hollow?"  
  
Rune snorted. "Too long."  
  
Rory sighed.  
  
---  
  
Tristan knocked loudly. "Rory?" he called. When he finally realized that no one was home, Tristan sat dejectedly on the front steps.  
  
"Hey, suga'!"  
  
Tristan looked up at the short blond woman waving at him. "Yeah?" he answered, a bit uncertainly.  
  
"The girls ain't home. Try the Inn."  
  
"Oh, thank you."  
  
[AN: Thank goodness for Babette!]  
  
Tristan stood up, brushed off his pants and strolled towards the Independence Inn.  
  
---  
  
"Rune, please stop humming..." Rory said through clenched teeth.  
  
"Uh...no."  
  
"Ughhhh!"  
  
---  
  
"Excuse me?" Tristan said, and rang the bell at the front desk. As if bidden from the great unknown, Michel rose from the depths of the floor.  
  
"Why?" he asked, very French and very pissed off, "Why must you ring the bell when I am right here?"  
  
"I didn't see you."  
  
"Did it ever occur to you to use your eyes?" Michel challenged, and sniffed.  
  
"Look, is Rory here?"  
  
"The offspring? Yes, she is."  
  
"Any idea where?" asked Tristan, getting annoyed.  
  
"Hmmm...no. Sorry."  
  
"Sure you are..." Tristan muttered, and walked away.  
  
---  
  
"Rune, I swear to god-"  
  
"I will only love youuuuuuuuuuuuu......" Rune sang, and held his hands out for effect.  
  
Rory banged her head against the wall. Repeatedly.  
  
---  
  
"Lorelai!" Tristan called out, glad to see a familiar face in such a hostile environment.  
  
"Tristan! What are you doing here?" asked Lorelai suspiciously.  
  
"I'm looking for Rory. Any idea where she is?"  
  
"Uh, try the closet (dun dun dun) down the hall."  
  
---  
  
"So, let me get this straight. He kissed you AFTER you stole something from the store?"  
  
"For the last time, yes."  
  
"Hmm. Now, did you ever pay for it?"  
  
---  
  
Tristan saw the closet (dun dun dun) and grasped the doorknob. Yet he hesitated. Who knew what answers lay in the closet (dun dun dun)? Who knew what that horrible noise was? It sounded like a wounded animal. Finally, Tristan took his life into his hands, and pulled open the door.  
  
---  
  
Rory and Rune stopped bickering and looked into the light. Rory had known it all along. She had died, and an angel had come down to take her to heaven. No such luck. It was Tristan, and he was so happy to see her that he accidentally let the door close.  
  
"Tristan!" Rory cried out, and flung herself at the door.  
  
"Rory!" Tristan said, thinking that she was happy to see him, which under normal circumstances, she would have been.  
  
Rune sighed. "Come join us. Did you bring dip?"  
  
"Dip?" Tristan asked, sitting next to Rory.  
  
Rory didn't give Rune a chance to clarify. "Tristan, I have some bad news. We're trapped. In a closet (dun dun dun)."  
  
"What was that?" asked Rune.  
  
"Really?" Tristan said, and wiggled his eyebrows at Rory provocatively. "I can think of worse things."  
  
"Then being stuck in a closet (dun dun dun)?"  
  
"There it was again!" Rune cried out, and covered his ears.  
  
"At least it's fairly roomy," Tristan said, ignoring the shaking man, "well, for a closet (dun dun dun) that is."  
  
"Ahhh! Make it stop! Make it stop!"  
  
"Make what stop?" Rory asked.  
  
"That sound!"  
  
"Can we ignore him now and get back to us?" Tristan asked Rory.  
  
"You're right. This doesn't happen very often, so I guess we need to take advantage of our closet-(dun dun dun)-ed state, right?"  
  
"Ahhhhh!"  
  
"Definitely. But how can I seduce you with Rune wailing in the corner?"  
  
"Rune, do you think you could...?" Rory asked hopefully.  
  
Rune stood up. "Yeah, sure."  
  
Tristan and Rory waited until Rune had left and then returned to each other.  
  
---  
  
A few hours later, Tristan and Rory got to the good stuff.  
  
"Rory, I have something very important to tell you..." Tristan confided.  
  
"Oh Tristan, I have something to tell you too."  
  
"Okay, you go first."  
  
"No, you first."  
  
"No, you first."  
  
This continued for several more lines, until:  
  
"Rory!" Lorelai cried, and flung herself at her daughter. "I've been so worried about you!"  
  
"Mom? How long have I been in here?" asked Rory, dazed and confused. Tristan wasn't much better himself.  
  
"Oh, days! Weeks! Months! Yea-"  
  
"We get the point," Rory said dryly. "Tristan, do you want to get some coffee?"  
  
"Uh, yeah. Sure."  
  
Too bad for the Trory readers. The confession would have to wait.  
  
---  
  
I FINISHED! I've been typing this for hours and hours and hours, you have no idea. I hope it was slightly amusing to read. With any luck I'll get a few reviews of encouragement and I'll slog on to Chapter 24...that is already planned out by the way. God I'm good. 


	24. Snow, Sleep and Temperature

Readers:  
  
The countdown continues. I had to repress the urge to write a sappy 'Lane & Dave' story, after I read a bunch of the most revolting stories that made me feel all warm inside. But never fear, Dave makes his debut appearance here! With Lane! And Tristan! And Paris! And Jess! And Rory! And LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of snow! Hurrah! Satirists rejoice!  
  
authors-anonymous  
  
---  
  
Rory woke up, feeling warm and gooey inside. 'Hmmm...' she wondered, 'I wonder why I'm feeling all warm and gooey?' Rory would have pondered this further, but was interrupted by the telephone ringing.  
  
"Mom!" Rory called, "where's the phone?" Rory pulled herself out of bed and padded into the kitchen. "Mom?" Rory then padded into the living room. "Mom? Where are you?" Rory padded to several other locations, before she remembered that the phone was ringing, and that was the reason that she got out of bed in the first place, so Rory decided that she should get the phone before it stopped ringing, so Rory looked for the phone and listened to its ring and then she realized that not only was this a typical bad writers never ending sentence, but that the phone would be located under the pillows and blankets on the couch that many movie-watchings, make- outings and heart-to-heartings had taken place on, and for some reason was almost as big a star as the infamous Max Medina, who was usually written as a mean mean man, hardly ever the romeo he obviously was...hey, guess what? THE PHONE WAS STILL RINGING!!!  
  
"Hello?" Rory said sweetly.  
  
"Rory, I have to ask you the BIGGEST favor ever."  
  
"Lane?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Okay, what do you need?" asked Rory, sitting down on the couch [mention #2] and pulling her legs up under her.  
  
"Well, you know Dave right?"  
  
"The guy who's in your band? Yes, I think I remember him."  
  
"Okay, well, we were going to have out first official 'date' tonight, but his parents have to go to a funeral and are taking the car that would have taken us to our date in Hartford."  
  
"That blows!"  
  
"Did you just say blows?" asked Lane, who was huddled in her closet (dun dun dun) [AN: Sorry, I couldn't resist!] listening to her new Britney Spears, Live in Concert cd.  
  
"I guess my inner Homie-G took over for a minute. Sorry about that."  
  
"No problem. But I still have one."  
  
"What?" asked Rory, misinterpreting her comment.  
  
"A problem."  
  
"Oh right. Well why don't you guys take a bus or a cab or something?"  
  
"Cabs are too expensive, and Dave is allergic to buses."  
  
"Oh, sure..." Rory replied, completely oblivious to the blatant lies that the author was making Lane say to get a house full of teenagers in the snow.  
  
"But I have an idea."  
  
"Shoot."  
  
"Well, I was wondering if maybe Dave and I could come over to your house."  
  
"And this is romantic...how?" asked Rory.  
  
"Well, it's close, and we could order pizza or get Luke's or something, and listen to music or sit on your couch [mention #3] or talk or..."  
  
"Okay, you convinced me. I'll just make myself scarce."  
  
"No, you can stay in your room, I'm sure Dave won't mind."  
  
"Yeah, and staying in my room all evening on Saturday night sounds like loads of fun," replied Rory sarcastically.  
  
"Well...we could have a double date!" Lane exclaimed, and would have jumped up and down if she hadn't been sitting.  
  
"Aren't you forgetting something?" asked Rory.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't have a boyfriend."  
  
"Get Tristan to come."  
  
"Tristan? I don't know. We're just friends."  
  
"Friends?" Lane exclaimed astonished at her best friends naivety, "I've seen the way he looks at you Rory Gilmore, and he doesn't want to be 'friends'".  
  
"Oh, I didn't tell you, did I?" Rory asked, and then proceeded to tell Lane about the 'just friends' deal that happened exactly 20 chapters ago. [AN: And I didn't even need to check!]  
  
"I can't believe you didn't tell me!" Lane exclaimed. "Well, invite him anyway. And you can invite Jess and Dean and Paris..."  
  
"Tristan, Jess, AND Dean? Are you crazy?"  
  
Lane ignored Rory. "Can I come over early to get dressed and choose music and stuff?"  
  
"Oh, sure."  
  
"Great. Oh, Mama Kim. Gotta go."  
  
Rory hung up slowly. Before she would decide who to invite, she would need so coffee. With a scribbled note to her mother, she pulled on a sweater and set off too Luke's.  
  
---  
  
"Coffee?" Luke asked, filling a huge mug with the black ambrosia.  
  
Rory sat at the counter, and took a huge gulp. "Mmm..." she said, and breathed in the heavenly smell.  
  
"Good?" Jess asked, coming down the stairs.  
  
"You have no idea."  
  
"Oh, yes I do." Jess responded, pouring himself a cup and sitting next to her. "So, read any good books lately?"  
  
As Rory and Jess bickered (Hemmingway vs. The Fountain Head {the two most overused books/authors around}- which was better?) Luke leaned against the counter, watching them.  
  
Luke's Thoughts: "Wow, look at them go. Hey, this is weird. Why do I have my own thinking bubble? Some authors are quite strange. Back to Jess and Rory. Why are they called Literali stories? Wouldn't it be easier to call them Jrory's? And why are stories about me and Lorelai called Java Junkies? I hate java. I probably hate junkies. Wouldn't dinerite's be better? Or Lukelai's? What about nothing? Why is it always assumed that I secretly love Lorelai?"  
  
[Author Interruption: The answer to these and other burning questions, coming soon to a story near you!]  
  
More Luke's Thoughts: "Oh, but Jess would be really good for Rory. I mean, Rory would be really good for Jess. Mmmm...Jess. Hey, I didn't just think that, did I? No, probably not. I wonder if Jess and Rory will ever get together. Isn't it wrong for me and Lorelai to get together if Jess and Rory get together? Cousins by marriage...euchh. But I could get together with Rory and Lorelai with Jess...Lorelai and Jess. I'll kill the punk!"  
  
Jess looked up in time to see Luke storm off. "That's weird."  
  
"What is?" asked Rory.  
  
"Luke just stormed off. [FORESHADOWING:] So, what are you doing tonight?"  
  
"Oh, nothing much. Hey, do you want to come over tonight?"  
  
Jess raised his eyebrows. "What?"  
  
"Lane and Dave are having their first 'date' at my house so we decided that we'd make an evening of it and invite a bunch of people."  
  
Jess sighed inwardly. "I'll see."  
  
Rory stood up and put on her jacket (which she never actually took off, but whatever), "it'll be fun..." she wielded.  
  
"I'll see," Jess said firmly. "Rory?" he called, as he watched the girl of his dreams walk out of the diner.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why are you wearing your pajamas?"  
  
Rory looked down and turned bright red.  
  
Jess smirked. [AN: Which, as everyone knows, is the only facial expression Jess has, other then when he smiles at Rory when no one else is around. Oh, he's sooooo dreamy!]  
  
Rory turned and with as much dignity as she could muster (after the blatant betrayal by the author) walked out of the diner.  
  
---  
  
Rory stared into her closet (dun dun dun) [AN: No comment.] attempting to find something (anything!) to wear. She was slightly daunted by the fact that she had enough jackets to never wear the same one twice, but only slightly. She settled on a baby blue sleeveless shirt with...  
  
[Insert a bunch of meaningless words about what she chose, obviously identical to what the author was wearing at the time of writing or wished to be wearing at time of writing. But not what this particular author is wearing or wished to be wearing, because this particular author doesn't wear baby blue shirts or wish to wear baby blue shirts. Ever. This author doesn't even know what baby blue looks like, and honestly doesn't wish that she knew. And this author also wonders (and wishes that she hadn't) if it should be considered tacky that Rory would wear a shirt that is described in the same way as her eyes in EVERY SINGLE STORY EVER WRITTEN!!!!! The author got a bit carried away there. She is sorry. And while the author has interrupted the story for a meaningless ramble (as many horrible horrible authors do- but not this one because she's only mocking, and you can't mock the mocking!) she wants to inform you of what Chapter 25 will be satirizing, so each and every reader can eagerly anticipate it. But not now. The author apologizes, and gets back to the somewhat mediocre story. Starting...now.]  
  
After Rory had pulled on her -  
  
{insert words about shirt here, just incase the reader forgot what was written on it from the thirty page description that is usually accompanied whenever Rory puts on or takes off her clothes.}  
  
- shirt and her new pair of -  
  
{insert words about shorts here, see ramble above to save finger strength...}  
  
- shorts, Rory pulled her hair into a loose ponytail and slipped on a pair of designer flip-flops -  
  
{duh, like sure like Rory would like be willing to like pay like sixty like dollars for a like pair of like plastic shoes when she could like be like buying a like book or like something. Like, no duh!}  
  
- before giving herself a final look over. 'Damn!' she thought.  
  
{don't get me started.}  
  
'Cockadoodledoo!'  
  
"Mom?" called Rory. "Was that you?" After a few more barnyard sounds, Rory had successfully eliminated the toaster, the coffee maker, the ice cube tray and her mother from the appliances/people who could have made the sound. That left only one thing. "Ohh! The door! I think I'll go get that!" Rory said, to save to the author having to type what she was doing.  
  
[AN: It's a good writing technique kids!]  
  
After Rory's monologue on going to the door, opening it and finding Lane outside, she was utterly fatigued, and sat on the couch [mention #4].  
  
"Rory, what are you wearing?" asked Lane, utterly panicked, but trying hard to hide it.  
  
"Uh...?"  
  
"I mean tonight."  
  
"Nothing."  
  
Lane blanched. Like keeping Dave around with Rory IN clothes wasn't hard enough. "What?"  
  
"I mean, nothing special. Jeans or something."  
  
"Oh, good."  
  
"Lane," Rory said reprovingly, "Dave is crazy about you. I believe he's even told you so in several stories."  
  
"Yes, but in the said stories, doesn't my mother catch me?"  
  
"Well, yes..." Rory admitted, grudgingly.  
  
"Is that a sign? It is, I knew this was a bad idea. My mother is going to catch me and-"  
  
"Lane! Calm down. How about we go get ready?"  
  
"Get ready...good, I can do that. Can I wear your {insert item of clothing that Rory would never own, never mind wear}?  
  
---  
  
Three hours later:  
  
Lane and Rory were dressed in god knows what and were waiting for their men to arrive. By men I mean Dave and possibly some other guy who Rory knew, but hadn't invited.  
  
'Cockadoodledoo!'  
  
"Oh good, they're here!" Rory said, and jumped up. Lane quickly pressed play on the cd player and listened in satisfaction when some crappy artist filled the room. Then she and Rory went to the door.  
  
"Dave!" Lane greeted enthusiastically, and pulled him inside. Paris stood uncomfortably on the front step.  
  
"Come in Paris!" Rory said, and took her coat from her. "I didn't know you knew Dave?"  
  
"Oh yeah," she replied abstractedly, "old friends, I and him. Known each other since birth or something ridiculously unlikely. Can I use your bathroom?"  
  
"Oh, sure, right that way."  
  
'Cockadoodledoo!'  
  
"Tristan! You came!"  
  
"Of course I did," Tristan said, admiring her extremely tight outfit. "Would you like to?"  
  
"What?" asked Rory.  
  
"Nothing. So am I going to stand out here all night?"  
  
"Oh, of course not! Come on in. Dave is here, and for some reason so is Paris."  
  
"Dave? Dave Rygowsky?"  
  
"Tris, man!" Dave said, turning around to see 'Tris'.  
  
"Long time no see buddy!" Tristan said, and pulled him into a tight bear hug.  
  
"Where do you know each other from?" asked Lane, slightly nervous that she didn't want to know the answer.  
  
"Oh, who knows?" answered Dave.  
  
Just then, some gross song came on and the five (Paris had come out of the bathroom wearing a shirt that showed several inches of skin and a pink dog collar, so yes, before you start getting all math-y on me, there were five) started to get jiggy with it.  
  
"It's getting hot in herre So take off all your clothes... I am getting so hot I'm gonna take my clothes off!"  
  
[These verses where repeated for the duration of the song, with the males and females (respectively) taking turns with both parts. Fun was had by all, except the author who had to actually find the damn lyrics and realized that there are less than 25 words in the entire song.]  
  
Rory giggled. "Oh, I'll be right back! Lane, Paris, come with me please!"  
  
Lane and Paris obediently followed Rory into the kitchen.  
  
"What is it Gilmore?" asked an extremely pissed Paris. [AN: Gotta love alliteration!]  
  
"Umm...I actually can't remember." Rory answered, wrinkling her brow.  
  
"Oh, don't worry about it!" Lane said, getting a bunch of beers from the fridge. "That happens in stories all the time. We have to go off together. It's like...the law!"  
  
"Oh, okay!" Rory replied, feeling much better about herself.  
  
Paris looked on in disbelief. "So this served absolutely no purpose?"  
  
"Come Paris, lighten up!" Rory said, fluffing her hair. "This is supposed to be a party!"  
  
"Since when?" asked Lane, and looked down at her open beer.  
  
"Oh my gosh!" Rory the chaste said, and put all of the beer back in the fridge. "I don't know what came over us!"  
  
Paris took off her collar. "I don't know either. Oh well, looks like we'll just need to have some old fashioned fun!"  
  
"Okay, you two get back there. I think I need to change out of this tube top!" Rory said, and went into her room. Paris excused herself as well, and Lane had to face the boys alone.  
  
---  
  
What had transpired when the girls where in the kitchen:  
  
...  
  
Um, yeah.  
  
---  
  
Rory pushed up her window. "Jess?"  
  
"Hey," Jess said, emerging from the bushes.  
  
"Do you want to come in?"  
  
Jess pulled himself through the window. "Sure." He smirked when he saw Rory's pajamas folded on her bed.  
  
"Stop that."  
  
"Stop what?" asked Jess, taking Rory's hand and pulling her into the living room, where Tristan, Paris, Dave, Lane and now Jess and Rory (as promised) were sitting on the couch [mention #3918562462984], watching a movie. Rory snuggled down next to Tristan and Jess somehow found Paris in close proximity to his lap. No one was watching the movie.  
  
---  
  
A few hours later, Rory looked up from Tristans oh-so-dreamy blue eyes. "Um guys..." asked Rory, startling the other two couples. "What month is it?"  
  
"Suddenly get an urge to write a term paper?" asked Jess, sarcastically.  
  
"It's May. Why?" asked Dave.  
  
"Well, it's snowing."  
  
Actually, Rory dear, it was more than snowing. It was...okay, it was snowing, but really really hard. It was a snow 'storm' [AN: Get the foreshadowing?] and the six were trapped.  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile, Lorelai was trapped with Luke at the diner, as was usual when situations such as these came up. Since she was such a totally cool mother, she didn't really mind that Rory and five other teenagers were going to be doing teenager things in her house. Unsupervised teenage things in her house. Oh well, that's Lorelai for you.  
  
---  
  
Everyone had just finished calling their parents/guardians to tell them that they would be trapped at Rory's house. Rory, being the generous host that she was, hauled out six sleeping bags (being the avid camper that she was, she obviously had six sleeping bags) and gave cute pajamas to the girls and big t-shirts to the guys. Unfortunatly, for toothbrushes they were on their own.  
  
Once everyone had hunkered down, Rory between Tristan and Jess, Paris between Jess and Lane and Tristan next to Dave and Rory (just so you know), they watched another few movies, drank some sodas (or coffee, in Rory's case) and eventually fell asleep.  
  
[Due to the rating of this story, the hanky-panky that took place in this story won't actually take place in this story. For all of you less than thirteen year olds out there who are actually reading.]  
  
When the six woke up the next morning, Jess offered to make breakfast with the breakfast making material that had magically appeared in the Gilmore kitchen and there was some eating and some flirting and some giggling and some secret telling and then the six noticed that the snow had mysteriously melted and then they all said goodbye and hugged and kissed and wrote down phone numbers and exchanged friendship braceletes and once everyone had finally left Rory in her solitude, the readers were forced to realize that the author had finally run out of things to satirize/plagerize for the snowed-in/bad music chapter. But not for long.  
  
---  
  
---  
  
Whew! That was like seriously long! I hope it was enjoyable and slightly entertaining. Due to the amount of people saying that they want G reviews, I've decided to refuse to read anything that is less that PG. Just to warn you. So you'd all better look up "fornication" and use it in your reviews. And there had better be some reviews, because I'm going to fail my Biology midterm due to my lack of studying and lots of writing.  
  
Please read the following:  
  
The next chapter is not only going to be a satire in the actual chapter, but the 'authors notes' are going to be parodies of crappy 'authors notes'. Just so you don't think I've lost my mind.  
  
For those of you who are unaware, the results of the first offical GG Fan Fic Awards are posted. Thanks to you, this story won best satire or something ridiculous like that. To check it out, and other good stories (because believe it or not, there actually are some!) here's the address. I hope posting it isn't against some law or something.  
  
[www . after - tonight . net / fan fic / winners . html] (ignore the spaces!)  
  
Coming soon...my acceptance speech!  
  
--- 


	25. The Author Takes No Responsibility For T...

Readers: No, I have not gone insane. I'm sorry, but I feel that it is my duty to do this. Don't hate me! -authors anonymous  
  
---  
  
AN: hey hey hey peeps, whatz up? thx sooooo much for all of the suport i've gotten!!!!!!! i just wanna shout out to anna, abby, abigail, alex, alan, al, bethany, birdy, betty, bert, bob, billy, cathy, chelsey, cil, collin, conor, cale, darleen, dale, daria, derek, dave, dan, ethel, elinor, eileen, eric, evan, fred, fredrica, gertrude, gary, gereth, goldie, harry, harriet, henry, ingrid, jack, jerry, john, james, jonas, kelly, larry, lauren, mary, nate, ophelia, petunia, paul, quince, rachel, ralph, rudolf the red nosed rain dear (lol), stan, steph, travis, ursela, veronica, vanessa, wendy, warner, xena, yasmine, yosef, and zora my betas. you guys rock! before the story i'm gonna reply to all of the reviews i've gotten individually, cuz i mean, who doesn't want to read what i have to say, right? okay, so here goes  
  
Anna: Yeah, he is REALLLLY hot  
  
Petunia: Okay, ill continue, since you asked soooo nicely!  
  
Warner: Yeah, that math test was hard. What was our history homework?  
  
Spicychick384723948:No, I'm not crazy, you are. Thx for your time!  
  
ChetosChild9382: I love you too! Keep reviewing!  
  
Lauren: Look, I'm sorry about what happened to Dean, but really, he HAD to go!  
  
Zora: ur great...ur reviewz were soooooo nice!!!!!!!!!  
  
Okay, so if anyone hasn't guessed by now, I DON'T own Gilmore girls, (cuz even tho this is a fan fiction web site, I don't want to get sued! LOL) And all of the ideas are MINE and if you want this on your website (cuz you all do) I will need some references and to see it first, and I also want royalties, but just review, cuz if you don't review, you cant have it! Lol lol lol lol.Yeah, so don't sue me, cuz all I have is this really expensive computer, my autographed Justin Timberlake posters and my Mercedes benz that my daddy got me for my birthday. And my boyfriend, (Hi Dave! You're sooooooooo wonderful!!!!!! Lol) who you can't have, so boo on you. Anywayz, I guess that it's time for me to stop talking and start writing! AND DON"T FORGET TO REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
----------  
  
Rori wuz waiting for Lorelei 2 pore her coffee, and she wuz taking soooo long and Rori reallllllllllly neaded some coffee before she went 2 chiltin. "Like, Rori, whutz wrong?" asked Lorleiei, "y aren't u talking 2 me? Did I do somthin?" "No mum, u didn't do anyting, I'm just tired," rori lyed and puled on her jacket. "I'm going out." "Where r u going sweety?" "just out." Lorleieieie looked after her only daughter sadly. She had grown up and wuzn't there ne more and lorlrieieieiehaflkdhsfrkias missed her soooooo much that she decided 2 go into her room to listen 2 her favoritie new cd, cuz the newest nick carter song was soooo great. It reminded her of this time when she was with Christopher and they were in paris for spring break and she was on the beach. Cuz that's when she had rori, and she and rori were sooooooooooo close. "I'm home mum!" Rori called. "Rori, where were u? I wuz worried!" "Y do u even care? I'm not u, I won't get pregnant." "Rori, wutz gotten into you?" "I dunno, nothing. Go away mum. I'm 2 old for you." "But Rori, ur my best friend!" Lukily the car outside honked and rori grabbed her bikini and a towel and ran outiside 2 tristins car and jumped in and started to kiss his neck. "Woooh, wut r u doin? Asked tristen, y r u doin that?"  
  
R: I need u tristen, lets pull over now.  
  
T: Woo hoo, OK rori, wut eva u say.  
  
3.38mins later  
  
R: O tris I luv u soooooo much, that wuz soooo good.  
  
T: Y stop? Lets do it again.  
  
R: OK.  
  
aT tHe DiNeR  
  
L:Luke! I'm soooo worried!!!! Give me coffee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
L: I'm comin I'm comin. Wuts rong?  
  
L: I need coffee and I need to talk to u  
  
L: OK, I'll close the diner. EVERYBodY OUT!!!!!  
  
L: Thx Luke, ur a good man.  
  
L: Ur my hero . So, Rori left.  
  
L: Wut?  
  
L: W/ Tristein.  
  
L: Who is he? Can I kill him?  
  
L; No, he's hot.  
  
L: So is he and rori.?  
  
L:..............  
  
L: Ohhhh..  
  
L: Yeah...  
  
L:Hmmm....  
  
L:...wanna make out on the counter?  
  
L:...I've luved u 4va!  
  
L:.....can I feel ur pickles?  
  
L: maybe!!!!!!!  
  
AN: ooh, they FINALLY did it! I'm sooooooooo happy!!! lol lol lol...  
  
"Rori, can we go out now?" Tirisigndjdiwkdn said after a particularly strenuous bought of love making. Because that's what it was. LOVE making, because they were in LOVE...  
  
AN: i LOVE trisun, he's sooooooo cute!!! i wish i wuz rori!  
  
"I don't know...I can't contol myself around you..." said Rori.  
  
"How about I take you home now so you can make a pro-con list then?" said Tristin.  
  
"Really? You're not mad?" Rori said, flipping her blond hair over her shoulders.  
  
"Of course not Ror! I love you!" Tristen said.  
  
AN: AWWWWWWW!!!! he's soooo amazing!!!!  
  
"Ohh..." said Rori, and looked down at her skantily clad body.  
  
"What?" Tristan said, looking up from her skantily clad body.  
  
"Ummm...I don't know Tris...I don't think that I can say that I love you." Rory said.  
  
"What? Why? How can you say that after what just happened?" Tristyn said, outraged.  
  
AN: don't worry, it'll turn out okay!!! i PROMISE! lol lol lol  
  
"Look, as cool as that was, I don't think that I'm ready to be in a serious relationship with you." Rori said.  
  
"But...Rori...I'm the guy who took your virginity! How can you say that you don't care for me?" said Tristun  
  
"Oh...um, about that..." Rori said.  
  
"What are you saying Rori?" said Triston.  
  
"Remember Brad?" said Rori.  
  
"Oh no, you didn't!" Tristun said.  
  
".................." Rori said.  
  
"You can still love me Rori." Tristin said, looking soulfully into her eyes.  
  
"I can't! I have a boyfriend!" Rori said.  
  
"What?" said Tristen.  
  
"A boyfriend!" said Rori again.  
  
"So, break up with him!" said Tristyn.  
  
"Ooh, I can't. Even though it's not real love, only sibling love and he sometimes abuses me and he's really over protective and he's dumb and ugly and he's the best boyfriend in the world, and i don't want to hurt him, even when he does really mean things to me and i know that i'm hurting you by dragging it out and he's definetly going to find out and/or your going to get tired of waiting for me and..." Rori said.  
  
"I understand." said Tristin.  
  
"I know you would." said Rori.  
  
a FeW hRs. LaTeR  
  
"Mom?"  
  
"Yes sweety?"  
  
"I think I'm...pregnant."  
  
"Oh...okay. Do you know for sure?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Okay, let's go get you a test."  
  
"Okay."  
  
a FeW mOrE hRs. LaTeR  
  
"TWINS!" Lorellai cried out, and hugged Rory tight to her.  
  
"I'm gonna be a mommy!" Rory cried out, and hugged back.  
  
"This is great! How about Chrissy and Breanne?"  
  
"Or Cindy and Desiree?"  
  
"Ror...who's the father?"  
  
Rory looked up to her mother and tried to still her quivering lip. "I dunno."  
  
"Rory, what have i told you about the birds and the bees?" Lorelia scolded as she helped the mothertobe into the jeep.  
  
"Mom...I'm scared."  
  
"Oh, don't worry about it. It'll be fine. You can live in the hut behind the inn if you want."  
  
"Oh, okay. Thanks Mom."  
  
"No problem kid."  
  
Loreleieheh and Rori had a very nice bonding moment and when they got back to stars hallow they decided to have a movie night.  
  
"Hey, lets invite Tristen!"  
  
"Ummm..." Rori said, looking down. "Okay..."  
  
tHaT nIgHt  
  
AN: don't worry! good thingz happen!!!!  
  
L: Is he here yet?  
  
R: No.  
  
T: Hello!  
  
R+L: Tristin!  
  
T: Hello!  
  
R: Come on in! Sit down next 2 me and we'll watch the movie.  
  
T: Wut r we watching?  
  
R+L: CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY!!!!  
  
T: That'z like mi favorite movie eva!  
  
R: Me 2!  
  
L: I LOVE the oompaloompas.  
  
T: Okay. Let's start.  
  
R+L: Okay.  
  
l8r that nite, loreleiue was sleeping on the couch [Mention #284629402816348759372618738 9493727263748474736373484937362637483494837263748489473601923847567438915638 7438910475634738291407856347381924732856281497382916484732816583214783478329 1654783912743821748165813247832156832174831257654732864810947819327489312074 38092] and Rori and Tristun were sitting down next 2 each otha.  
  
"Rori?"  
  
"Mhhm?"  
  
"Am I the father?"  
  
"How did u know?"  
  
"Duh, ur eating for 3!"  
  
AN: He's sooo smart!  
  
"Ohh...yes."  
  
"Let's get married."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Do u like it?"  
  
"Oh Tris, it's BEAUTIFUL, I love it!"  
  
AN: AWWWW!!  
  
Rory put out her hand and Tristan put the white gold ring onto her outstretched finger. The clumps and clumps of diamonds sparkled under the glow of the television and Rory admired the delicate workmanship of the huge diamonds, rubies and emeralds encrusted into the band. It was gorgeous (it weighed nearly 30 pounds, but it was worth the pain) and Rory loved it so much she heaved a huge sigh and kissed Tristan on his cheek.  
  
"I love you Rory."  
  
"And I love..."  
  
"COCKADOODLEDOOBAWKBAWKBAWKCLUCKWOOFMEOW" The animal alarm clock rang, waking Rory up.  
  
"Wow, that was a weird dream!" she said aloud and got out of bed. "Hmmm...what to wear, what to wear?"  
  
It took a while, but Rory finaly chose a tight pair of baby blue shorts and her porn star t-shirt that Lorelai had gotten her for her birthday. Rory pulled off her silk pajamas and let them pool at her feet. She stepped daintily out of them and walked over to her mirror, where she stood admiring her self. She was so engrossed that she didn't even notice the commotion outside.  
  
"What are YOU doing here?" Dean demanded, tapping Jess on his shoulder.  
  
"Shhh!"  
  
"I SAID-"  
  
"Shut up man! Take a look for yourself!"  
  
Dean peered through the window. "Jeez man, you're looking at my girlfriend! I'm going to kill you!"  
  
"Dude, she's not your girlfriend!" Jess retorted, still gazing hungrily at the naked girl.  
  
"Yeah, you're right."  
  
"Hey ladies!" Tristan said, coming though the bush behind the two salivating males.  
  
"Go away Triscut."  
  
"Yeah man." Jess agreed.  
  
"Hey, did...did we just agree?" Dean asked.  
  
Jess smirked. "Yeah right."  
  
"What are you guys looking at?" Tristan asked, not used to being ignored, since he was OBVIOUSLY the hottest of them all.  
  
"Rory. Now shut up." Both said simultaneously.  
  
"Ooh, I wanna see!" Tristan said, jumping up and down to see over the boys shoulders.  
  
"Wait your turn!" Jess said angrily.  
  
"Yeah dude."  
  
Tristan however, wasn't a patient fellow. Without giving warning, he shoved Jess into Dean and pressed his face against the glass. Jess swallowed. Dean swallowed. They both swallowed. Jess and Dean looked into eachothers eyes.  
  
"Ummm, we'll be back." Dean said, taking Jess' hand.  
  
"Yeah, back."  
  
The two ran off into the distance.  
  
Meanwhile, inside the Gilmore residence, Rory had finally stopped salivating over her rock hard abs and put on her clothes. "I want coffee!" she said aloud and went into the kitchen.  
  
"Oh, hi Tristan!" Rory said brightly when Tristan entered though her back door. "Want some coffee?"  
  
"Actually, I need to talk to you."  
  
"Okay, shoot."  
  
"Well-"  
  
"Oh, hold on a second. I'll be right back." Rory got up and went into her bedroom, where Jess was currently breaking into.  
  
"Oh, hi Jess!" Rory said brightly when Jess entered though her window (looking slightly disheveled). "Want some coffee?"  
  
"Actually, I need to talk to you."  
  
"Okay, lets go into the living room."  
  
Tristan and Jess sat on the couch and Rory was watching them closely. Wasn't it rather strange that BOTH Tristan and Jess had to talk to her?  
  
"Okay, we need to talk to you."  
  
"Okay...oh, just a second." Rory went to the front door and opened it to admit a very disheveled Dean.  
  
"Oh, hi Dean!" Rory said brightly when Dean entered though her front door. "Want some coffee?"  
  
"Actually-"  
  
"You need to talk to me. So I've heard."  
  
Dean sat down between the two other hot males on the couch and squirmed.  
  
"So...?" Rory asked, sitting across from them on the coffee table.  
  
"Look, Rory, we need to talk to you." Tristan said for all of them.  
  
"Okay, what?"  
  
"Look...this is really hard for us."  
  
"Take your time."  
  
"Okay..." Tristan looked at Jess for help.  
  
"Rory," Jess started bluntly, "you need to choose."  
  
And suddenly, it all became so horribly clear. Rory had to choose.  
  
AN: Thx for reading!!! Now i need 13849240000000 reviews or i'm NOT going to keep riting and you'll never no wut happened!!!!! SO REVIEW RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol lol lol...I MEAN IT!!!!!  
  
---  
  
Real Author's Notes: Phew. That was absolutly horrible, and I know it. If I wrote like that normally, I think I'd kill myself. But I hope that it wasn't too boring to read, even if it was pretty boring to write. I think that that covered most of the bad writing bases. I had to physically restrain myself from doing a Jess/Rory and a Lorelai/Luke bad writing scene, but I promise that it's all up here and is going to fit into my next story. Oh, incidently, I had a thought. Which is better, an entirely Luke/Lorelai story or a mix of L/L and J/R? Let me know. I have some sad news. There are 5 chapters left to this amazing story. Five chapters and five alternate endings. Kinda. So, stay tuned and I'll update as regularly as possible.  
  
And I wasn't kidding about the 13849240000000 reviews either.  
  
-aa 


	26. The End! Or is it? Part 1

Readers: As you will have no doubt realized by the title of this chapter (I don't mind waiting while you read it, go right ahead, don't mind me...) that this is the first ending. I won't spoil the surprise by telling you what happens or who Rory chooses, but trust me, it won't come as a shock. I got an extreme amount of reviews for the last chapter (surprising, and yes, I did lose a bit of my soul, thanks for asking!), so thanks for everyone who took a few minutes out of their very busy lives to make me happy. I keep forgetting to mention that I now have an email address up, so my faithful and friend-less, life-less, 30-years-old-and-still-living- with-their-parents-thus-exceptionally-lonely reviewers (and I don't doubt that there are some!) can contact me through a more private means of conversation. Basically, if you have undying love to confess for me, there's the place to tell me to avoid ridicule from the general public. To find it out (and to prompt shameless promotion) just go to my profile. Okay, I am officially done writing nonsense for this chapter. So, until next time...adieu!  
  
-authors anonymous  
  
READ THIS: CHAPTER 26 HAS BEEN UPDATED! [April 7] See Chapter 27 for details.  
  
---  
  
Rory lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. She hadn't closed her eyes once from the time she went to bed to the time she woke up. In fact, she hadn't slept a wink all night. Her thoughts were in turmoil. Who would she choose? Here she was, anywhere from 16 to 18 years of age, and she hadn't had a boyfriend in 26 chapters (although, to her credit, she had had several romantic encounters to date).  
  
"What am I going to do?" Rory wondered aloud. "There are so many choices!" Rory realized that she wasn't going to draw a reasonable conclusion without having some coffee in her system, so she got dressed and headed to Luke's diner.  
  
"Hey there Rory, coffee?" Luke asked, so OBVIOUSLY disappointed that the elder Gilmore wasn't sitting next to the younger Gilmore at the counter.  
  
"Hey!" Rory shouted, causing some disturbance in the diner. "This story is about ME! and not my insane Mother's love life. So CAN IT!"  
  
[AN: Jeez, some people...]  
  
"To-go please," Rory replied sweetly. She wasn't in the mood for comic banter with Lorelai's-fated-to-be-future-husband when she had heavy stuff on her mind. Just as Luke handed her the paper cup, Jess bounded down the stairs.  
  
"Hey," he said, running his oh-so-beautiful-hands through his oh-so- gorgeous-hair.  
  
"Hey," replied Rory, unenthusiastically.  
  
"Want to have an oh-so-over-done conversation about an oh-so-overused- author-named-Hemmingway?"  
  
Rory looked up at Jess. Maybe it was a trick of the light, perhaps something in her pancakes (that she hadn't ordered, but was eating anyway), but Jess wasn't oh-so-appealing anymore. Was it that Rory had finally realized his effect on Global Warming? Maybe. Was it that Rory had finally realized how much hair gel he used every morning? It's possible. Was it that Rory had decided to follow her much-neglected mother's advice to stay away from the town's resident "Jack the Ripper"? It is conceivable. Was it that the author decided to save her life by not being barbequed on a rotating spit by all of the Trory fans reading this story? Not unlikely. But for whatever the reason, Rory couldn't stand the sight of him.  
  
"Uh, maybe tomorrow..." Rory replied, after she had thought all of this. Poor Jess. After all, Rory WAS the slowest thinker on this side of the border. "Um, I gotta go. See ya!" With that, Rory was up and away (so to speak).  
  
-  
  
Rory was wondering through the town, nursing her cup of coffee. "One down, two to go..." Rory's wanderings had taken her from Luke's to Doose's market. Which wasn't a very long wandering session, because the market was across the road from the diner, but since no one noticed this, we can move right along. Realizing that Rory was going to need more than a cold cup of coffee to solve her problem, she decided to go inside. As it happened, on her search for chocolate covered marshmallows, Rory ran smack-dab into Dean.  
  
"Rory! Hi!" Dean said enthusiastically, putting down the box of cornstarch he was holding. "How are you?"  
  
"Oh, you know..." Rory said, looking around, still thinking of her chocolate covered treats.  
  
"So Rory, I've been thinking..." Dean started.  
  
"Yes?" Rory prompted. 'This can't be good.'  
  
"Well, I realize now that we haven't really been represented right."  
  
Rory muffled a "huh?" with a tight smile.  
  
"I mean, in all of the stories, you're really a- well, you know."  
  
Rory nodded, not really knowing, but going along with the deranged 'bag- boy' anyway.  
  
"The stories aren't accurate. I mean, why would Jess call me bag-boy? Is he in cahoots with Tristan or something?" Dean started to get more than a bit peeved. "Why is that? And why do I always call you a slut or beat you up?"  
  
'Or both,' Rory thought.  
  
Dean continued without waiting for an answer. "Am I the ONLY one who notices that I'm always a possessive, love sick boyfriend? And don't think that you can't drag me along for chapters on end, apparently you can! How fair is that? Do you know how many times you've said 'I can't, I don't want to hurt him?' to Jess or Tristan, or even Kirk?! It's CRAZY!"  
  
"Dean, calm down!" Rory said, looking around nervously. The last thing she wanted was to be kicked out of Doose's before she'd gotten her chocolate covered marshmallows.  
  
"If you knew all the times I got drunk," Dean said, getting angrier by the minute, "maybe you would rethink all of the breaking my heart you are so inclined to do! Do you know how many times I've either a) gotten into a car crash, b) gotten intoxicated and slept with someone who probably has a disease, or c) slept with someone who goes to Chilton with you? Do you have any idea what happens in the stories? What about your Mother? Why does she like me more than you do? And what about all of that "sexual tension" between me and Jess? What sick bastard thought that up?"  
  
Rory had had just about enough. "What stories? Why are you spewing nonsense? I would have been better off talking about 'The Sun Also Rises' with Jess!" With that, Rory grabbed a bag of marshmallows, and stormed out, making this the second official time she had stolen from Doose's Market.  
  
-  
  
"Phew..." Rory said, once she had successful polished off the bag of candies. While she had been chewing on the delectable goodies, she had successfully forgotten about her pressing problems. Now the weight of her decision had come back to her in full force. With both Jess and Dean eliminated, it left only one candidate...  
  
"Kirk!" Rory yelled, running up to him. "Wait up!"  
  
"Yes?" the man asked, stopping his pursuit of lunch to listen to Rory.  
  
"I just wanted to congratulate you for being an upstanding citizen."  
  
[AN: Heart attack, anyone?]  
  
"Why, thank you!" Kirk replied, touched that Rory had noticed.  
  
"No problem! Now I've got to go and find the man of my dreams (at least for this chapter!) See ya!" With that, Rory was gone.  
  
-  
  
Luckily, Rory didn't have far too go. "Tristan!" she called, running up to the oh-so-sleek-'n-shiny vehicle. "Tristan!"  
  
The man of her desire rolled down the window. "Oh, hey Rory."  
  
'Sigh! Even his greetings are sexy!' Rory thought.  
  
"Tristan, I have to talk to you. Um, do you want..."  
  
Tristan finished her thought, "...To go to an obscure cafe in Hartford so you can tell me your feelings over a cup of coffee? To fly to [Hawaii/Mexico/Paris/Finland] for an impromptu holiday? To have internet conversations declaring our love of each other without even knowing it? To- "  
  
"Uh, actually..." Rory said, cutting him off, "I was wondering if-"  
  
"You wanted to go for a swim? You wanted to fornicate? You wanted to-" Tristan desperately tried to finish for her. After all, they weren't soul mates if they couldn't finish each other's sentences.  
  
"No!" Rory exclaimed, trying to get a word in edgewise. Her blue eyes glittered in the sunlight. "I was wondering if you wanted to come over for a movie tonight."  
  
'Damn it!' thought Tristan, 'I should have thought of that!'  
  
"Tristan?" Rory asked, her blue eyes glimmering with concern.  
  
"Uh, yeah?" Mentally stopped slapping his forehead.  
  
"Do you want too?" Her blue eyes questioning.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Definitely. So tonight." Tearing his eyes away from her blue ones.  
  
"Yeah." 'Oh, he's sooo dreamy!'  
  
"Great."  
  
"Yeah." 'I'm so glad I finally decided!'  
  
"Rory?" Tristan asked, seeing her glazed blue eyes.  
  
'Concentrate Rory! Don't think about tearing off his shirt and licking his biceps...' "Yeah?"  
  
"Are-" Tristan stopped, glaring at the annoying girls who were sitting on the edge of their seats, obviously waiting for a completely TRORYish movie night. Because they didn't realize that it was a SATIRE. "Alright already! We'll skip to the damn movie!"  
  
"What was that?" Rory asked innocently. It was much too easy to get caught in his, um...eyes. Yeah, his "eyes". ---  
  
It was much later that night. The lights were off, pizza boxes and bowls of chips and candy littered the floor and coffee table, and somehow Rory had ended up sitting on Tristan's lap with her hands under his shirts and his tangled in her hair, without noticing. Suddenly, Rory picked up the remote and turned off the television just as {Insert movie star's name here} was about to {Insert movie star's action here} by {Insert something else here} and {Ditto}, except that {Once again now} and {Blah blah blah}, so that {Yadda yadda yadda} would save the {Insert Barnyard animal/s Hollow? It was hard enough finding one within driving distance-"  
  
"Oh Tristan, you're so thoughtful!" Rory cut in, and gave him a huge kiss.  
  
Tristan blushed. "Yeah, well..." Gently, Tristan disentangled himself from Rory and knelt down in front of her. "Rory?"  
  
"Yes?" Rory asked, her voice shaking.  
  
"Will you marry me?" he asked, opening a small box.  
  
"Oh Tristan!" Rory breathed, when he put a white gold ring onto her outstretched finger. The clumps and clumps of diamonds sparkled under the glow of the television and Rory admired the delicate workmanship of the huge diamonds, rubies and emeralds encrusted into the band. It was gorgeous (it weighed nearly 30 pounds, but it was worth the pain) and Rory loved it so much she heaved a huge sigh and kissed Tristan on his cheek.  
  
"Will you?"  
  
"Of course I will!"  
  
"I love you Rory..."  
  
"And I love you Tristan," Rory said, pulling him up beside her. "Now let's watch the sun."  
  
And they sat together, and watched the sunrise.  
  
---  
  
The End! Or is it? PART I  
  
---  
  
FRESH OF THE PRESS: If you got this far a second time, thank you very very much. I really wasn't happy with this chapter, but now I'm appeased, pleased and utterly contented. Again, thanks, and enjoy Part II. -aa  
  
Authors Note: AHHHH! I just read the first 25 chapters again! AHHHH! They're horrible! I don't know how anyone managed to read them and actually liked them! I'm so embarrased!!! GAH! Well, as my nearly 200 reviews dictate, I guess I shouldn't complain. If you love me, by the end of the story there will be 300 (guilt is a fun thing). So, stay tuned for:  
  
THE END! Or is it? PART II 


	27. The End! Or is it? Part 2

Readers: The following sentence is very very important:  
  
CHAPTER 26 HAS BEEN REVISED!  
  
That's right, I tweaked. It's up to you whether you want to re-read it, but I would recommend it. The Jess and Dean parts are mainly the same, but the Tristan part has been revamped. I really wasn't happy with it, but I decided to post rather than revise. In any case, thank you for the reviews, etc. Now, without further ado: The End! Or is it? Part II  
  
-authors anonymous  
  
---  
  
Rory lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. She hadn't closed her eyes once from the time she went to bed to the time she woke up. In fact, she hadn't slept a wink all night. Her thoughts were in turmoil. Who would she choose? Here she was, anywhere from 16 to 18 years of age, and she hadn't had a boyfriend in 26 chapters (although, to her credit, she had had several romantic encounters to date).  
  
"What am I going to do?" Rory wondered aloud. "There are so many choices!" Rory realized that she wasn't going to draw a reasonable conclusion without having some coffee in her system, so she got dressed and headed to Luke's diner.  
  
"Hey Luke!" Rory said jovially, walking up to the counter.  
  
"Hey there Rory, coffee?" the older man asked.  
  
"Please. And a danish."  
  
"Coming right up," Luke said, pouring a cup of coffee and plating a danish as Jess bounded down the stairs. He stopped and slicked back his hair when he saw Rory.  
  
"Hey there Rory!" Jess said in his best English accent, siding up to her. "And how are you this fine morning?"  
  
Rory stared at Jess for an insane minute before answering. "Are you on drugs?"  
  
Jess chuckled, and ran a hand suggestively up Rory's leg. "No baby, jus' tryin' to act ou' of character."  
  
"Oh, that explains it."  
  
"A serious question," Jess asked, sitting down and staring deeply into her eyes. "How am I doing? Was my mother right? Am I a screw up? Am I the reason she drank? Are my insecurities linked to my father leaving at an early age? Why are you the only one who can see through my outer layer?"  
  
Rory was saved from answering though, when Luke hollered for him.  
  
"Oops, gotta jet baby!" Jess said, dropping his hand from her leg. "COMING UNCLE LUCUS!" he yelled, after another holler from the kitchen. Rory could hear him yelling angrily at his uncle: 'thanks a lot man! Do you have any idea how many 'magical' moments you've ruined?'  
  
Rory heaved a sigh of relief. Seems like someone was having an identity crisis.  
  
---  
  
Rory was sitting on her couch, reading a book when she heard some strange noises outside. Cautiously, she put down her reading material and went to investigate. As she neared the front door, the noises got louder. With one sudden motion, Rory grabbed the doorknob and pulled. And in toppled none other than Tristan...and Babette.  
  
"Ahhhh!" Rory screamed in disgust, jumping back.  
  
"Oh, hey doll!" Babette said, looking up at an incredulous Rory. "What's shaking?"  
  
Rory didn't reply, but looked at Tristan, who was hastily disentangling himself from the blond lady. "Rory, I can explain."  
  
"I don't think that explaining will help the situation," Rory said, and watched as he tried to wipe the lipstick marks from his face and neck.  
  
"No, doll, it's all quite innocent," Babette said, standing up and brushing off her shirt. "See, your young man friend was walking up the steps, and I thought to myself 'Babette honey, I don't know this guy, what if he's a burglar?' So I came to investigate."  
  
"And you decided to distract the burglar by kissing him?" Rory yelled, and looked around vainly for something hard or pointy to throw.  
  
"Rory, I-" Tristan started, but was silenced by her glare.  
  
"Doll, you found yourself a good one! He's very robust. Strong. Takes me back to those old days..." Babette mused, and walked out of the house, her head in the clouds.  
  
"Rory, I-"  
  
"I don't want to hear it!" Rory cried, and ran out of the house, tears spilling down her face.  
  
---  
  
Rory ran and ran. For atmosphere, it started pouring. Stars Hollow had cleared. Rory stood alone in the street, rain and tears drenching her face and clothes. She stood; arms raised, head back, and wept. And wept. And wept, until a strong pair of male arms closed around her.  
  
"Rory, what are you doing?" Dean asked, spinning her around to face him.  
  
"Oh, Dean!" Rory cried, and flung herself into his arms.  
  
"Rory, you're shivering. Now, I know I'm not the smartest guy, but..."  
  
"No Dean, let's stay here. For atmosphere."  
  
Dean gave Rory a funny look. "Uh, okay. Can we at least go to the Gazebo?"  
  
Rory eyed the way Dean's clothes were sticking to his drenched body. "I kinda like it out here..."  
  
"Rory, you're going to catch cold and die." With that, Dean scooped Rory up and carried her to shelter.  
  
Once they had settled down to wait out the unforecasted rain, a hundred questions were running through Dean's head. But being the gentleman that he was, she patiently waited for Rory to confide in him. Which didn't take long.  
  
"Oh Dean, it was horrible."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Tristan...and Babette happened."  
  
Dean shuddered. "Eww."  
  
Rory nodded in agreement.  
  
"I knew that Triscut was no good."  
  
"I wish I had listened to YOU Dean!" Rory said sincerely, looking into Dean's eyes. "You've never lied to me."  
  
"But I have kidnapped you."  
  
"I'm sure we're passed that now..." Rory said, still gazing up at his face adoringly.  
  
Dean looked around nervously. "So, uh..."  
  
"Oh Dean..." Rory said, and flung herself at him.  
  
It took a few minutes for Dean to pry his former girlfriend from his body. "Rory!" he exploded.  
  
"Oh Dean, I'm so sorry," Rory sobbed into his chest. "I, I just...I just miss you so much!"  
  
"Oh Rory," Dean said, sadly patting her head. "I miss you too."  
  
Rory looked up hopefully. "Really?"  
  
"Yeah. Come on, I'll walk you home."  
  
---  
  
When Rory arrived home, Lorelai was sitting on the couch, talking to Bert (Luke's toolbox).  
  
"Mom?"  
  
"We're in here!" Lorelai called.  
  
"Who's we?"  
  
"Me and Bert."  
  
"Oh, hi Bert! Long time no see!"  
  
"Yeah, Luke dropped him off to play."  
  
Rory smiled fondly at her deranged Mother. "So, where's Luke?"  
  
"Oh, in your bedroom."  
  
"What?" Rory said, jumping up. Even though she was the neatest person in the entire world, she didn't want Luke to see any of her embarrassing essentials.  
  
"Don't worry honey, I did a room check!" Lorelai said to her daughter's back.  
  
Rory knocked on the door cautiously and pushed it open. "Luke?"  
  
Luke didn't bother turning around. "Oh, hey Rory. I'm almost done here. Do you like it?"  
  
"Um..." Rory said, when he moved aside to reveal her newly boarded up window. "What?"  
  
"I boarded up your window," Luke explained slowly, wondering where all of her Chilton money went if she couldn't even tell a curtained window from a window covered by mismatching pieces of wood. Rory watched dismayed as Luke picked up his spare screws and his hammer and sauntered from the room.  
  
---  
  
"What the hell?" Rory yelled, when her wits and vocabulary returned. "Mom! What is the meaning of this?" Rory demanded, and ran into the living room.  
  
Lorelai pushed Luke off her. "Oh, hi honey!" she said brightly.  
  
"Uh!" Rory yelled, covering her eyes. "A minute ago Luke was fully clothed. How did you get him down to his briefs in 30 seconds?"  
  
"Practice," Lorelai replied wittily, and pulled his flannel shirt over her naked torso. "So, what's on your mind kid?"  
  
"That!" Rory yelled, pointing to her bedroom. "My window, to be exact!"  
  
"Honey," Lorelai said, standing up to embrace her daughter, "it was necessary. We can't have Jess in this chapter, now can we?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well, duh!" Lorelai responded, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "Firstly, this chapter is about DEAN. Secondly, now that me and Lucus are together, you and Jess can't be. It was the only way."  
  
Rory took a deep breath. "So let me get this straight. You boarded up my window so that Jess couldn't seduce me?"  
  
"And so that me and Luke could get married without breaking any laws."  
  
Rory pondered this, sitting on the arm of the couch. "Aren't other stories Lits AND Java Junkies?"  
  
Luke spoke for the first time since Rory had seen him in his skivvies. "Yeah, but when Lorelai and I get married, if you and Jess are...well, ya know...you'd be like cousins."  
  
"Eww! Incest!" Lorelai cried, jumping up and down, doing her favorite incest dance.  
  
There was a knock on the back door, and Rory took the opportunity to escape. "Dean!" she said, when she had opened the door.  
  
"Hey Rory, I have some bad news."  
  
"What is it?" Rory asked, ushering him to the kitchen table.  
  
"Well, I don't really know how to tell you this, but..."  
  
Rory put a sympathetic hand on his arm. "What is it Dean?"  
  
"Well....I was taking a walk, past the Stars Hollow well, and well..."  
  
"What is it?" Rory asked, eyes wide with fear.  
  
"Well, Tristan was....kissing Miss Patty, and, well..."  
  
Rory paled visibly, but motioned him to continue.  
  
"I guess it got a bit too intense, and the poor guy over balanced and fell in."  
  
"What about Miss Patty?"  
  
"Oh, she's alright. Just a few scratches. They got her out in no time."  
  
Rory's voice shook. "And Tristan?"  
  
"Well...I think his downward decent killed him."  
  
Rory buried her face in her hands and sobbed, for a good few seconds. Delicately, she wiped her eyes, and looked at Dean. "So...wanna make out?"  
  
---  
  
Rory and Dean got back together. It seemed like they were meant for each other. Every time they broke up (about once a week, for various reasons, including a misunderstanding about gnomes) their relationship got stronger. Rory opted for housewiving rather than an Ivy League university, and Dean became a mechanic, just like his dear old pop. They lived in a quaint house with a two-door garage, a white picket fence, two dogs, and together raised 39.6 children. And they lived happily ever after, or at least for this chapter...  
  
---  
  
The End! Or is it? Part II  
  
---  
  
Coming soon: The End! Or is it? Part III  
  
AN: Now wasn't that nice and wholesome. I forgot to mention that this story didn't come with vomit bags. Ooops. Wow, you can really tell that I've had way too much aspirin. Now it's your turn. The blue button awaits you! 


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